I sighed. “Bump it up.”
“Ooo, studly!” she grinned as we walked to the road and then started a easy jog, heading toward the lakefront area. “You’ll be running ten-Ks before you know it.”
I scowled. “Y’know, you could at least pretend to have a hard time running.” I could believe she’d been a gymnast. Her uniform hid it, but she wasn’t just slender—she was lean muscle. She ran like a graceful deer, barely breathing hard, while I was already panting by the quarter-mile mark.
“Nah, this is far more fun,” she replied, tone annoyingly chipper. “Hey, you could always go running with Ryan.”
“And have him see my pale flabby legs and my red sweaty face? I think not.”
Her grin turned wicked. “I think he’d love to see you all sweaty.”
“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know? Besides, we’re friends. That’s it.”
“Uh-huh,” she replied, voice thick with disbelief. “You’re telling me that you don’t want to snuggle up with Fed Boy?”
I grimaced. “Things are too messed up right now for that.”
She flicked a glance at me. “Because of Rhyzkahl.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? Every time I summon him, we end up fucking like rabbits in heat. And, then I get all confused because I . . . well, I’m starting to really like being around him. I mean, some of the time. Other times he’s totally the powerful arcane dude and I wonder what the hell I’m doing even thinking about getting emotionally involved with a demonic lord. And I like Ryan, but there’s no way that he’s going to make any sort of move on me, or accept any move from me, as long as I’m sworn to the demonic lord.” I had to pant for breath after that long speech.
“Does Ryan know that you’re still sleeping with demon dude?”
I gave a breathless laugh. “Ain’t no sleeping involved, darlin’. But, to answer your question, Ryan knows that I slept with him that first time.” I grimaced, remembering Ryan’s reaction to that revelation. It had been ugly and unpleasant, to put it mildly. Ryan had demanded to know how I could have “fucked that thing.” I’d retorted with something equally heated and nasty. We’d managed to get past the incident for the most part, but it wasn’t an issue I cared to revisit with him. “I figure Ryan assumes that I’m still sleeping with Rhyzkahl, now that I’m sworn to him as his summoner.” I abruptly realized that this was the first time I’d spoken about all of this openly to anyone.
“Seems to me that he’d probably assume you were sleeping with Rhyzkahl even if you weren’t,” Jill pointed out. “So, if you’re gonna be suspected of something, might as well do it!”
“You’re not helping,” I groaned.
She laughed. “I know, but I saw that drawing of Rhyzkahl in that comic. Holy shit, woman. I’d be on him like white on rice!”
I sighed. “Even if I stop screwing Rhyzkahl, it won’t do any good. I think Ryan sees me as tainted goods anyway.” He definitely seemed determined to keep me firmly in the “just friends” category.
Jill grabbed my arm and stopped dead, causing me to flail for balance as she spun me to face her. “Now you listen to me, you stubborn hardheaded bitch,” she snarled. “I don’t know if Ryan sees you that way or not—but if he does then he’s a fucking moron who doesn’t deserve you. And you’d better not see yourself that way, because the only thing you’re tainted with is being a damn human who wants some good fucking every now and then.”
I stared at her for several seconds before I finally recovered enough to give her a weak smile. “Okay.”
She bared her teeth at me in a fierce smile. “I mean, seriously! Why is it that women get so damn angsty about having enjoyable sex?”
“I don’t dislike enjoyable sex!” I protested.
“No? But you’re sure determined to feel guilty about it. So, do you enjoy it?”
I actually blushed. “Well . . . yeah.”
“Does Rhyzkahl make you feel good and sexy and special?”
I tried not to fidget. “Um. Yeah, but it’s not that simple.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Does he ever force you or coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do?”
I shook my head. In fact I realized that I had absolutely zero fear that he would ever fail to back off if I ever wanted him to.
Jill shrugged. “Okay, so maybe you can’t see yourself settling down with him as Mrs. Demonic Lord, but the way I see it, what you have with Rhyzkahl is the ultimate fuckbuddy. Hot, gorgeous, respects your limits, and makes you feel good. Am I missing anything?”
I stared at her, then began to giggle. “Fuckbuddy. Holy shit.” I tried to picture myself explaining the concept to Rhyzkahl, which only made me laugh harder.
Jill grinned. “Exactly. So stop flailing around in puritanized guilt. If Ryan wants to be with you, then he needs to nut up and make a fucking move on you and fight for you.”
