It never felt as if I’d had a choice in becoming his friend. It just happened without me even noticing. He’d dragged me along with him to my first party, and after I realized how easily I could immerse myself in this place, in this life, that I could forget about all the pain in a much funnier, way more pleasurable way, I was a goner. From that point on, we’d become a team. When he needed work and found a job at Forbidden, he’d told me they were looking for another bartender too, so I shrugged, thinking why the hell not. From there, my friendships with guys spiraled out of control. I’d gotten close to Pick, and Hamilton, even Lowe, and kind-of-sort-of Hart. But I’d always been careful not to get close to the feminine persuasion. Use them for booty calls and move on, that was my motto.
Women gutted you. They either said shit that tore out your self-confidence, or they got hurt when you should’ve been able to protect them, which left you so broken you wished you were dead. I tried to stay away from all of that “feelings” shit when it came to women. Sometimes I was downright rude to them.
Okay, fine. Most of the time I was rude...and offensive...and overall annoying. But a guy had to protect himself somehow, because women fucking gutted you.
I wasn’t expecting what happened to me to happen when Gamble carried Caroline into my life. I didn’t welcome it either. And I wasn’t very happy about the fact that Hamilton’s woman managed to crawl under my defenses and make me feel things, either. But Midnight Visitor? No. No fucking way. This shit had to stop. Except it was already happening. Texting my hot little bed companion had been fun. And that made me damn nervous.
I was getting too happy and sappy around too many women.
I’d seen Caroline earlier today, walking with Lowe and Lowe’s woman toward the science department. I’d been heading toward them, but I’d ducked out of sight before they could see me. I’d worked with Lowe just last night, and I always loved to say something to piss off his woman—whom I’d dubbed Buttercup. But I couldn’t go anywhere near them just then. Not with Caroline around.
After making my plans with Midnight Visitor two nights ago, I’d been worried about seeing Caroline again. It was as if I was too guilty to face her or something, which was whack. I’d had numerous women since meeting her almost a year ago. I’d never had a problem facing her after a night of debauchery before. But this just felt...different, which is probably what prompted another session of stress drawing.
I was trying to scribble my stupid feelings away when someone jumped me from behind, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me.