And again.
She could feel it now, the tease of an impending orgasm. Her toes curled, her inner muscles pulsed around him. Every inch of her was poised on the very edge and she didn’t know if she could survive it. “Please,” she begged against his lips. “Adam, please…”
He groaned and broke the kiss to give her what she wanted. His head fell back, eyes closed, face tight with hunger and desire as he moved over her.
They were both frantic now, but then his hand on her hip shifted so he could stroke a thumb over her center with gentle, deadly precision.
She exploded.
He followed right behind her, his eyes closed against the intensity, pushing so deep inside her, that for that one glorious moment they were one. There was only their rough, ragged breathing mingling with the late-night wind and rustling trees.
And Milo’s left-out, put-upon sigh.
Holly didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to shake off the delicious cloud of satisfaction and comfort. Not to mention she was warm for the first time since she’d gotten out of her own bed yesterday morning. Her body was still giving off little aftershocks of desire that made Adam groan, and he shifted as if to move off her.
Needing his weight, loving the feel of his hands still gripping her tight, she clutched at him, then realized he probably wasn’t experiencing the same need to remain close that she was, so she reluctantly let him go.
He rolled off her, dealt with the condom, then came back, pulling her in, pressing his lips to her temple. “Sleep.”
Even in the dark, she could tell that the hard edge that had been there earlier, the hard edge that was always there whenever they had to deal with each other these days, was gone.
The softer version of Adam was still with her.
She liked seeing behind the tough-guy veneer and wondered what it meant that she was seeing the real man.
And how long he’d stay.
Eleven
Adam woke instantly, heart still pounding. Not a full-on nightmare, thank God. He didn’t do that whole leap-up-screaming thing so much anymore, just occasionally woke in a pounding rush, the air stuck in his throat.
Like now. And he knew why, too. Today, they were going to the Kaniksu Caves to look for Donald.
Just thinking about it had him breaking out in a sweat. Forcing himself to relax, he felt Holly curl around him, and just like that, the icy tightness in his chest began to ease. He continued to will his strung out body to calm one muscle at a time, allowing himself the rare luxury of a woman’s welcoming warmth and softness. Holly’s welcoming warmth. The female scent of her skin was both arousing and comforting, and gradually the pressure in his lungs eased. Turning his head, he buried his face in her hair for a moment, just breathing her in.
Then he felt a warm, wet nose in his ear. Opening his eyes, he met Milo’s.
Dawn’s first pink light was just creeping in. Adam pushed the dog back a few feet and then looked down at the warm, sexy female in his arms. Her perfect little ass was spooned up against him. They were both na**d, but basic chemistry had kept them warm. Hell, they could have kept all of Idaho warm with the heat they’d generated all night.
Holly’s skin was scented with her usual enticing sexiness, though she also smelled a lot like him. It was erotic and…disturbingly intimate. He carefully rolled to his back.
Holly murmured something, flopped over, and scooted in to once again plaster herself to him.
Not him, he corrected. His heat. She was a heat-seeking missile. Her hair looked like an explosion in a mattress factory, flowing wildly over his arm and chest, tickling his nose. Before he’d even realized what he was doing, he stroked it back from her face.
In her sleep she scowled, an expression he was well used to. There hadn’t been much to smile about between them.
Until last night, anyway.
At that uncomfortable thought, he began the tricky extraction process, pulling back, trying to disentangle himself from her. Not easy when she now had a grip on him with both fists, her thighs tight around one of his. Her br**sts were pillowed against his chest, and when he shifted, her ni**les puckered tight. He knew it was just a physical response to stimulation or maybe from the cold air around them, but it didn’t stop his mouth from watering with the need to take a taste.
He resisted, barely, and only because he was already feeling like the biggest as**ole on the planet for letting this happen between them.
It shouldn’t have happened. Holly was hopes and dreams. She was…forever. Adam no longer had hopes and dreams; he was working on just getting through the moment. And forever? Forever was an f-word. He managed to move back another inch, and she actually made a soft little mewling protest that was both the sexiest and sweetest sound he’d ever heard.
Aside from the sounds she’d made last night.
All those years ago, she’d always responded to him with open eagerness. It had never failed to excite him then.
Seemed nothing much had changed now, either.
Of course, in those days she hadn’t had anyone to compare him to in the sack, and that had been a rush all on its own. But even without that element, she’d been different from other women. She’d roused a protective, possessive nature in him that he’d never felt before. Of course he’d been young, stupid, and completely ruled by his dick.
He had no idea what his excuse was now.
He gently pulled his legs free from hers and came up on his knees, getting his first good look at her in the ambient early dawn light. Creamy skin, warm, gorgeous curves, and…patches of whisker burns on her throat, breasts, and between her legs.
You are a complete asshole, he thought, and spread the sleeping bag over her, forcing himself up.
He pulled on his clothes and boots and moved outside where the icy cold air slapped him in the face.
So did his moral compass.
Overnight, the snowfall had coated the land with enough powder to give depth to its features. He could see for miles, a broad sweep of spiky, na**d trees and vast, rambling land, beautiful in its simplicity. He eyed the sky. Dark and tumultuous. They’d be lucky to make it another hour without more snow. It was the sort of morning that called for crawling back into the bed that held a warm, sexy woman waiting for him.
But that wouldn’t fly.
He glanced back at her, where she lay curled up in his sleeping bag, only her blond hair showing.
God, how he loved the smell of a woman’s hair. Not something he’d given much thought to in…well, years. He’d been busy with other things like consecutive tours of being dropped into places that didn’t even officially exist, backing up the good guys, losing half his unit because of bad intel, and then falling into a deep, dark pit of despair and guilt for being alive, all of which tended to chase away thoughts of the ladies. He drew a deep breath and had to shrug that off for now. Therapy 101—sitting on the guilt was unproductive.
