I tug at the knots of the Binding rope on my wrist, twisting them, fraying the ends, trying to loosen them. But they hold tight.
I want to know why Travis and Cass don't still wear their Binding ropes. If they ever wore them. It is the rule of Brethlaw that once the bride and groom are bound with the rope they are not to undo the Bindings until after the final vow ceremony is complete. Until they are bound in the eyes of God—bound spiritually so that the physical bonds are no longer necessary.
I know that it's reasonable to believe that, like Harry and me, Cass and Travis cut the rope so that they could escape from the breach more easily. But the thought, the mere idea that they may have never been bound eats away at me. That they may have refused the ceremony with Sister Tabitha, or that one of them may have cut the rope during the night, simmers in my veins.
I pull my knees up to my chest and place my forehead against the wet fabric of my skirt, squeezing my eyes shut. It feels as if my heart is about to explode as I wonder if Travis and Cass were ever Bound. As I wonder if I have ruined any chance for Travis and me to be together because I didn't wait for him until the end.
Because I chose to Bind myself to Harry. Because I gave up on Travis. On love.
I want to weep and laugh at the same time but instead I clench my teeth.
I try not to let the idea of the outside world tingle through my veins. But I cannot help it. On the edge of sleep, when my thoughts are no longer my own but controlled of their own volition, the sound of the ocean comes to me: the rustling of leaves of a hundred thousand trees that surround me, pulsing with the wind as the waves crash over my head. Pulling me under. Tossing my body as if it has no need of bones.
Every night I drown and every morning I wake up struggling to breathe.
Chapter 17
I wake to chaos. Voices shouting, Cass screaming, Argos barking. I thrash my legs, try to stand, and stumble a few steps until I'm brought up short by the fence. Cold fingers slip against my skin and I shriek and fall back until I'm huddled in the middle of the narrow path.
Cass holds Jacob behind her as she points toward the village. “They're coming,” she says, and in the murky fog I can see Harry standing with his legs spread, his ax held tight in his hands. Travis stands behind him, a thick branch his weapon. Argos crouches low and growls, ready to attack. The fences lining the path tower over them both, the predawn light slanting through the links casting crisscross shadows over all of us.
We can hear the shuffling of feet growing close. I reach out and take Cass's hand and she squeezes mine so tight in return that I can feel the bones grinding against one another.
“We should go farther away where it is safe,” I say as I tug her. “So long as it isn't the Fast One, we can outpace them.”
But before we can get too far I hear Harry shout and then he's running, the ax slipping from his fingers. Travis limps along after him and then, from around the corner, I see two figures coming toward us—a man and a woman.
Harry takes the woman in his arms and that's when I realize it's my brother and his wife. I run back down the path toward them, stopping a few arm's lengths from where Harry and Travis surround their sister, blocking me from my brother.
Jed steps aside and faces me. “Hello, Jed,” I say, approaching him as if I were the prodigal child, not him. I see him glance at the dingy white braided rope still dangling from my wrist and then his eyes search my face. For a moment I'm afraid he will say nothing but then he opens his arms and I am finally hugging my brother who has been gone from my life for so long. I can't help but think about the bond of friendship we used to have and how much I have missed him.
I step back and Jed slips a protective arm around his wife. She pulls a damp and grungy shawl tighter around her shoulders and leans her head against my brother, her frizzy brown hair falling loose from its bandana.
“The village is gone,” he says. We huddle as close together as possible on the narrow path. Beth at one end, leaning against my brother, then Harry and Travis and then Cass, Jacob and I at the other end. The fences hem us in on either side, making me feel slightly trapped, forcing me to breathe deeply to keep calm.
“Too many have turned,” Jed continues. “It's no longer safe on the ground.” He pulls Beth against him, using his hand to guide her head down to his shoulder. “We took the chance in the rain to come after you. This path was our only hope.”
Beth shudders at his words and it seems to pass from her bones to mine.
