So the box was another part of my test. First they gave me back my grandpa so I had someone to confide in, trust . . . and love. And then the man I trusted gave me a supposedly secure place to tell all my secrets.
“No, Grandpa, I’m not going to tell him. I wouldn’t want to put the Compound in danger like that.” The boys in the van would probably like that added bit of patriotism.
He sat next to me on the couch and put his arm around me. “You seem down tonight. Are you down?”
I leaned against him, letting myself believe for one last second that this was my real grandpa. That he had come back from the grave and was a part of my life again. My mind wouldn’t let me believe all the way, though, so a sadness settled in my chest.
“I think you passed,” Fake Grandpa said.
“What?”
The front door opened and shut. I sat up quickly.
“Who’s that?”
“Just someone who’s going to help you feel better.”
Memory Eraser from the van walked in. His empty eyes took me in. I tried not to let the fear that shot through me show on my face. Duke must’ve delivered the news to the van that I hadn’t confessed to anything like he’d claimed I would. Memory Eraser didn’t know what we’d done. Laila would restore my memory later. I just needed to relax. I repeated those three phrases over and over as he walked toward me. I pretended to be confused, looking back and forth between the two of them. And then his hands touched my head and I was enveloped in blackness.
CHAPTER 42
Laila: Real feelings are much better than fake ones.
Eli slept in the cab, so Connor and I lay in the back of his truck, under some blankets, staring at the stars. Everything looked hopeful. Addie had just texted Trevor to come pick her up from the dance. She was confused as to how it had gotten so late and about where everyone had gone, but otherwise seemed to have her memories. Which meant they really had only Erased Fake Grandpa from her mind.
Now we were waiting for Trevor to return so we could restore Addie’s memory before heading home. We had only applied for a twelve-hour pass—it was the quickest way out of the Compound. We wanted to get back sooner rather than later to avoid more people investigating this area. That was the last thing Addie needed.
Connor lay a couple of feet away, his arms crossed firmly over his chest, his hands tucked beneath them. I knew he was angry with me for suggesting he Heal the CC guys of their abilities, but I was pissed too. Those guys had been playing Addie like she was a piece in some game, and they had absolutely no remorse. But I couldn’t say that out loud. I had to be careful with what I said out loud. “I was just trying to scare them.”
He didn’t say a word. Didn’t move a muscle. Was he really going to be a baby about this?
“What do you want me to say?” I asked. “Sorry?”
He stood then, vaulted out of the truck, and stalked away from me. I closed my eyes and sighed. Yes, he needed to walk it off. Get it out of his system. Wait, no, that meant I’d sit in this truck angry.
I ran up the street after him and caught him by the arm just as he entered the circle of yellow created by the streetlight overhead. I cut off his retreat. “Connor, you have an ability. Use it.”
“I will use it when I feel it’s necessary, not when you do.”
“You never feel like it’s necessary, so I was just making a suggestion.”
“More like a demand.”
“Oh, and you weren’t demanding that I use mine?”
“Considering you use it when someone looks at you wrong, I didn’t think you’d have a problem with it.”
“Why do you care when I use it? Are you my father now?”
“Someone needs to be. Yours couldn’t care less about how you abuse your ability. Or anything else you do, for that matter.”
I whirled around, but he caught me by the wrist before I could leave and pulled me to face him. He clasped my wrists against his chest, and I used my forearms to keep him from pulling me any closer.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I was angry.”
I shrugged. “It’s true.”
“I shouldn’t have said it.” He moved his head in front of me, forcing me to look at him. “I thought you understood how I felt about what I did.”
“You used your ability. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of that.”
His eyes shifted back and forth between mine, staring at me intently. “I took away my father’s ability. You really think I should be proud of that?”
Maybe I felt this way because I was so angry with his father. “You saw what you were capable of. If you’re going to bury your ability for the rest of your life, you might as well stay here.” I pointed to the ground, letting it represent all the Norm world. I was breathless now, and my eyes stung. When I focused on Connor again, his intense stare had softened.
“Is that what this is about?” he asked.
“What?”
“You wanting me to use my ability. You’re worried that if I don’t depend on my ability, I won’t need the Compound? You’re worried that after spending time here, I won’t want to leave?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not worried about that. You can do whatever you want.”
“Do you want me to stay here?”
With clenched teeth, I shook my head no.
He pulled me close, and this time I wrapped my arms around him. Then he kissed me like this was good-bye. It scared me. What if being here had made him realize how much he loved it? What if it had tilted the scale in favor of the Norm world? I, alone, couldn’t add much weight to the Compound side of the argument, even if I jumped up and down on the scale. Especially after everything we’d seen tonight. Maybe I was stupid for wanting to go back. But I did, and I didn’t want this to be good-bye. I tried to memorize the feel of his lips, the pressure of his arm on my back, the texture of his hair, as if he was going to slink away in the night as soon as the kiss was over.