I understand his point. The angels don't seem worth saving. "What of your other brothers? Zeb and Ace."
He shrugs. "They have the same option as us. They can leave their realms right now, live a life of peace. Or they can stay and fight to control their own lands. The choice is up to them. Why should they not face the consequences?"
A part of me can't believe what I'm hearing. The Prince of War speaking of surrender. But a part of me can't help but be swayed by his arguments. For over four months I have been a prisoner of Inferna. Tortured, forced to do terrible deeds to survive. I do not wish to return to such a world. I don't, but… I have a reason. The reason that started it all.
"My mother," I whisper. "I can't leave my mother."
"You won't have to."
My heart stops. "What?"
"We can still fulfill the contract, if you wish. I can turn you, make you vampire. Your mother will be free. And then together, we leave Inferna and Avakiri and all the sorrow they bring."
"I…" I never considered I could free my mother and not actually rule. I'd be a Queen, yes, but only in title. "I… I don't know."
Fen sighs, then breathes in deeply, his eyes full of compassion. "I know what you feel. Even as I say these words, a part of me wishes to rush back to Inferna, to defeat Lucian and reclaim Stonehill. For I am the Prince of War, the Prince of Death. I do not surrender. I do not lose. But, I think… I think I am tired of being a prince. I think I am tired of fighting." He lets go of my hands and sits down, his back against the tree. "For so long I have fought, but it is only recently, since I met you, that I have thought about why I fight. For the vampires? They enslaved half a race, killed thousands and have no intention of stopping. The Fae? They captured you, manipulated you to their own ends, seeking to kill every vampire, to wipe away an entire people. And not just them, but the Shade too, because their blood is impure. So, why did I fight? It is only now, I realize, I fought for myself. Because I enjoyed it. The thrill of battle, the ecstasy of victory. Seeing others envious at my abilities. But… I don't care for such things now. At least, I do not wish to. So, let us put an end to fighting. Not by going back and fighting more, but by leaving our swords behind."
He goes down on one knee, taking my hand in his. "Please, Arianna, come with me. Come with me, and I promise I will do everything I can to bring you happiness every single day of your life. Even if that life is forever."
My eyes fill with tears. My knees feel weak. This is… this is all I wanted. All I could have hoped for. To be with the man I love, raising our child together, my mother alive and free. I want to go with him. I need to. I feel that same vague muting of urgency that I felt in the cave. That same whim to abandon all to my desire for this man. It's hard to fight that. Hard to stay focused on something that doesn't feel nearly as good as giving in.
And yet, I can't.
Because something inside me knows it is the wrong choice. Something inside me pulls be back to Inferna. And it isn't because I enjoy battles or winning. It is because I hope. I hope for a better world. For everyone. And I will never stop.
Dum Spiro Spero.
While I breathe, I hope.
"I'm sorry," I say, pulling back, letting go of his hands as tears sting my eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't go with you. I need to free the Fae. I need to end the slavery. Because, if I don't, I won't ever be happy, not truly, and that won't be fair to you. It won't be fair to me. And I won't live like that. I'm sorry." Before he can protest more, I turn and run. Run into the forest, tears falling from my eyes.
Behind me, I hear something smash. A fist meeting wood.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
***
I run out of breath by a pond. The waters shimmer with pale blues and greens, and glowing fish swim underneath. Trees sway overhead, though I feel no wind. The air smells of jasmine and roses and honey, though I see none of those things around me. I find a large stone to sit on and ponder my options. I need to go back to Inferna, but what if that means things between Fen and I will never be the same? Can I really choose the Fae over him? When for the first time in his so very long existence he has the chance for peace?
Someone walks up behind me. "What was that all about?" asks Dean. He sits next to me, throwing his arm over my shoulders.
I sigh, trying to relax. "Fen and I… we disagree on what to do next."
"Let me guess, he just wants to say screw it to Inferna and run off with you."
"How do you—"
"Because I'd do the same." He smiles mischievously. "But I can't. So, I will go back to reclaim my realm, to preserve the arts and culture of Inferna and Avakiri."
"Noble goals," I say, resting my chin on my palm.
"More selfish really. I can't live without beauty."
"It's strange, but somehow, going back to fight for the Fae, somehow it feels selfish. Because I'm doing what I want despite what Fen wants. Because in doing so, if I fail, if I die, my mother would forever be trapped by the contract. So… that make any sense?"
He raises an eyebrow. "Well, it's definitely messed up. You want to fight so that millions can be free, and somehow that makes you selfish? Sorry princess, but the world doesn't work that way. You are the most selfless person I know. And, considering I'm an ancient charismatic socialite vampire, I think that's saying something."