“Let me check. I have a couple parties booked in the next week or two, and I stocked up on some of my best sellers, so I should have it,” I replied, getting up and motioning for her to follow me into my office. Emma and Leah tagged along so I went ahead and pulled out a couple catalogs and handed them around, asking, “Anyone else need or want anything while we’re in here?”
Leah started thumbing through the pages of the catalog, stopping here and there to ask a couple questions before stopping on one page that had about a dozen dildos and vibrators on it. She pointed at one with wide eyes and whispered, “Holy shit! Please tell me women don’t actually buy this to use it…?”
I laughed, not even bothering to look at the picture. I knew exactly what she was talking about.
Emma, laughing because she knew what it was as well, turned to Leah and said, “Oh, my God, I know, right? The first time I helped Allie with a party she had one of those with her and I about fell over when I saw it!” She turned to me, asking, “Do you still have that thing?”
I grinned and nodded, pointing her to the closet in the office. She strode over to it and opened the door, bending down to heft the object of the current discussion up in her arms. When she turned around, I swear I thought Leah was going to pass out.
“Seriously?” she shrieked. “People really buy this thing and USE it?” She shuddered dramatically as Emma sat it down in front of her.
‘It’ was an eighteen inch tall, ten inch diameter jelly-type dildo, complete with veins and balls. It was one of the first things I bought to add to my kit when I started doing the Down & Dirty parties just because I, for one, had to see it for myself, and two, knew that it would be a kickass ice breaker. The woman that made me want to become a consultant actually had one in her kit, but she didn’t put it out. Instead, while we were going through the catalog, when we came to that page and all the women started commenting on it and saying that there was no way it was actually that big, she whipped that puppy out and thumped it down on the table in front of us. And when I say thumped, I mean it. It weighs about ten pounds, I swear!
I shook my head at Leah, laughing. “No, people don’t actually buy it to use…at least I don’t think so. If they do, they don’t get it from me and I don’t want to hear about it! It’s not even available anymore, but I think they keep it in the catalog for shock value. I’ve always used it as a door-stopper…makes a great one!”
Jenna and Emma busted out laughing as well, and Emma broke in, shouting, “She calls it ‘Big Kirky’!”
“Oh, my God!” Leah yelled, falling back into my computer chair, literally rolling with laughter. “Why the fuck would you call it that?”
I shrugged, still chuckling. “I don’t know. The shipment came in and I had it sitting in the living room with me. I turned on the t.v. and Star Trek was on; that captain dude was talking, and I saw his bald head and that’s all she wrote!”
“OH MY FUCKING… WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?”
We all jumped and spun toward the door where Brandon and Jackson were standing, identical expressions of horror, disgust, and even morbid fascination on their faces. None of us could help it, we lost it again, gasping for breath and holding our stomachs.
“Well,” Jackson said wryly. “Guess we don’t want to know what the hell you guys were doing while we were gone.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I do!” Brandon said, grinning lasciviously.
I smacked at him playfully, shoving him back as Emma hefted Big Kirky up and locked him back in the closet. I grabbed the shave lotion Jenna wanted and wrote up a receipt for her before closing everything back up and putting away the catalogs. Leah said she wanted to see about maybe having a party, so I told her just to get back with me whenever she decided she wanted to do it and a few minutes later, they all headed out, hugging me, Brandon, and Jackson in turn before they went.
Once they’d left, we decided to order pizza and watch a movie, which was becoming our go-to lazy night routine. Brandon decided to jump in the shower while we were waiting for the pizza to come, so Jackson and I were curled up on the couch together.