He knew that later he’d be going ten rounds with himself in his own head about this, about telling her the whole story. It was bringing it all back to the surface and it wasn’t a good time for that, not with the countdown on and only days left to figure her shit out.
But Kylie wouldn’t understand that. She didn’t bother hiding her emotions like he did. She had no interest in keeping herself in control. And actually, her willingness to let go was one of the things he loved about her. There was just something incredibly appealing about how she put herself out there, not worrying about outcome or the possibility of getting hurt.
Which made her the brave one, not him. Honestly, he had no idea why he even bothered to try to resist her. Resistance was futile with this woman who’d gotten under his thick skin when he hadn’t been looking. She thought he held back with her, but he’d been fooling himself because he wasn’t holding back at all.
Just thinking about it made his chest tight. So did imagining her not being in his life. He’d learned firsthand what it was like to have her all to himself. He was getting used to sharing his free time with her, and his personal space. He even loved sleeping with her after they made love, holding her all night, allowing himself to give in to his selfish need to keep her close.
All of which was forcing him to face a fact he hadn’t seen coming—his solitary life was starting to feel just a little too solitary.
He knew he should walk away right now, before he got in any more over his head. But who the hell was he kidding? It was too late. He was already going down for the count.
Kylie slid her hands beneath the hem of his shirt and paused with her fingers splayed wide over his bare skin.
He went hard and sucked in a breath. “You know I can’t think worth a damn when you have your hands on me.”
“Huh,” she said, not taking her hands off of him. “Didn’t know that.” She gave him an innocent look and bit her lower lip.
With a groan, he hauled her in flush against him. He knew he’d given away how badly he wanted—actually, make that needed—her, because when their gazes met, the look in her eyes was enough to make his heart stop and his lungs run out of air.
She needed him too.
He stared into her face, searching for what, exactly, he had no fucking clue, before he closed his arms around her. Kissing her hard, he lifted her up, and when she wrapped her legs around him, he carried her to the bed.
He tossed her down on it, leaving her free to gasp for air as he stripped and then crawled up her body, tugging off her clothes as he went. His emotions were a chaotic mix of things he couldn’t get a grasp on, though lust and passion were high on the list. When he’d condomed up and was poised between her legs, she tipped her head back, her eyes closing in anticipation of what was to come.
“Kylie,” he said softly. “Look at me.”
Her head came up and her eyes opened slowly. They were glazed with passion and he had to use all of his self-control not to dive into her right then. “Can you feel what you to do me?” He pressed into her lightly.
She sucked in a sharp breath and nodded as her nails dug into his shoulders. “Yes.”
“I’ll never get tired of this.” He pushed in another inch and bent to kiss her. “I’ll never get tired of how you make me feel.” He rolled his hips and slid all the way home.
With a low moan, she wrapped her arms around his neck and tightened her legs on him. As he began to move, her hips rushed to meet his every thrust and when she came, she took him right over the edge with her.
They were still gasping for air when his phone—from his pants somewhere on the floor—alerted him to an incoming text. He dropped his forehead to hers and concentrated on the only thing he could—breathing.
“Maybe it’s nothing,” she said, her hands in his hair, her body still quivering beneath his.
“Maybe.” But they both knew it wasn’t. He took the time to give her a soft kiss and then another. And another . . .
She pulled free with clear regret. “You have to go,” she said.
His laugh was short. “Story of our relationship.” He was halfway out the door when he heard her ask the room a question.
“So we have a relationship now?”
He glanced back, really hoping that was a rhetorical question. But she was looking to him for an answer.
At whatever she saw on his face, a rough laugh escaped her. “Okay, so maybe not,” she murmured.
Every woman he’d ever known including his own sister fought like this, with battles he never saw coming. And he’d never received a copy of the rule book. He wanted to keep walking out the door. He wanted that a whole lot more than he wanted to have this conversation, but this was Kylie. He couldn’t just walk away from her. Wouldn’t. He blew out a breath. “Kylie—”
“No, wait,” she said. “Me first. I know I let you think I was okay with this, with just this physical thing between us. And I was. I really was.”
His heart kicked hard. “But . . . ?”
“But now . . .” She let out a long breath and shook her head. “Suddenly, I’m not.” She met his gaze, her own steely but also hurt. “I’m worth more, Joe. I’m realizing I want to be with a man who’s capable of giving me that more. Maybe even capable of giving me everything.”
He stilled. “Are you dumping me, Kylie?”
“I guess I’m asking if you’re ever going to want to be that man.”
Hell. If she wasn’t dumping him, she would be soon, because he was going to be honest, the only way he knew how to be. “Being with you on the job, or as friends, or in bed . . . it all works for me, Kylie. Every second of it. But if you’re asking me what we have or need me to promise more right now, I can’t.”
“I get that,” she said. “I can’t make you want to be with me just because I discovered that’s what I want.”
His heart pinched. He wanted to put words to the feelings bouncing around in his chest, making him miserable, but if he did, she’d realize just how emotionally challenged he really was. He wasn’t talking mild-to-moderately emotionally challenged either. He was talking severely emotionally challenged here.
But he’d discovered things too. Such as when he was with her, he felt . . . alive. And when he wasn’t with her, all he thought about was being with her, about the things he wanted to do with her. And to her . . .
He was a solitary man by nature who as a rule didn’t do serious relationships. They were messy and required things he couldn’t give. But thinking about Kylie and how comfortably she fit into his life didn’t make him feel threatened at all. It actually made him feel . . . mellow. At peace.
In truth, she felt like the best thing to have happened to him in a long time—which didn’t mean he’d relax his stance. He couldn’t. And knowing that, he fought to control his emotions.
It was shockingly hard, which was proof that she could turn him upside down without even trying. And that simply couldn’t happen. “I want to be with you too,” he said. “And yeah,” he added when she looked at him in surprise, “I didn’t see that coming either. But we both know why I can’t. I honestly don’t know if I even can open myself up for more, if I’m capable of it.”
“Are you sure it’s that?” she asked. “Because maybe you just don’t want to be so emotionally invested that you’re left vulnerable again.”