He couldn't let her do this. He couldn't let her make him like he'd once been.
He tried to say her name, couldn't get anything out.
He had to leave. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't be with her. He didn't even want to be with himself, but that, unfortunately, was beyond his meager control.
“D-don't c-come n-near me,” he gasped, jabbing his finger at her as he yanked on his trousers. “Y-y-y-you did this!”
“Did what?” Daphne cried, pulling a sheet around her. “Simon, stop this. What did I do that was so wrong? You wanted me. You know you wanted me.”
“Th-th-this!” he burst out, pointing at his throat. Then he pointed toward her abdomen. “Th-th-that.”
Then, unable to bear the sight of her any longer, he stormed from the room.
If only he could escape himself with the same ease.
Ten hours later Daphne found the following note:
Pressing business at another of my estates requires my attention. I trust you will notify me if your attempts at conception were successful.
My steward will give you my direction, should you need it.
Simon
The single sheet of paper slipped from Daphne's fingers and floated slowly to the floor. A harsh sob escaped her throat, and she pressed her fingers to her mouth, as if that might possibly stem the tide of emotion that was churning within her.
He'd left her. He'd actually left her. She'd known he was angry, known he might not even forgive her, but she hadn't thought he would actually leave.
She'd thought—oh, even when he'd stormed out the door she'd thought that they might be able to resolve their differences, but now she wasn't so sure.
Maybe she'd been too idealistic. She'd egotistically thought that she could heal him, make his heart whole. Now she realized that she'd imbued herself with far more power than she actually possessed. She'd thought her love was so good, so shining, so pure that Simon would immediately abandon the years of resentment and pain that had fueled his very existence.
How self-important she'd been. How stupid she felt now.
Some things were beyond her reach. In her sheltered life, she'd never realized that until now. She hadn't expected the world to be handed to her upon a golden platter, but she'd always assumed that if she worked hard enough for something, treated everyone the way she would like to be treated, then she would be rewarded.
But not this time. Simon was beyond her reach.
The house seemed preternaturally quiet as Daphne made her way down to the yellow room. She wondered if all the servants had learned of her husband's departure and were now studiously avoiding her. They had to have heard bits and pieces of the argument the night before.
Daphne sighed. Grief was even more difficult when one had a small army of onlookers.
Or invisible onlookers, as the case may be, she thought as she gave the bellpull a tug. She couldn't see them, but she knew they were there, whispering behind her back and pitying her.
Funny how she'd never given much thought to servants' gossip before. But now—she plopped down on the sofa with a pained little moan—now she felt so wretchedly alone. What else was she supposed to think about?
“Your grace?”
Daphne looked up to see a young maid standing hesitantly in the doorway. She bobbed a little curtsy and gave Daphne an expectant look.
“Tea, please,” Daphne said quietly. “No biscuits, just tea.”
The young girl nodded and ran off.
As she waited for the maid to return, Daphne touched her abdomen, gazing down at herself with gentle reverence. Closing her eyes, she sent up a prayer. Please God please, she begged, let there be a child.
She might not get another chance.
She wasn't ashamed of her actions. She supposed she should be, but she wasn't.
She hadn't planned it. She hadn't looked at him while he was sleeping and thought—he's probably still drunk. I can make love to him and capture his seed and he'll never know.
It hadn't happened that way.
Daphne wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but one moment she was above him, and the next she'd realized that he wasn't going to withdraw in time, and she'd made certain he couldn't…
Or maybe—She closed her eyes. Tight. Maybe it had happened the other way. Maybe she had taken advantage of more than the moment, maybe she had taken advantage of him.
She just didn't know. It had all melted together. Simon's stutter, her desperate wish for a baby, his hatred of his father—it had all swirled and mixed in her mind, and she couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.
And she felt so alone.
She heard a sound at the door and turned, expecting the timid young maid back with tea, but in her stead was Mrs. Colson. Her face was drawn and her eyes were concerned.
Daphne smiled wanly at the housekeeper. “I was expecting the maid,” she murmured.
“I had things to attend to in the next room, so I thought I'd bring the tea myself,” Mrs. Colson replied.
Daphne knew she was lying, but she nodded anyway.
“The maid said no biscuits,” Mrs. Colson added, “but I knew you'd skipped breakfast, so I put some on the tray, anyway.”
“That's very thoughtful of you.” Daphne didn't recognize the timbre of her own voice. It sounded rather flat to her, almost as if it belonged to someone else.
“It was no trouble, I assure you.” The housekeeper looked as if she wanted to say more, but eventually she just straightened and asked, “Will that be all?”
Daphne nodded.
Mrs. Colson made her way to the door, and for one brief moment Daphne almost called out to her. She almost said her name, and asked her to sit with her, and share her tea. And she would have spilled her secrets and her shame, and then she would have spilled her tears.