Sam spoke first. “I thought I made myself clear.”
“You did,” she assured him.
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I had something I wanted to say,” she told him, standing on the other side of the screen door. “It won’t take long, I promise.” He hadn’t invited her inside, and that was fine. Even if he had, she wouldn’t have accepted.
He crossed his arms and looked bored. “You’ve already apologized. Doing it again isn’t going to change anything.”
“I’m not here to apologize, Sam.”
“Fine. Whatever. Say whatever it is and then it would be best if you left.”
She cleared her throat, mentally reviewing her prepared speech. “Do you remember one of the first times you came to visit me in the hospital? It was shortly after the accident? I asked you to read me a Psalm from the Bible.”
“I remember,” he returned, as though bored.
“I fell asleep and when I woke you were still reading. You mentioned that you wanted to learn more about David, the shepherd boy who had composed the majority of the psalms.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So,” she said exhaling, struggling to hold herself together. “You were amused after reading about David fighting Goliath. You mentioned there were a number of details you hadn’t heard before. Saul said if David was going to face off with the giant then he needed to wear the king’s armor. You laughed at the picture of this teenage boy strapping on the armor to the point he could barely walk.”
Sam exhaled. “Is there a point to this?”
“Yes. I’m getting there. David did his best to do as the king asked, but it was impossible. If you remember, he took off the armor before he faced the giant. We discussed it at the time.”
“Yes, I recall all that. So what?”
“So,” she said, her lips trembling. “The giant in your life, Sam, is what happened with Trish and your daughter.”
He frowned but didn’t respond.
“And you’re fighting that giant loaded down with body armor. You can’t move, you can’t love, you can’t defeat that giant as long as you’re weighted down with this wall you’ve erected around your heart. I love you, Sam, and I unintentionally hurt you, but you aren’t able to see past that because you haven’t been able to defeat your giant.”
“I’ve heard enough,” he said, and started to close the door.
“Think about it, Sam.”
He glared back, unyielding. Seeing her words had no effect, she sighed. “Good-bye, Sam,” she said softly, brokenly. “I won’t trouble you again.”
The door closed and Beth hung her head, breathed in three deep breaths, and turned and left.
A month passed. Beth had hoped to hear from Sam and knew if he had been inclined to reach out, it would have happened before now.
The first Friday night in March, Nichole asked her if she’d be willing to watch Matthew again. She knew it would be a challenge alone but felt she was up to it.
Matthew was awake and crawling around the house, exploring his world when she arrived. Nichole gave her the list of instructions as she had before, and within ten minutes of Beth’s arrival, Nichole and her husband were out the door.
“Okay kiddo,” she said, chasing after the baby. “It’s you and me against the world.” She remembered how watching him the first time had taken both her and Sam’s full attention. Smiling, she remembered Sam’s response to a messy diaper. They’d had some fun adventures. Despite the fact that they were no longer together, she didn’t look back with regret. She’d learned a lot about herself from him and she hoped that in time he would be able to think of her fondly.
Her phone rang and she picked up. “Hey, Sunshine,” she said, pleased to hear from her aunt. Sunshine and Peter were quite the item these days. Her aunt had made more trips to Chicago in the last two months than in the last two years. If she wasn’t in the Windy City, then Peter was in Portland, the Rose City. Beth was thrilled that the two of them had found each other again. Their relationship was serious, and she fully expected them to stay together. Yes, she’d meddled in their lives, but at least this time there looked to be a happy ending.
“Where are you?” Beth asked.
“Chicago. Peter and I are heading to the theater. I wanted to ask if you’d stop by my place one day next week and bring in the mail for me.”
“Of course. You’re staying with Peter the entire week?”
“Yes. It’s getting more difficult to leave him. He asked me to move to Chicago permanently.”
Beth hated the thought of her aunt leaving Portland, and if she did, Beth might move elsewhere herself. Her teaching contract was for the current school year and she hadn’t yet signed on for another year. There was nothing to hold her in Portland. It saddened her to think of walking away from Sam, but the truth was it was probably for the best.
“That’s wonderful,” she said, forcing enthusiasm into her voice. “If you do, I might move back myself. Mom and I are getting along better than ever, and there’s nothing holding me down in Portland.”
“You do whatever you feel is best,” Sunshine advised.
Thankfully, Matthew fell asleep quickly, tired out by all the activity. Beth held him long after he’d finished his bottle. She softly kissed his forehead and mulled over the future. Her teaching contract had been renewed. All that was required of her was to pen her name on the bottom line. It was then that she decided she wouldn’t do it.
She was leaving Portland.
The following week, the March rains came in full force. Beth waited for a break in the weather and raced toward the faculty parking lot. As she approached her vehicle, she noticed a man climb out of a truck cab and approach her.
Sam.
Her steps faltered and she paused, unsure what to do. She froze, slowing her steps as she walked toward her vehicle, uncertain and struggling with seeing him again.
“I heard you decided to leave Portland,” he said, his eyes holding her prisoner.
“Who told you that?” Silly question. Clearly Nichole had been the informant. “Never mind. The answer is obvious.”
“I thought you liked Portland.”
“I do, but it looks like Sunshine is going to move back to Chicago to be closer to Peter.”
“They’re together?” He sounded surprised and looked pleased both at the same time.
“Yeah, despite me,” she said in an effort to make a joke.
It started to rain again and she placed a music folder over the top of her head as protection. She waited a few uncomfortable moments for Sam to say something more. He didn’t. It was silly to stand in the rain, waiting, not knowing for what. She gave him a weak smile. “Nice seeing you, Sam,” she said as she hit the remote that would unlock her car door.
“Wait,” he said. “Don’t go.”
“I’m getting wet.”
“This won’t take a minute.” He looked down at his feet and kicked at a rock. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what you said … the giant and David and the armor.”
“That’s good.”
He glanced up at the darkening sky. “Listen, would you like to go someplace for coffee and to talk?”
She would more than anything, but she had plans. “Sorry, I can’t. I’ve got an appointment.” It’d started to rain in earnest.
His mouth thinned. “An appointment or a date?”
“Does it matter?” she asked. He’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in seeing her any longer.
Oblivious to the rain, he held her gaze. “Guess not. Have a good time.”
That was it? He had nothing more to say? Beth stared back at him, disappointment stealing over her. With nothing else to do, she slid inside the car and started the engine. The wiper blades automatically went on. After fastening her seatbelt, she looked at Sam, hoping, praying he would say or do something to stop her. The least he could do was suggest they meet another time. Apparently, that was more than he was willing to do.
With no other option, she put the car in gear and started toward the exit. Her throat was thick and she glanced in her rearview mirror, debating if she should turn back around until she remembered their last meeting. Sam had basically closed the door on her, ending their relationship if he was serious. If he’d had a change of heart, it was up to him to say so.