But what most people didn’t realize about her was that she used her Domme status to keep her distance from people. The habit had been ingrained in her since she was a teenager, growing up in an abusive household with an overbearing father, then reinforced time and time again through a series of bad relationships when she was older.
Being in control meant she didn’t have to give up anything, didn’t have to answer to anyone, and being a Domme in the lifestyle she coveted meant she could be satisfied physically without ever having to give too much of herself. As far as emotional ties, there weren’t any. Because she didn’t allow them.
But this was Xander. Her friend. A man she admired, a man she suddenly craved which meant she would want more. Nothing about Xander was easy, and if she gave in to him at all, even one tiny bit, she feared she’d lose a part of herself that she’d been holding on tightly to for as long as she could remember.
The kiss lingered, the passion between them fanning the flames as she was engulfed by the same overwhelming sensations that Xander had instilled in her last night when he’d used nothing more than his hands and a flogger to send her careening into the abyss.
Seemingly unwilling to let go, he consumed her, tasting, teasing, seeking all that she was willing to give him.
And she let him.
Long minutes later, when he pulled back, Xander remained steadfast, holding her wrists, palming her head gently as he stared down at her. Why that made her feel good, she didn’t know.
But she did. She felt… safe in his arms.
It had been an incredibly long time since a man had looked at her the way Xander was looking at her now. Maybe it was her fault because she’d refrained from taking on a full-time sub for a couple of years now, disinclined to commit to something she didn’t think she was ready for again.
The only thing she knew was that she shouldn’t feel good. She wasn’t supposed to want this.
And that was the main reason she had to push him away.
There was a long pause before Mercedes reluctantly said, “If you’re looking for a submissive, I suggest you consider taking Sam on. I think she’ll satisfy that urge and you’ll both get what you want. Hell, you’ll even get a threesome out of the deal, and we all know how you feel about that.”
Did that make her sound jealous? God, she hoped not, but she couldn’t help herself. The idea of Xander dominating Sam, the thought of Sam crushed between Logan and Xander made her crazy, but she knew if she didn’t push him away, she ran the risk of pulling him close, and it wasn’t in her best interest to do so.
“You, not Sam,” Xander said brusquely, his words coarse as though he were just as affected by this as she was. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, but he didn’t finish his sentence.
“Me what?” Mercedes finally asked when it was clear he wouldn’t go on. Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she waited.
“I want you,” he finally said, the gravelly tone of his voice had pleasure igniting beneath her skin.
Mercedes’s heart did a somersault, but she stopped it mid-flip, refusing to give in to the promises she could hear in his tone.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” she argued, trying to keep her voice even. “I’m a challenge for you, X. That’s all I am. I’ve seen the women you play with. They’re meek and… they don’t pose much of a challenge. Hell, most of them aren’t even true submissives, they just want a shot at your money.”
“If you think I’m looking for a woman who doesn’t challenge me, then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” he replied softly.
Mercedes forced her eyes away from his. He saw too much.
“Look at me,” Xander demanded, this time he used only his words, not his hands.
Her eyes darted up quickly, too quickly. She knew he saw that she was still hovering on the fence that separated undecided and hell no, this is emotional suicide.
“Let me show you,” he pleaded gruffly. “Five days. Starting right now. That’s all I’m asking for.”
“Five days?” That was all? Shit, that was only the beginning. “You think you can turn me from a Domme to a submissive in …? Wait, why five?” she asked curiously, all other thoughts coming to an abrupt halt.
Xander smirked, a glint of humor in his radiant smile. “Five’s my lucky number, you know that.”
She did know that. Just like seven was her lucky number. And twenty-three was Shane’s. They’d had a long conversation one night over a bottle of vodka. That had been interesting.
But it wasn’t the point.
“Xander—” she stopped herself, trying to realign her thoughts once more. Calming down, she followed up with, “I like being in control.”