My eyes had turned pitch black.
It was as if they had never been green.
I splashed cold water on my face, drying it with a towel, as if this would somehow change the color of my eyes.
I staggered back, my back hitting the wall of the bathroom.
What is happening to me?
Chapter 5: Ben
The moment of clarity that had descended on me in the submarine didn’t last long.
I soon went back to relishing the way my body felt after consuming so much blood.
I sat in the control cabin for hours, staring out at the dark waters.
I sat for almost a day before the craving for more fresh blood took hold of me again, and, like a slave to my own senses, I found myself being dragged back to shore.
I barely even felt the sun digging into my skin as I sought out my next victims.
All I could think about was the exquisite liquid seeping into my mouth.
I began to lose track of how many people I killed in the days that followed.
But after what was perhaps the tenth murder, the guilt was practically non-existent.
I was barely self-aware enough for this to scare even me any more.
Slicing through a man’s throat was beginning to feel no different than slicing open an orange—a means of sustenance I couldn’t do without.
It wasn’t until the phone rang in my chest pocket that I gained some sense of who I was again.
I scrambled to pick it up.
“Hello?” I said.
“Joseph.” It was Jeramiah’s voice.
“What do you want?” I breathed.
“I thought I’d check in on you.
How are you coping?” “Fine,” I grunted.
“Good.
Good.
So you’re finding blood all right?” “Yes.” “All right.
I was just curious.
Not all newly turned vampires are cut out to be murderers, you see.
Some prefer others to do the killing and just partake of the blood.
But it seems that you’re doing just fine.” With that, he hung up.
I removed the phone from my ear, staring down at the receiver.
There was something about those last words that didn’t sit right with me, and I wasn’t sure why.
Murderer.
That was what he’d called me.
I’m a murderer.
The word finally triggered the emotions I’d been struggling to feel the past few days.
Regret.
Guilt.
Fright at what I was becoming, perhaps had already become.
No.
I can’t let myself fall like this.
I pulled myself to my feet, still staring down at the phone.
I’m not a murderer.
I kept repeating the words over and over in my head, as if just saying them would make it true.
I walked to the end of the submarine and slammed my fists against the wall, making two more dents.
I stamped my foot on the ground, making the vessel rock from side to side and shudder.
No, I can’t do this.
I tried to think of my parents, but they seemed like a distant memory, as did Rose.
I have nobody but myself to save me now.
I have to stop killing.
My whole body shuddered, as though it was already starting to go into withdrawals just at the thought.
My last kill was still fresh in my memory, my stomach still filled.
I looked down at the phone again.
Perhaps I would have been better off joining Jeramiah.
At least I might not have to do the killing myself.
He said they had blood.
Perhaps that would give me the chance I needed to climb out of this pit.
Chapter 6: Ben
If I was going to seriously consider taking up Jeramiah’s offer, I needed to act quickly.
Before the next wave of hunger.
I’d just finished consuming three humans.
I doubted I could drink more blood now even if I tried, I was so filled to the brim.
I found myself flipping open the phone, my fingers hovering over the keypad.
Jeramiah had said I’d have to “half-turn” a human and bring them with me if I was to be accepted into their group.
That required self-control beyond measure.
Any normal vampire would have had trouble with that, let alone me—I could barely look at a human without salivating.
But I had to try.
I couldn’t keep living like this.
If I did, I’d never be able to return to The Shade.
I couldn’t imagine getting any worse than I already was, so I would have nothing to lose by joining Jeramiah’s clan… wherever that happened to be.
Navigating to a different shore than the last, I ventured back onto the beach.
It was night, making it easier for me to slip in and out of the crowds unnoticed.
This seemed to be a holiday resort.
The beaches were teeming with people, even at this time of night.
That was both advantageous and disadvantageous.
There were plenty of people to choose from, but most were tightly packed in groups.
I didn’t want to cause more commotion than I had to.
I walked past the beach and reached a highway.
I crossed to the other side, where there were lines of restaurants and shops.
I looked up and down the stretch of road, wondering which place was best to start.
Then something caught my eye.
A sign for a hospital.
Even in my current state, I wasn’t far gone enough for that to not mean something to me.
I was about to condemn someone to a lifetime of servitude to a group of bloodsuckers I knew nothing about.
I ought to at least try to put some thought into whom I chose.