Emma realized that when Alex had asked her what prompted her to propose to him, she’d answered the question all wrong. Practically the first word out of her mouth had been “money.” But, she thought angrily, he had asked what prompted her to ask him, not why she wanted to marry him. If he had inquired about that, she probably would have gulped down her pride and told him that she loved him, praying that he’d respond in a similar fashion.
But just because she understood why Alex had reacted as he did didn’t mean that she forgave him for the injustice. He never should have jumped to such a vicious conclusion about her. She thought that they had built a more solid relationship than that. She had believed that Alex was her friend, not just another one of her admirers. And as her friend, he ought to have trusted her enough at least to ask her what she meant when she said that she needed money. If he had cared about her, he would have realized that there had to be more to her story than simple greed. He would have given her the chance to explain the sticky situation in which Ned had placed her.
Emma took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. If Alex didn’t trust her as a friend, she didn’t see how he was going to trust her as a wife. And that probably meant he didn’t really love her.
Emma hurried along as she turned the final corner that led to the block where she lived. She had no doubt that Alex would eventually come to his senses and figure out what had happened. He had a stubborn streak that almost matched hers, but he would realize that his image of Emma as a money-grubbing social climber just didn’t ring true in light of their two months of solid friendship. He might even apologize. But Emma didn’t think she’d be able to forgive him for not trusting her. They could have been very happy together. They could have had a marvelous marriage. Well, she thought spitefully, he had ruined his chances for happiness.
Unfortunately, he had also ruined hers.
Which was why, when Emma finally scurried up the steps and slipped through the front door of the Blydon household, it was all she could do to blink back her tears and race up the stairs to her bedroom before they exploded like a flood. She locked her door with a quick twist of her wrist and threw herself down on her bed, thoroughly soaking her pillowcase within minutes.
She cried with great, big, wrenching sobs that shook her entire body and wrung out her soul. She was oblivious to the noise she was making, nor did she notice the tentative taps that first Ned, then Belle, then finally Caroline made on her door. A piece of her heart had been ripped out that afternoon, and Emma was mourning its loss. Never again would she trust her judgment when it came to men. And the most agonizing part of it was, she knew that she still loved him. Alex had, in a way, betrayed her, and still she loved him. She didn’t think she’d ever learn how to stop loving him.
And she hurt so much. Her father had told her that time healed all wounds, but she wondered if there were enough years left in her lifetime to ease the hard, throbbing ache in her heart. Alex had wounded her, and he had wounded her deeply.
But as Emma’s tears slowly subsided, another emotion came to join the sorrow, hurt, and pain that racked her body. Anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. How dare he treat her so callously? If Alex couldn’t trust her, the woman he supposedly wanted to spend his life with, he must be colder, meaner, more cynical than the ton had ever supposed. For all she cared, he could live out his life all alone with his hard little heart.
She was furious.
And so, when Emma finally unlocked her door, and Ned came tumbling into her room, her eyes were still red-rimmed and bloodshot but she wasn’t crying. She was seething.
“What on earth happened?” Ned burst out, quickly closing the door behind him. “Are you all right?” He took her by the shoulders, scanning her features intently. “Did he hurt you?”
Emma looked away. Ned’s concern for her well-being diffused most of the explosive anger that possessed her. “Not physically, if that’s what you mean.”
“He said no, didn’t he?” Ned surmised. “What an idiot. Any fool could tell he was in love with you.”
“I guess he’s the biggest fool of all, then,” Emma tried to joke. “Because he surely didn’t know it himself.” She crossed the room and gazed bleakly out the window for a minute before finally turning back to her cousin. “I’m really sorry, Ned. I know how desperately you needed the money. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get it now.” Emma let out a harsh little laugh. “Unless you marry me, of course.”
Ned stared at her in amazement.
“Although I don’t think we’d suit,” she continued wryly. “Frankly I think I’d laugh if you tried to kiss me. I don’t think it’s going to work. I’m so sorry.”
“For God’s sake, Emma!” Ned exploded. “I don’t care about the money. I’m not a pauper. I’ll find a way to get it.” He strode over to her and pulled her into a brotherly embrace. “I’m concerned about you. That bastard hurt you, didn’t he?”
Emma nodded, feeling slightly better now that Ned was holding her. A hug worked wonders for the broken heart. “Actually, the only thing that is keeping me from crying right now is that I’m so furious with him. And,” she added sheepishly, “I’ve cried so many tears I think I’ve dehydrated myself.”
“Would you like a glass of water?”
“Actually, I think I would.”
“Wait a moment. I’ll fetch a maid.” Ned led Emma to her bed where she dutifully sat down and then crossed the room and opened the door.