Colin let out a long breath. The conversation was not moving in the direction he'd hoped. He certainly hadn't intended for her to throw his earlier insistence that she not tell anyone about her secret life back in his face. "If you hadn't published that last column," he said, "we wouldn't be in this position, that is true, but the point is now moot, don't you think?"wColin," she whispered. "If you tell the world I'mLady Whistledown, and they react the way we think they will, you'll never see yourjournals published."
His heart stood still.
Because that was when he finally understood her.
She had told him before that she loved him, and she had shown her love as well, in all the ways he'd taught her. But never before had it been so clear, so frank, so raw.
All this time she'd been begging him not to make the announcement—it had all been for him.
He swallowed against the lump that was forming in his throat, fought for words, fought even for breath.
She reached out and touched his hand, her eyes pleading, her cheeks still wet with tears. "I could never forgive myself," she said. "I don't want to destroy your dreams."wThey were never my dreams until I met you," he whispered.wYou don't want to publish your journals?" she asked, blinking in confusion. "You were just doing it for me?"wNo," he said, because she deserved nothing less than complete honesty. "I do want it. It is my dream.
But it's a dream you gave me."wThat doesn't mean I can take it away."wYou're not."wYes, I—"
'No," he said forcefully, "you're not. And getting my work published ... well, it doesn't hold a candle to my real dream, which is spending the rest of my life with you."wYou'll always have that," she said softly.wI know." He smiled, and then it turned rather cocky. "So what do we have to lose?"wPossibly more than we could ever guess."wAnd possibly less," he reminded her. "Don't forget that I'm a Bridgerton. And you are now, too. We wield a bit of power in this town."
Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged modestly. "Anthony is prepared to give you his full support."wYou told Anthony?" she gasped.wI had to tell Anthony. He's the head of the family. And there are very few people on this earth who would dare to cross him."wOh." Penelope chewed on her lower lip, considering all this. And then, because she had to know:wWhat did he say?"wHe was surprised."wI expected as much."wAnd rather pleased."
Her face lit up. "Really?"wAnd amused. He said he had to admire someone who could keep a secret like that for so many years.
He said he couldn't wait to tell Kate."
She nodded. "I suppose you'll have to make an announcement now. The secret is out."wAnthony will hold his counsel if I ask him to," Colin said. "That has nothing to do with why I want to tell the world the truth."
She looked at him expectantly, warily.wThe truth is," Colin said, tugging on her hand and pulling her close, "I'm rather proud of you."
She felt herself smiling, and it was so strange, because just a few moments earlier, she couldn't imagine ever smiling again.
He leaned down until his nose touched hers. "I want everyone to know how proud I am of you. By the time I'm through, there won't be a single person in London who doesn't recognize how clever you are."wThey may still hate me," she said.wThey may," he agreed, "but that will be their problem, not ours."wOh, Colin," she sighed. "I do love you. It's an excellent thing, really."
He grinned. "I know."wNo, I really do. I thought I loved you before, and I'm sure I did, but it's nothing like what I feel now."wGood," he said, a rather possessive gleam appearing in his eyes, "that's the way I like it. Now come with me."wWhere?"wHere," he said, pushing open a door.
To Penelope's amazement, she found herself on a small balcony, overlooking the entire ballroom. "Oh.
Dear. God," she gulped, trying to yank him back into the darkened room behind them. No one had seen them yet; they could still make their escape.
'Tsk tsk," he scolded. "Bravery, my sweet."wCouldn't you post something in the paper?" she whispered urgently. "Or just tell someone and allow the rumor to spread?'wThere's nothing like a grand gesture to get the point across."
She swallowed convulsively. As gestures went, this was going to be grand. "I'm not very good at being the center of attention," she said, trying to remember how to breathe in a normal rhythm.
He squeezed her hand. "Don't worry. I am." He looked out over the crowd until his eyes found those of their host, his brother-in-law, the Duke of Hastings. At Colin's nod, the duke began to move toward the orchestra.wSimon knows?" Penelope gasped.wI told him when I arrived," Colin murmured absently. "How do you think I knew how to find the room with the balcony?"
And then the most remarkable thing happened. A veritable fleet of footmen appeared as if from nowhere and began handing tall flutes of champagne to every guest.wHere's ours," Colin said approvingly, picking up two glasses that were waiting in the corner. "Just as I asked."
Penelope took hers silently, still unable to comprehend all that was unfolding around her.wIt's probably a little flat by now," Colin said in a conspiratorial sort of whisper that she knew was meant to set her at ease. "But it's the best I could do under the circumstances."
As Penelope clutched Colin's hand in terror, she watched helplessly as Simon quieted the orchestra and directed the throng of party goers to turn their attention to his brother and sister on the balcony.