A middle-aged women with short brown hair smiled up at me. “Can I help you?”
“I . . . I’d like to make a counseling appointment.”
“Sure thing.” She reached down below and then pulled out a clipboard with a sheet attached. “Just take a seat and fill this out.”
My gaze darted to the couple of empty seats in the room. Some students looked up and the momentary shame I felt almost made me fly out the door. But then I realized they were here too, for their own troubles. Everyone had problems. Who knew what theirs were—maybe they were even worse.
I filled out the form, using Jessie’s trauma term, and then stood up to hand it back to the woman at the front desk. She looked it over and then scheduled me into a slot.
As I headed out the door, I felt almost buoyant. But the sheer fear inside me tempered it. I stepped outside and turned to find Jessie exactly where I’d left her.
“All good?” she said, straightening from the wall.
“Yep,” I said in a tight voice, still unsure of what the hell I had just gotten myself into. “I . . . I got an appointment. Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For standing outside and holding my hand like I was some damn kid afraid of the dentist.”
“The dentist feels mild compared to baring your soul to someone,” she said and I felt my chest tighten. Shit. I supposed I could always cancel that appointment. She tilted her head to the side and looked me directly in the eyes. “It’s no problem. If you need me hold your hand again for your first visit, I’ll offer that, too.”
“Thanks.” We stood staring at each other for another long moment. I tried to think of something to say to keep her there longer. This was new for me—never had I wanted more time with a girl that I had screwed.
Maybe she was the black hole because goddamn, I kept on gravitating toward her, any chance I could get. She made me think and see things about myself that I’d tried to bury for so long. She helped me see that within that fear, there might also be some good.
She owned her problems and feelings and I wanted to be someone better when she was near. I always wanted that, I supposed, which is why I never brought girls around her. She just set a higher standard without even fucking realizing it.
I was already wondering when I could see her next.
“It was great running into you, Square,” she said. When she used my nickname this time, it made me feel strangely hollow. “Where you heading to next?”
“Thinking of going rock climbing—they have an indoor wall at the gym,” I said. “Want to come?”
“Um, I’ve had enough excitement climbing bridges the last couple of weeks.” Her lip tipped up in a smirk and I got her double meaning.
“C’mon, Blue,” I said. “It’s only fair.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just did something outside of my comfort zone, so now it’s your turn,” I said. “Even if the only thing you do you is watch. What do you say?”
“I’ve got to pick up my brother Cameron from football practice at five because my mom has to work.” Her eyes darted to the giant clock on the student center wall. “But I guess I’ve got some time.”
“Sweet,” I said, walking her out the door. “Your brother’s the kicker on his high school team, right?”
“Yeah, ever since my father stuck him in a Panther’s jersey when he was five years old he’s been obsessed with football. He catches all the college games on TV.”
I didn’t know what I expected—maybe for her brother to be some goth kid with black eyeliner and tattoos. Not for him to have memorized my brother’s position and number on the field.
“You should take him to a game sometime,” I said and she looked at me like I’d grown two heads.
“He’s been bugging my mom about it,” Jessie said. “I guess showing up at his high school games isn’t torture enough.”
“Tell me about it,” I said, thinking of the weekly torment of watching my own brother from the stands.
Jessie’s face lit up as she laughed and it almost felt like we were back to normal. Almost.
Being around her again was like a whiff of fresh spring air. She didn’t seem hurt or offended by our time together. Jessie simply bounced back and acted like a friend toward me. I was so grateful that she didn’t make it awkward or try to guilt me into anything. She was a strong personality, comfortable in her own skin, and she wore it well.
At the gym, Jessie watched me for a good while before I dared her to suit up and climb halfway.
I stood behind her as she tentatively stretched her foot to the wall. “I’m too scared.”
“Here, I’ll hold on to you,” I said placing my hands on her hips. I wanted to slide my fingers up her ribcage to her breasts. She looked so damn hot in that harness.
As if knowing where my mind was drifting, she looked over her shoulder at me. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were glossy. “Don’t let go.”
“I won’t, baby,” The word slipped seamlessly from my lips and I head her inhale.
Suddenly my mouth was at her ear, my breaths harsh against her skin. I needed my lips and hands all over her, especially while she was all strapped in.
“Nate,” she said, biting back a moan.
“Sorry, Jessie . . . fuck,” I said. “You just look so goddamn sexy right now.”
“Makes you want to go out and buy a harness doesn’t it?”