After a few minutes, Noah started talking. “My mother found out almost two years ago she had cancer. The news devastated our family. My mother is the rock—the center of all of us. She fought like hell and we thought she had won. The cancer came back last year. My father claimed he couldn’t take watching his wife slowly die and he took off.”
My heart dropped to my stomach, and in that moment I felt Noah’s pain. “What?” I whispered in disbelief. “He left her?”
Slowly shaking his head, Noah said, “He left all three of us. My sister had been planning her wedding in the middle of all of this, and I honestly don’t know how she did it all. Good ole daddy left both of us what I like to call his going away gifts. A car for me and he paid for Em’s honeymoon.”
Placing my hand over my mouth, I tried to imagine my father doing that to my mother and I couldn’t. “Your poor mother,” I said as Noah squeezed my hand.
Stopping, Noah looked out over the river. “When the doctors told us she only had four to six months to live, I lost it.”
Placing my hand on his arm, I asked, “What do you mean?”
Swallowing hard, Noah closed his eyes. “I went out and got drunk. For days I drank myself numb and popped anxiety pills. Anything to make me forget. My poor mother and sister had no idea where I was. It was like I was losing everything . . . you . . . my father . . . my mother. My sister was getting married and moving across the country. My world fell apart. Then I realized my sister and mother needed me. I pulled myself out the slump and got my shit together.”
Guilt immediately swarmed my body as I let Noah’s words sink in. “Noah, I didn’t know, and looking back I realize how stupid I acted by pushing you away. I was falling so in love with you and that scared me. I’ve been hurt before and when I saw you with your sister, I let my imagination get the better of me.”
Turning his body to me, Noah smiled. “When I saw you at the hospital, I knew.”
Tilting my head and giving him a questioning look, I asked, “You knew what?”
“I knew I couldn’t ever let you go, Grace. Seeing what my mother was going through, I needed to tell you I loved you. I want us to be together, Grace. I don’t want hook-ups and text messages. I want to wake up every morning with you wrapped in my arms. I want to see your beautiful smile each night when I lay my head on the pillow. Hear you breathing next to me.”
Tears burned my eyes as my head spun. “I want that too.” Looking down, I closed my eyes. “But . . . I’m here and you’re in Austin, and then when I graduate . . . I . . . well I was . . . um . . .”
Jesus H. Christ, how do I tell him I want him and my dreams?