Not that that had ever stopped him.
But he had other issues at the moment. Namely the caves.
He and Milo did their business. His shoulder was bothering him so he pulled off his shirt again, and then disregarding both the icy air and Dell’s strict instructions, he removed the bandage as well. Everything seemed okay. He tried to replace it himself but couldn’t quite manage that on his own. He was twisting around and doing his best when he found Holly standing in the ranger station doorway, looking only half awake and completely befuddled.
She’d wrapped herself in his sleeping bag, which slipped off her shoulder, revealing black lace. He didn’t often give much thought to a woman’s underwear. Mostly he liked it skimpy and on the floor, but that had been shortsighted of him because this little peekaboo hint was really nice, too.
Realizing he was staring, she turned and vanished into the shelter, then reappeared a moment later in her clothes. She was still looking a little blown away at the fact that overnight their landscape had turned into a winter wonderland.
Taking in her sleepy-eyed stupor, it was impossible not to feel a small surge of satisfaction for having rendered her so completely befuddled. “You okay?” he asked.
Her cheeks flushed, but she nodded, and he wondered if she was thinking about just how very okay she’d seemed only a few hours ago—while panting out his name in that sexy, breathy little whisper.
But whatever she was thinking, she wasn’t sharing. And she didn’t move from the doorway, either, instead staying far out of arm’s reach, which meant she was wary.
Or smart as hell.
He tried to look into her eyes, but she was looking off to the right, at the long fingers of fog rolling in on the early morning air.
“Should we talk about it?” he asked, hoping like hell that she would say no. Talking wasn’t high on his list of favorite things to do.
She shook her head and began to gather up her hair in that way women had, quickly piling it on her head, tying it there with an elastic band she pulled from her wrist. She moved to him, hand out for the new bandage. He held it up, along with a tube of Neosporin, and her fingers brushed over his shoulder as she turned him. Even this minor contact made him hard.
“Didn’t Dell tell you not to touch?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t he also say if you did, he’d put a dog cone on you?”
“Yeah.” He scowled. “So?”
“So, do you want to wear a cone around your neck?”
“He’d have to catch me first,” he said.
She snorted, finishing with the antibiotic ointment. “Is Dell fast?”
“Yes. But I’m faster.”
She replaced the bandage. “It looks good, Adam.”
“Thanks.” He craned his neck and met her gaze. “You’re a lot hotter than my last doctor.”
She gave him a look. “I’m the hottest anything you’ve ever had.”
When he laughed, she smiled in response, and then looked around. “It snowed.”
“Yeah. We were too busy to notice.” The memory of what they’d been too busy doing made him even harder. Holly’s gaze dropped to his mouth and softened, giving him both a rush of lust and something else.
Unease.
Because he knew that look. It was the look of a woman who’d found something she wanted. Oh Christ. The repercussions of last night were going to hit right here and now.
His own doing.
He pulled on his shirt, and then his sweatshirt and jacket. Stalling techniques, of course, while he tried to decide how best to give her the bum’s rush out of here without analyzing last night too closely.
She turned to him, eyes serious, unhappy, and his gut tightened. Hell. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t ignore this. Not with her. “I’m going to ask you again,” he said quietly. “Are you okay? Do we have a problem?”
“No,” she said. “Of course not. My father’s missing—his phone is still off, by the way; I checked before I got dressed—and I just slept with one of the biggest mistakes of my life—a mistake who thinks I’m the mistake—but no, there’s no problem.”
“Okay, now I see,” he muttered, stepping toward her. “I knew we needed to talk about this.”
“Look, forget it. Let’s just get a damn move on. It’s what you do, right? When the going gets tough, you get going.”
He opened his mouth, because that’s not how it had gone down—at all—and she knew it, but he caught the flash of misery on her face before she turned away, so he held his tongue. “Holly.”
“Great,” she said, tossing up her hands. “Here it comes.”
“Here comes what?”
“Your morning-after speech,” she said. “I tried to avoid it, but some things I guess there’s just no avoiding. So go ahead, Adam. Get it out before it chokes you.”
He drew in a slow, deep breath. “Last night—”
“Wait.” She jabbed a finger at him again. “I should warn you—even though I just said last night was a mistake, if you say it, I will hurt you. Because I was lying, Adam. And don’t think I can’t hurt you. I’ve been taking kickboxing. I have moves, you know. Badass moves.”
“Holly.” He grabbed the hand she was waving around. “Nothing with you has ever been a mistake.”
“But?” she asked. “Because there’s most definitely a but coming, I can feel it.”
He met her gaze. “But I don’t want what you want.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And what do you think I want?”
“A committed relationship.”
She sucked in a breath. “And what about you? What do you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” he said. “It’s not what you deserve, believe me. But I don’t want to hurt you.”
She nodded once, like she understood, then shook her head. When he opened his mouth, she glared up at him so he shut it again and gave her a moment.
“So…you feel nothing for me?” she asked.
Christ, she slayed him. “I feel entirely too much for you,” he corrected. “But it’s not enough. You deserve it all, Holly.”
She blinked, clearly startled by this. “You mean another marriage?” she finally asked. “A white picket fence?” She let out a low laugh that held no amusement. “I’ve had those things. I don’t want them again.”
“You may not want them now, but when the times comes and you change your mind, you need to be with someone who wants those things, too. I’m not that guy, Holly.”
“I don’t like it when people tell me what I want, Adam.” She turned away, looking toward the woods. “You have no idea what I want.”
That was undoubtedly true, and it also proved his point. He knew nothing about being in a relationship day in and day out with a woman. He could satisfy her physically, but no matter if he wanted to be the One for her or not, he’d let her down because he couldn’t keep her satisfied emotionally.