“Alice!” Jack ran after me, out onto the patio. The icy night wind whipped over us, nearly taking my breath away. “Alice!” When I didn’t stop, Jack grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at him. “What is going on with you?”
“You already know what’s going on with me.”
“No, I don’t.” He furrowed his brow, confused and hurt. “You’ve been so distant lately, and I know you’re hurting over Jane but… this feels like something different. And now you’re sneaking around and hiding things from me.”
“I’m not hiding things from you!” I snapped.
“Then what do you call a secret murder investigation?”
“You don’t understand.” I shook my head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand?”
“Why I need to have something for myself!” I tried to pull my arm away from him, but he wouldn’t let go.
“This isn’t the kind of thing you have yourself. It’s not ‘alone time’ or a ‘hobby. This is dangerous, Alice, and stupid.”
“Let her go,” Leif said, his voice startlingly firm. He stood just inside the open French door, watching me and Jack argue.
“She’s fine,” Jack said, but he let go of my arm. I didn’t move away, though. I kinda wanted to leave, to spite him, but I didn’t want Leif to think that Jack was actually hurting me.
“I think you should give her some space.” Leif walked out onto the patio, his bare feet leaving footprints in the snow.
“Why are you even here?” Jack asked, apparently growing weary of him.
“Give it a rest, Jack,” I said. “He doesn’t mean anything by it.”
Jack looked back at me, assessing me for something I didn’t understand. After a moment, he sighed and shook his head.
“Fine. I’m going in the house. Have all the space you want.” Jack went back into the house without even glancing back at me.
“Are you okay?” Leif asked, stepping closer to me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced a smile at him. “Jack wasn’t hurting me.”
“You don’t need to make excuses for him.” Leif put his hands in his pockets and looked intently at me.
“I’m not. He’s… We’re just going through something.” I shook my head. “I’m going through something, so that means he is too. I just wish I knew what it was.”
“Maybe you should talk to him about it. Or Milo,” Leif suggested.
“I can’t talk to Milo.” I wrapped my arms around myself and stared at the black lake behind us.
“He’s your brother and he cares about you, a lot.”
“I know. This is just… complicated,” I sighed. “Forever is a really long time, you know? What do you do with forever?”
“The same thing you do when you don’t have forever.” He smiled wanly. “Live.”
“That’s a bit simplistic.”
“But at least you have Milo. You know you’ll have somebody that will always care about you and always have your back. That’s important.”
I looked past Leif into the house. In the warm glow of the dining room, I could see Milo and Bobby talking. The wind almost drowned out their voices, but I could barely make Bobby out, denying he knew anything that I was up to. Milo’s face was etched with worry, thinking of what kind of trouble Bobby and I could get ourselves into.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” I said.
“Do you regret becoming a vampire?” Leif asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I don’t know.” I hadn’t wanted to think about it. “I love Jack. I love a lot of things about my life. But…” I shook my head. “I can’t change it now, anyway.”
“It’s not something I would’ve chosen for you,” Leif said.
“What do you mean by that?” I cocked my head.
“It’s not something I would’ve chosen for anybody,” Leif amended quickly and looked away.
“Why are you here?” I asked, remembering that Leif hadn’t answered that question when Jack asked.
“I was with Milo, helping him with his French homework.” He took a step back, as if wanting to put distance between us. “He’s having problems with the dialect, and I’m fluent.”
“You’re French?” I asked.
“Canadian,” he said. “I lived in Quebec for awhile.” He took another step back. “But the two of you seem busy now. I should be going.”
“Alright?” I asked, feeling a little confused.
“Tell Milo I’ll see him later.”
With that, Leif turned and disappeared into the darkness. I looked back in the house. Bobby had apparently convinced Milo nothing was going on, and they were hugging and kissing. I wasn’t sure where Jack was, but I was positive our reunion wouldn’t be quite so sweet.
13
“So what did Jack say?” Bobby asked, and I pushed the pedal down harder in the Audi as we whizzed through traffic.
Bobby didn’t look nervous about it all, the same way I hadn’t been nervous when Jack used to drive me around. He lived under the same fallacy as I had – that because we were immortal, we were infallible. But we weren’t.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I brushed Bobby off.