She laughed softly. “I pretty much freaking love you too.”
We sat for a while, holding onto one another until Claudia finally drew away. “I suppose we better face the music. Just so you know, Beck will be cool. Jake tells him everything and he drops hints to me every now and then. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to confuse you, especially when all I had was Beck’s nonsensical hints and not facts, but looking back, I get the impression that Beck has known all along that Jake was in love with you. I think he’s been rooting for you both. So you’re golden there. Getting the best friend on your side is one of the biggest hurdles.”
I grinned at her. “Thank you.”
In answer she hauled me to my feet and I followed her back out into the sitting room. Everyone shut up when I walked back in and I instantly slid on my badass blank face so they’d assume I didn’t give a crap what they thought.
If I was just getting back together with Jake, I wouldn’t care. But the situation was complicated by Melissa and I did care about her getting hurt and I cared that my friends would see me as some kind of ogre because of it.
“About time,” Matt grumbled sleepily. “The foreplay between you and Jake was killing me. I was starting to feel bad for Mel.” He blinked rapidly. “Hey, do you think she’d go for me?”
“You’re a douche,” Lowe replied.
Matt thought about that for a second and then shrugged.
“Personally, I think it’s naebody’s business but Charley’s, Jake’s, and Melissa’s,” Rowena put in pointedly and stood. “So let’s put Charley out of her misery and go tae this bloody distillery before it closes.”
I knew I liked that girl for a reason.
The tour of the distillery was fun and Claudia definitely tried to take my mind off Jake by pushing whisky samples my way, but I couldn’t get him out of my head.
It grew even harder when he called me three hours after his departure.
I wandered away from the group, stepping outside into the parking lot, and answered. “Hey,” I said a little breathily, my nerves jumping all over the place.
“Hey.” His deep voice rippled through me and I closed my eyes, knowing that despite all the confusion and complication, if he’d been there with me, I’d be on him in a second. “Just wanted to check in.”
“Make sure I haven’t changed my mind?” I teased, only half joking.
“Something like that.”
“Well, I haven’t.”
“Good.”
I sighed. “How are you?”
“Got to admit, baby, I’m not looking forward to arriving in Edinburgh when you’re in Fort William. I wish you were here. I can’t believe we decided to give things a shot again and I’m on a train five minutes later traveling hundreds of miles away from you.”
“I know. But you were right. We need to take things one day at a time.”
“Yeah.” He sucked in a deep breath. “So are you at the distillery?”
“Yup. We got a tour and everything. But I barely remember a minute of it. My mind is kind of wandering …”
Jake was silent a moment before he told me quietly, “I feel like the biggest shit in the world right now because even though I’m sad about Melissa and I feel guilty as hell, I’m also pretty f**king excited we’re getting back together.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course, Jake. I wouldn’t have said yes to you otherwise.”
“Good, baby. I’m glad.”
“We still have a lot of things to talk about …”
“I know,” he replied quietly. “For now just tell me that when you get back on Sunday, you’ll meet me at Milk at nine o’clock so we can start over.”
I smiled tremulously. “I can do that.”
That night I lay in the bed next to Claudia’s and stared at the ceiling. I tried counting sheep, I tried going over song lyrics in my head, and I tried making lists of things I needed to do in an effort to bore myself to sleep. Yet, sleep eluded me. In the end, all I could think about was Jake and if I’d acted too impulsively by agreeing to get back together with him.
“You can’t sleep, can you?” Claudia’s voice surprised me.
Startled, I turned to her. “Apparently you can’t, either.”
“It’s because you’re thinking so loud.”
I grimaced. “I can’t help it.”
My friend flipped onto her side, tucking her hands beneath her pillow. “Do you want me to take your mind off it?”
“Uh, yes, please.”
Claudia’s expression was serious as she replied, “My mom called while you were taking a shower.”
Sensing something big, I twisted around onto my side to face her so she’d know she had my full attention. “What did she say?”
“She told me my real father’s name. She tracked him down for me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “She did? Wow.”
Claudia nodded, her mouth twisted in a little moue. “Apparently she’s more of a human that I thought. It’s the Botox—it confuses things. Anyway, his name is Dustin Tweedie.”
I blinked. “I know that name. Why do I know that name?”
“Because he was a pretty famous artist but he retired ten years ago. Google him. His art was weird but rich people buy weird shit. I would know. I live with two of them.”
It took a lot of self-restraint not to pick up my phone and put his name into Google. “Do you know anything else about him?”
“Just that he was brought up in England. Mom found out that he’s still a bachelor and he lives in Barcelona now.”
“My God, Claud. Are you okay?”
Her shoulder moved up to her ear. “I don’t know. I’m thinking I should just forget about him. Move on. He doesn’t know I exist and he lives in freaking Barcelona, so … it’s stupid to … I don’t even …”
Hearing her confusion and the crack in her voice, I slipped out from under my covers and darted across the room to her bed, my feet protesting against the icy cold floor. Claudia shimmied back, holding her duvet up, and I slipped in beside her. We faced each other and I reached for her hand. “Take your time thinking about what you want to do. Just know it’s not stupid if you’re thinking about reaching out to him. We’d all think about it if we were in your shoes.”
She nodded, biting on her lip, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I’m just tired of feeling like I’m constantly looking for something I never had. I’m not a kid anymore, Charley. I need to grow up and just accept what hand I’ve been dealt.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Never accept what hand you’ve been dealt if it’s not the hand you wanted. You deserve more than that. You deserve to win. Put all the other crap out of your head and just think about what you want.”
Her grip on my hand tightened so much, it was almost painful.
“Did you tell Beck?”
She shook her head. “He gets really mad about the whole thing—”
Because the idiot is in love with you!
