“Consistency,” he repeated.
“That’s right. You have too much on your plate. I’m just doing what I can. You can thank me later.”
“Can I,” he said dryly.
“Yes.” She took her coffee and escaped to the office, where she kept herself busy until lunch.
She met Kate at the bakery in town, where they sat at a tiny table and inhaled ham-and-cheese croissants, then shared a huge, fresh, warm brownie. Because everyone knew that sharing a brownie meant that the calories didn’t count.
Kate looked out the window at the sleet free-falling from the sky. “If I hadn’t just used the last of my meager savings to pay my sister’s tuition, I’d be going to Costa Rica over winter break,” she said. “I’m tired of being all work and no play. I need an adventure. A warm adventure.”
“They have big bugs in Costa Rica,” Holly said. Kate was adamantly opposed to bugs. She’d once called Holly in the middle of the night to come get the spider in her bathroom.
“Well, if there are big bugs…” Kate sighed. “But God, I really need to get out of Sunshine. Not all of us get to find our adventure right here, with the hottest guy this side of the Continental Divide, you know.”
“You are not talking about me.”
“Uh, yeah, I am.” Kate used the opportunity to grab the last of the brownie. “You and Adam are doing the nasty. Bumping uglies. Getting jiggy with it—”
“Stop.” Holly would have laughed, but she was horrified. “And please, for the love of God, stop watching cable TV.”
“You two would make gorgeous babies, you know that? With his skin and eyes and your…”
Holly choked on her tea. “My what?”
“Sunny, sweet nature.” Kate flashed a smile.
“Funny. But we’re not having kids. The man is relationship phobic, remember? We’re just…”
Kate’s smile faded. “You’re just what?”
“Taking it slow.”
“Honey.” Kate squeezed her hand. “Tell me that you know that you deserve everything your heart desires, whether that turns out to be a Costa Rica zip-line adventure or a diamond ring.”
Holly let out a breath and her deepest, darkest fear right along with it. “But what if the very thing that my heart desires can’t be had?” she whispered.
“Then, maybe,” Kate said softly, gently, “it’s time to take a big step back and reevaluate. Go in another direction.”
Ninety percent of Holly didn’t want to go in another direction. She liked this direction. But that last niggling ten percent could admit to wanting to shake an understandably emotionally gun-shy Adam and ask him—wasn’t she worth the risk?
Adam had his hands full that night at his dog obedience class. A warm front storm had moved in, bringing rain by the buckets instead of the usual snow. It made things dangerous and had the entire county on flood watch.
He held the class in the reception area of the vet center. It was a big reception room, but things were still tight. Actually, not things. Not even the dogs, all of whom were well behaved.
It was the people.
Gayle was still having trouble being in charge. Liza spent much of the hour making a play for his attention. And then there was Holly. On the surface, she was taking the obedience training very seriously. But there was an undercurrent between them that had the air crackling around them.
When the class was over, everyone but Holly had filed out. She dallied, caught up in Thing One’s and Thing Two’s leashes.
Jade was still behind her desk, her fingers clicking over her keyboard with authority as she spoke quietly into her ear set on the phone, but she still managed to give Adam a jerk of her chin indicating he should go help Holly.
He did just that, moving up behind her, reaching around to grab the leashes from her.
“She wants in your pants,” she said.
“Thing One?”
“Liza!”
He went brows up, then leaned in close, brushing his jaw against hers. “And here I thought it was you who wanted in my pants.”
Bessie came in through the back, pushing her ever-present broom. She grimaced. “Gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”
Holly blushed and glared at Adam as Bessie swept around their feet. The minute she moved away, Holly hissed, “And I’ve already been in your pants. Remember?”
He wasn’t likely to ever forget. “And?”
She crossed her arms. “Are you fishing for compliments? Does the self-made, self-assured, cocky-as-hell Adam Connelly need stroking?”
“Well, I do like stroking.”
She gave him a shove and he laughed.
“I’m serious,” she said.
“About the stroking?” He ran a hand down her back, gratified to feel a shiver wrack her body. “God, I hope so.”
“I’m serious about this class,” she said, and elbowed him when his hand drifted south to her ass.
“Uh-huh.”
“I am! And it’s especially annoying because there are certain others who aren’t.”
“I charge an arm and a leg for the training,” he said. “I’m pretty sure everyone’s taking it seriously.”
“Everyone?”
Both their gazes slid to the window. Outside in the pouring rain, Liza was loading her dog into her truck. She was in a clear rain poncho over her very interesting sweater, which had lots of cutouts. The sweater went with her high-heeled thigh-high black rubber boots. Sort of. Either she enjoyed BDSM or she was going to a costume party later as a dominatrix. She climbed into her truck, managing to flash the world what she had on under her miniskirt—a thong.
“Who wears a miniskirt to a dog training class?” Holly murmured.
“She says all the exercise during class makes her warm, so she dresses accordingly.”
“Well, you gotta give her props for creativity.” She paused. “I got more flowers.”
He frowned. Who the hell was sending her flowers?
She took in his reaction. “And they’re still not from you.”
He opened his mouth, but she beat him to the punch. “No, it’s okay,” she said. “I don’t even like flowers. I mean sure, they smell good and they’re pretty and lighten up a room, but I’d rather have candy, anyway…”
He didn’t know what to do with the embarrassment and unhappiness in her gaze—or the fact that he felt like the biggest as**ole on the planet. He wished he’d thought to do the whole flowers thing, but he hadn’t. “I—”
Liza popped back into the front door, surprising them both. Eyes on Adam, she smiled. “Hey there, I forgot to tell you, I’ve made a meat-and-five-cheese lasagna. Why don’t you and Milo come over for a playdate tonight? Bring your swimsuit for the hot tub. Or…not.”