“But how can that be?” Harry asks. “The Guardians are trained for this.”
Jed's jaw clenches. “The Guardians train to repair fences, to repel a breach of slow and unwieldy Unconsecrated. It was the Fast One,” he tells us. “The one with the strange red clothing. She was too much. She came too quickly, killed too many. Then the dead turned and even though they were slow, they were too many. It was too much for the Guardians. For all of us.”
“But aren't they still fighting?” Harry asks. I can feel the frustration rolling from his shoulders. His hands clench as if searching for the ax to wield.
Jed just drops his head to his chest, brushes a soft kiss on his wife's forehead as tears drip down her face.
I feel the breath leave my body; my stomach burns with the knowledge that this is truly it. That our village is no more. It's as if everyone has had large weights dropped onto them. Their shoulders sag. Their legs buckle.
A hundred faces flicker across my mind: teachers, friends, Sisters, Guardians, neighbors. They are all Unconsecrated. Beth, Harry and Travis's parents: gone. Cass will never be hugged by her mother again. Jacob will never play with his sister.
I think about how it felt to lose first my father and then my mother. Of the crushing pain. And I can tell from the faces around me that such reality is beginning to settle in, become comprehensible to the others.
Jacob doesn't seem to understand, his expression puzzled as he glances from face to face.
Around us the Unconsecrated continue to moan, continue to paw at the fences. Harry clears his throat, grasps Jed by the arm. “Are you sure?”
“It's gone” is all that Jed says. “There is no going back.”
I can see how Harry's jaw tightens and I remember that look so well from our childhood when he used to watch the older boys tussle and play at being Guardians. I know he wonders if his presence in the village would have made a difference—if he is a coward for escaping through the gate.
“The path is our only option, then,” Travis says. He glances at all of us, and I can't help but think that his gaze lingers on mine more than the others.
The rest of us are silent and then Harry speaks. “We have some food that Mary and I brought from the village. And two bladders of water. We took them when we heard the sirens yesterday morning.”
“But will it be enough?” Cass asks. She has pressed Jacob's head against her chest and covered his ears so that he doesn't hear our conversation.“There are food and weapons on the path,” Jed says. His voice is calm and even.
Harry is the first to respond. “How? Why would … ? I don't understand,” he finally says.
Jed takes a deep breath. “The Sisterhood. Since the beginning, since after the Return, they have instructed the Guardians to shore up the path. To keep supplies out here in the event of a breach. It wasn't unforeseen that this could happen. That we would be forced from the village. The Guardians prepared for such an event.”
“But I'm a Guardian and I knew nothing about this.”
“You're an apprentice to the Guardians,” Jed says.
Harry's cheeks flash red. “My father was the chief of the Guardians and he said nothing of this!” Harry is shouting now, agitating the Unconsecrated that press against the fence on either side and causing their moans to intensify.
He looks over at me, his chest heaving. “You were a member of the Sisterhood, did you know about this?” There is fire in his eyes and I take a step back.
“The Sisters kept secrets,” I tell him. “And it appears as though the Guardians did as well.” I cannot look them in the eyes as I say this. We all keep secrets.
Harry thrusts his hands into his dark hair, his cheekbones appearing even sharper in the morning light. “They forbid us from this path, and yet they keep supplies here? Would I have ever been told?”
Jed shrugs. “What does it matter?” he asks.
Harry stays silent for a moment. “Then where does the path lead? If you know about the supplies, why don't you know where it leads?”
“Because even though I was chosen as a Guardian, I was not a member of the Guild. I doubt the Guild would even know. It's the Sisterhood that keeps the knowledge. We just do their bidding.” Jed turns to me. “That's where I was the day that Mother was … infected. I was out on the paths, checking supplies, making sure the fences still held. That's why I couldn't return before she … turned.”