“—and I didn’t want to turn the evening bad. He’s in a really good mood.”
“Are you two still … platonic?” I asked carefully.
“Oh no,” she shook her head, “you’re not getting to play matchmaker just because you and Jake are on your way to sorting your shit out. No, no, no.”
I laughed softly. “I just want you to be happy.”
Claudia made a face and replied airily, “I’m always happy.”
I squeezed her hand and whispered, “Not fake happy. Real happy.”
“You know what,” she whispered back, “I’m not unhappy. I’ve got you and I’ve got Jim and Delia Mom and Andie, and yes, Beck and I may be completely dysfunctional, but I have him too. And maybe one day I’ll have my own Jake. I’m not unhappy, Charley. I’m just trying to be hopeful and hoping that being hopeful doesn’t make me a child.”
“You’re not a child, Claud. You’re just human.”
We snuggled close to each other, our heads resting against one another. “It’s been some trip, huh?” she teased.
In answer I started to laugh until Claudia was giggling uncontrollably, our hilarity muffled by our pillows so we wouldn’t wake our friends.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Truth be told, I felt like I was going on my very first date.
By some miracle, I’d gotten through the rest of our trip in Fort William. Honestly, because we weren’t there to climb hills or do anything remotely relevant to the location, and because we didn’t have a car so we could check out the surrounding areas, we were pretty bored by the end of our stay, ready to get back to the city. Me more so than anyone.
I’d gone back and forth, back and forth on my feelings until I realized that every time I even thought about picking up the phone to call Jake and tell him I’d made a mistake, my chest burned with denial. I was doing this. I had to suck it up and accept my decision.
Once I’d gotten that through my thick head, I was pretty excited about getting back to him. Yes, I was nervous, and yes, I had no idea what our future held, but that would be the same in any relationship.
We got back to Edinburgh around five o’ clock. Lowe walked at my side as we ambled back to our apartments and as soon as we hit the Royal Mile, he grinned at me.
“What?” I frowned up at him.
“You. You’re a bundle of energy. You’re dying to get back to him.”
“Am not,” I grumbled petulantly.
Lowe laughed. “You are too. Did I tell you Jake Caplin is the luckiest son of a bitch I’ve ever met?”
“What am I now? Your soundboard for smooth talking? If I am, I’m giving you two big thumbs up on that one.”
Chuckling, Lowe threw his arm around my shoulders. “So f**king cute.”
I frowned. “You’re going to keep calling me that because you know I hate it, right?”
“Oh yeah.”
Despite growling at him in irritation, underneath the snarl I felt easier and more assured that Lowe was acting cool. We hadn’t talked much the last two days and I was worried that I might’ve wrecked our friendship. There was no need to worry. With Lowe, what you saw, you got, and he meant it when he said he was rooting for me.
Claudia, Denver, Rowena, and I said goodbye to the guys on the Cowgate, my eyes darting up to their building before I hurried to follow my friends back to ours. I did not expect to be greeted by a wide-eyed Maggie as Claud and I strolled into the kitchen.
“Well, is it true?” Maggie asked, excitedly shoving the papers in front of her to the side. “Did Jake Caplin break up with Melissa Bouchard for you?”
I blinked rapidly, feeling the color leave my cheeks. How had news traveled that quickly?
“Oh my God, he did?” If it was possible her eyes widened even more. “Gemma is not going to be happy. You know she and Melissa are friends, right?”
Actually, I didn’t know that. Fabulous. Now I’d have to live with Gemma giving me dirty looks for the next four months. Blowing the breath out between my lips, I made a sad face at Claudia. “I need a drink.”
Claudia tried not to laugh at my uncharacteristic pout and failed. “I think we have vodka somewhere.”
“That’ll do it.”
The buzz from my two shots of vodka had worn off, which was probably why I was a nervous wreck by the time nine o’clock came along. It turned out that everyone was meeting at Milk because the guys were doing a set.
I followed Claudia past the bar toward the archway at the end of the room and shook out my hands, trying to fight off the churning in my stomach. I was not a nervous person by nature and I really hated it that Jake could get me into such a state.
However, as soon as our eyes met across the room, the nerves transformed into excited butterflies and Claudia smiled at me. We made our way through the cluttered room, dodging chairs and rounding tables, and the whole time my eyes never left Jake’s. He stood when he saw us, and Denver, the only member of The Stolen not onstage setting up, followed his gaze at the same time Rowena did.
Everything and everyone but Jake disappeared as he moved around the table and came to a stop inches before me. I leaned back and gave him my best cocky smile. “So you’re the mysterious guy I’m supposed to be meeting,” I said, in reminiscence of the first thing he’d ever said to me.
Recognizing it, Jake’s eyes glittered. “The mysterious newbie. Jake,” he offered me his hand, his expression teasing.
I took it, feeling a sense of peace slide through me as we clasped hands. “Charley.”
“I know. You’re famous. Supergirl.”
I laughed, forcing myself not to lean into him for a kiss. We were taking things slow, after all, and keeping our relationship a quieter affair in public for Melissa’s sake. Looking deep into Jake’s eyes, I knew he was feeling the pull too and he gave me a regretful little smile before nodding his head toward the table. “Sit. I’ll get you a drink.”
“Beer.” I smiled back at him and headed around the table to sit in the empty seat beside the one he’d just vacated.
While Jake was at the bar, Denver joined the band just as the manager of Milk hopped up onto the stage and scratched his thick beard with an amused curl to his lip. “If ye don’t know who these guys are by now, then ye’re definitely no regulars. There has been a fair amount of women visiting Milk these last few months, which I think has more tae dae wi’ the effect these guys have on their knickers than ma inexhaustible charm.”