Holly’s eyes narrowed to slits, and Adam put a hand on her arm. “Sorry,” he said to Liza. “I’ve got plans tonight.”
Liza stepped closer to him, brushing her br**sts against his arm. “I’m sure you remember my lasagna. It’s…mind-blowing.” She smiled. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”
Adam watched her walk off, and at the snort from Holly, he looked at her. “You have something to say, say it.”
“You’ve been to her place. She cooks for you.” Holly studied him, no longer pissed but very serious. “We didn’t exactly discuss this, but I have to admit, I assumed that you weren’t sleeping with anyone else at the moment. But we all know what assuming makes you, so…” She turned to go.
Adam caught her wrist. “It was over a year ago,” he told her quietly. “Not too long after I first got back. She had me over for dinner, just a friend thing.”
Her gaze met his. “You mean a friend with benefits.”
Benefits only, no friendship, but he didn’t think clarifying this was going to help his cause. “She wanted more,” he said carefully. “I didn’t have it to give.”
Her gaze locked on his. “And now?”
“You know I still don’t.”
“And you don’t see that changing anytime soon,” she said on a slow exhalation. “I know.”
Something came into her eyes then that nearly brought him to his knees. Hurt. Regret. And a bone-deep strength of character. She was going to dump him. He’d known it would come to this.
“And if you did?” she asked.
He cupped her jaw, slid his fingers into her silky hair. “You know where I’d be if I did.”
“Humor me,” she said. “Say it.”
He let his knee nudge hers. “I’d be in your bed every night.”
She stared at him for a long beat. Then her eyes softened and she turned her face so that her lips brushed his palm. “I never pegged you for being too chicken to go after what you want, Adam. But the thing is…”
Oh shit. Here it comes.
“I’m not too chicken,” she said. “I know exactly what I want. I honestly thought I could do this with you, the whole friends-with-benefits thing.” She slowly shook her head, her eyes suspiciously shiny. “But as it turns out, I can’t. Not with you, Adam. With you, I want it all.”
He felt cold inside at the thought of her walking out that door and having them go back to the way it had been, with little to no contact between them. Somehow when he hadn’t been looking, she’d become one of the most important things in his life. And how the hell that had happened, he hadn’t a clue. He had more people to care about in his life than he could manage already, and yet there she was. Just as vital to him as his family. “It’s not that simple for me,” he heard himself say.
“Of course it is. Life is as simple as you make it, Adam. You’re born. You live. You die. I don’t plan on dying without doing the living part, though.” She moved to the door and then glanced back at him, using Liza’s words. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”
He stood there watching her walk away. He stood there until he realized he was the only one in the room, with the exception of Milo, Gertie, Peanut…
And Jade.
She was still on the phone, her back to him, thankfully. Otherwise she’d have been on him like white on rice. He reached for the logical portion of his brain. It wasn’t as if Holly was the only woman who’d ever mattered to him.
But he could admit that she was the one who’d mattered the most. And she’d gone right to the heart of the matter. His heart.
He looked at Gertie and Milo, both sitting obediently, waiting for a command.
Well, Milo was waiting obediently for a command. Gertie flopped to the ground, rolled to her back, and exposed her belly for a rub. Adam crouched down and obliged her, his mind not on the task.
I never pegged you for being too chicken to go after what you want…
Holly’s words haunted him. He wasn’t afraid of much. Life had taught him early to shove his fear deep, and he’d done just that. He no longer allowed himself fear. Except, apparently, when it came to her.
And what the hell was it exactly that he was afraid of, anyway?
Tired of thinking, tired of himself, wanting only to be alone, Adam walked into his office—trailed by Milo, of course—and let out a frustrated breath.
Dell was feet up at the desk, leaning back, helping himself to Adam’s laptop.
Adam shook his head. “What are you doing in here?”
“Looking at porn. I didn’t want to crash my own laptop.”
Adam kicked the legs of the chair. His chair. “Get up.”
“Please. Get up, please.”
“Get the f**k out of my chair.” It mattered only minimally if Dell actually got up. Adam could feel himself spoiling for a fight. He’d be happy to escort Dell out of the chair.
Dell grinned. “Aw, look at you, pretending to be all tough and grumpy and edgy. And yet you were grinning earlier, I saw it. Now because I’m a good brother, I’m not even going to ask who put that rare expression of satisfaction on your face, but a betting man would guess that—” Dell tore his gaze off the screen and gave Adam a long once-over. “What’s up?”
Saving him from replying, Milo plopped to his bed and farted audibly.
“Jesus, dog,” Adam said, and had to open the window so they wouldn’t suffocate.
“He’s handy,” Dell said. “You train him to do that on cue?” Leaning back, he studied Adam. “You f**ked it up, didn’t you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Dell sighed. “You had a grand old time watching me fall flat on my face for Jade, remember?”
“Yeah, because you were an idiot about it.”
“Well, then, don’t look in the mirror.”
“I said we’re not talking about this.”
“Okay,” Dell said agreeably. “But we are. Look, things have never come easy for Connellys. Hell, half the time, we made it harder on ourselves on purpose, I think.”
Adam shrugged.
Dell put his feet down and leaned over the desk. “Look, we both know that everything that happened to us growing up was fucked-up. And then things didn’t exactly get better for you, did they? But you’re good now, you’ve gone through hell to find yourself again and you’re good.”
Adam scowled. Why is he talking about this? “So?”
“So…it seems to me that it’s all smooth sailing for you, from here on out,” Dell said. “All you have to do is let yourself enjoy it.”