I think back to my first day with the Sisters, to the hidden tunnel under the Cathedral that led to the clearing in the middle of the Forest. Of the little room where the Sisters had kept Gabrielle. I wonder again what was behind all the other thick doors and if the rest of them also hid rooms or if some concealed other tunnels that led to other paths. If right now the Sisters and the Guardians locked in the Cathedral had found their own way out of the village and were starting over again.
Leaving the rest of us behind to die.
“The Sisters and the Guardians no longer matter. What's important,” Jed says, interrupting my thoughts, “is that we can survive on this path. At least for a little while. But we need to start moving now.”
Harry is still scowling. He distributes the few bags of food that we have, bends to pick up his ax and says, “Since I'm the only one with a weapon, I will take the lead.” He commands Argos to his side and together they stride down the path, Cass and Jacob close behind him. Travis takes Beth's hand and walks with her, each supporting the other as they make their way carefully down the center of the path to avoid the looming fences. Jed and I trail behind.
We travel in silence the entire morning, picking our way through the brambles and over fallen branches. Finally, Jed stops walking and I do the same. The others continue down the path, curving away from us until we can no longer see them and we are alone. He seems anxious, jittery. He keeps shifting from one foot to the other as if he can't get comfortable.
Finally he speaks, his voice low. “Mary, I…” He hesitates and I watch as the muscles along his jaw twitch. Tears begin to spill down his cheeks, his face crumbling. “I don't know what to do,” he says.
I have never seen my brother cry and my heart begins to race. I step forward to comfort him but he holds up a hand, keeping me at bay.
“What is it, Jed?” I ask. “What's wrong?”
He turns toward the fence at his side, shakes his head.
“Jed?” I prod.
“She's infected, Beth is…” He chokes on his words. He scrapes a hand over his face as if it's the only thing holding his body together.
I stumble back, away from him. All this time she has been among us. All this time and he hasn't told us.
“You must kill her!” I say before I can think better of it. I am about to apologize when he falls to his knees in front of me. He grasps at my shirt, begging, and I am too stunned to speak.
“You don't understand,” he says. “You don't know. It's a small bite. It's nothing. Maybe she isn't sick … maybe …” His voice trails off.
I crouch down in front of him so that we're face to face. “Jed,” I say, trying to make my voice soft and soothing. “You are a Guardian. You know what a bite means. You know what infection means.”
He nods but I don't think my words have truly penetrated.
I take a deep breath. “You know there is no hope.”
“I cannot kill my wife,” he pleads with a hoarse voice, helpless, falling back on his heels. He beats at the ground and roars in anguish, causing the downed Unconsecrated nearby to rise, sensing our presence. I hear the moans as they begin the process of scenting us out. The first one hits the fence, not two arm's lengths away, and then another and another.
I listen to them rattle around us and then I say, “You can always let her go. You can turn her loose into the Forest.”
Jed starts to laugh, the sound low and bitter. He is on me before I can move, his fingers around my throat as he pushes me back and back. My legs tangle in my skirt and I fall against the fence, feel its rusty metal links digging through my clothes. “I see, Mary. You take pleasure in this, don't you.” His black hair is wild around his face. He bares his teeth. “I get mad at you for allowing our mother to become one of them and so now you can be smug that my wife will become one as well?”
I feel Unconsecrated fingers through my hair and I buck against the fence and try to scream but Jed has cut off any sound I can make. I thrash against him, my eyes rolling back in my head as all I can smell is death and decay and I'm desperate. Suddenly, he seems to realize what he's doing, what he's done, and he drops his hands.
I push away from him, away from the fence, and stumble down the path clutching the pinched skin of my neck. My breath comes in ragged gasps, tears burn my eyes and my body shakes with rage born of the terror I just experienced.
I've taken only a few steps when I hear him. “Mary, please.” His voice has lost its wild edge. “Please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He is sobbing now, sounding like the little boy I grew up with. I stop but don't turn back.
“I cannot lose her,” he says to me. “If you had ever been in love you would understand.”