I managed to get my laughter under control. “But he hasn’t made a move, Jill,” I said. “Which means that he’s not interested.”“Or he’s completely thickheaded.”
I snickered. “That’s always possible.”
“And what about you?” Jill said, fixing me with a piercing look.
“Um, what about me?”
“Have you made any sort of move on him?” she asked. “Have you made it clear to him that you’d like to try being more than BFFs?” The look on her face told me that she already knew my answer.
I grimaced and twisted the toe of my shoe onto the sidewalk. “Not exactly.”
She cleared her throat.
I sighed. “Okay, no. I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
I scowled. “Shit, Jill, because I’m scared to death that he’ll say he doesn’t want to be anything more than friends, and then things would be awkward and we wouldn’t even have that.”
She took me by the shoulders. “Yo, woman. It’s not the nineteenth century anymore. You can’t leave it all up to him.” She gave me a shake. “Besides, how do you know he’s not scared about the same thing?”
I regarded her sourly for several seconds. “I hate it when you make sense,” I finally grumbled. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I’m being stupid.” I groaned. “When did I turn into a needy whiny angsty idiot who needed to be swept off her feet?”
She snorted then started running again, forcing me into a brief sprint to catch up. “We’re conditioned from birth,” she said. “I swear to god, if I ever have a daughter I’ll ban all of the Disney princesses from the house. Except Mulan. She kicks ass.”
I laughed, then had to save my breath for running.
I hated to admit it, but the jogging did seem to clear my head a bit. Or maybe it was oxygen deprivation making it difficult for my brain to concentrate on the various things that were stressing me out. Like what I would do if Ryan ever did make some sort of move. Would I have the strength to keep Rhyzkahl at arm’s length if that ever happened? It wasn’t as if I could simply stop seeing him, not as long as I was oathbound to him. And even if I did shift my relationship with Rhyzkahl to a platonic one, I couldn’t see Ryan being willing to endure the fact that I had any contact with the demonic lord.
“I think you know way too much about me,” I complained after we made the turn to head back to the house. “Obviously, I whine about my life too much.”
She chuckled. “Or I’m simply a nosy bitch.”
“Yeah, well, I’m going to start doing the nosy bitch routine with you,” I gave her a mock glare. “You keep dropping these little snippets of enticing info.”
“I’m boring,” she insisted.
I rolled my eyes, and tried to resist the urge to actually be a nosy bitch. Jill had once revealed to me that she was a widow, but hadn’t said anything more other than that it had been a short marriage and a long story. I could respect that some memories could be painful, but it shamed me that I knew very little about her in general. What kind of friend was I? Did I spend too much time whining about my own issues?
Yes, I decided glumly. I was overly preoccupied with myself and my own problems.
“Well, are you seeing anyone?” I asked. “Hot dates? Cold dates?”
She shrugged, but there was a small smile on her face. “A date here and there. Nothing much.”
I’d been a detective long enough to know that she was hiding something from me. “Anyone I know?” I pressed.
She kept her eyes on the road and shrugged again. “Um, well it’s a small town, so anything’s possible.” She abruptly veered to the right to take a side street, forcing me to quicken my pace to catch up with her. “Let’s cut through here and run along the lakefront, okay?”
“Sure,” I muttered, fairly sure that the change in direction was an excuse to change the subject as well.
“There’s a five-K race next month,” she said next, confirming my suspicion that she wanted to talk about something else.
Okay, so maybe she’s simply a really private person. Or maybe she thinks I’d be upset if I knew who she’d been dating? The only possible way I’d be upset was if she was dating Ryan, but even though the jealous third grader in me wanted to rear its pigtailed head, I simply couldn’t see the two of them dating. And why would she be encouraging me to make a move on him if that were the case?
Right?
I scowled and slapped my inner third grader down as we finally made the turn to head back to her house. I had enough drama in my life. I didn’t need to fabricate any more.
Chapter 10
I showered and changed into my work clothes at Jill’s house—a far more convenient option than making the thirty-minute drive back to my house to do so, where I would then have to make another thirty-minute drive to get to the station. My cell phone rang as I was toweling off after my shower, but since I recognized Ryan’s ringtone, I finished drying off and getting dressed first. It felt a bit weird to think about talking to him on the phone when I was naked. Yes, I was that stupid.