Contemplating for a few minutes what I could do to her this weekend I only pack some rope and a few toys as a rather devious idea starts forming in my mind.
A short while later we're both sitting in the car, excited and grinning as we leave the city for the countryside. After she's done fucking with the radio stations again Bella leans back and regards me levelly.
"Still weird. I would have thought that when I tell you I want you to go mean on my cute little ass more often you'd lock us in at home, not take a vacation from all that."
I don't even have to work on turning my grin into a lopsided, evil smile.
"Who says I'm planning to leave your ass alone the next few days?"
She takes that in with her lips pursed, but then starts laughing.
"Let me guess, it was unnecessary wishful thinking when I packed that new lingerie I got last week?"
"I wouldn't say that," I muse. "But you better keep everything you want to wear ever again in your bags, because I can't guarantee that the rest will be in any state resembling proper clothes when I'm done with you."
Bella only bites her lip again but doesn't reply, and the glazed over look on her face tells me that she definitely approves.
I think a few days away from home and the established routines will do us a lot of good.
Chapter 20
Sometimes all you need is talk, and all problems will miraculously resolve themselves.
I've never fully believed in this, but now I think I'm converted. The farther we get from home, the freer I feel, as if an invisible weight has been lifted off my chest, and judging from the carefree way Bella is talking and laughing next to me, I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking like that. Part of me is still a little sore about her not wanting to marry me, but I've really meant it when I've told her I don't need to seal our love for each other with any kind of contract.
Obviously it's not the fact that we won't tie that knot after all that has us both exuberant, but that for the first time in ages I at least feel unencumbered. Like everything is resolved, all issues are dealt with, and we get a chance at a fresh start. I even have to admit that in a twisted kind of way it's a relief to see that Bella is also struggling with the shit Jazz has been spreading. I really don't want her to hurt, and I wish that I'd have the words to wipe all her concerns away, but it also shows that she finally realizes the situation I've been in ever since that day. Why her forgiveness alone didn't just make everything okay. And just like she has helped me drag myself out of the emotional hole I've dug myself in deep, I intend to lend her a hand to get out of her own.
We arrive at the resort a while after nightfall, and Bella snickers when the nice elder lady at the reception apologizes to us that they've had to give us the most remote cabin they have. A short while later we're all settled in, ready to fall right into bed and chase the last ghosts of anxiety from our earlier talk away – but Bella has other plans.
"Did you see the hot tub out back?"
I haven't, actually, but she's not even waiting for my answer. By the time I've managed to locate it in the absolute dark between the cozy little cabin and the forest Bella is already naked, and up for some skinny-dipping mischief. Only carrying two candles to make up for the lack of illumination she 'forgets' to turn on for obvious reasons she's out of the room over the patio door before I know what's happening, her disappearance followed by splashing sounds and her delightful laughter teasing me.
"Hurry up, this is amazing!"
Never one to hesitate to shed my clothes I follow her example and join her after a quick dash over the dark, dew wet lawn. Even though summer isn't gone that long yet the night air is uncomfortably cool, making the warm water even more enticing as I ease myself into the dark hot tub.
Before I know what hits me Bella's body is pressed against mine, causing me to lose my footing, but I can't complain as her eager mouth on mine cuts any sound that might have left me short. The tub isn't really large so there's not that much room where I could sit down anyway, and before long I have her straddling my lap with her arms tightly around my neck, both of us submerged below the shoulders. Her fervent kisses soon turn deeper and more sensual, and I relax against her, simply enjoying myself.
Eventually she pulls back and settles more comfortably against me, her head on my shoulder while her arms dip under water to embrace my torso instead, probably because her skin has cooled off too much. For a long while we just stay like that, our bodies still as close as we can get, enjoying the warmth and quiet together.
My mind starts to wander and eventually returns to the last part of our conversation, and Bella shifts her hips suggestively against my hardening cock once she feels it press into her stomach.
"What are you thinking about?"
Her voice is laced with suggestion, making me laugh.
"What devious things I can do to you now."
"Now as in right now, or now as in once we get out of the water?"
I turn my head until I can look at her face, and even the darkness cannot hide the lewd grin she's directing at me.
"Now that you've given me free rein over you."
"Hmm, I definitely like the sound of that."
"Just be careful what you wish for, babe."
She snickers at the term, then pushes away from me a little so that her body is mostly afloat before she crosses her arms over my chest, pillowing her chin there so that her face is right before mine.
"With you? Never."
"Ah, you wait," I grunt, then lean back further so I can stretch out more comfortably. Having her body so close is tempting, but my mind won't shut up now that it has found something to mull over.
"Any expectations you have that you want to share with me?"
She shrugs, then takes a while to think.
"Well, not exactly. It's not that I don't have any ideas rattling around up there, but with all the things I really needed to tell you I kind of didn't have the time to let them grow into more than fleeting wank fantasies."
"And there I was under the impression that you weren't allowed to masturbate," I observe dryly.
Bella laughs, then stretches to plant a single kiss onto my nose.
"And I don't. But that doesn't mean that I never lose myself in a helluva deprived daydream, or spend the last minutes before I fall asleep thinking of what you might do to me if you didn't feel like you'd have to hold back all the time."
"I won't if you don't want me to anymore."
Her breath hitches at that, and the gaze in her eyes is filled with lust and anticipation both, but also a hint of dread, as I'm happy to realize.
"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a somewhat measured approach to all things a little more out there. But I think we've both grown so much over the last months, and grown together, I feel like we can shed the kid gloves. If we haven't already. And you know that I will step on the brakes if I feel like it's getting too much too fast."
"I know."
Bella gifts me a smile at that, before she lets her eyes drift close.
"I'm just wondering what you packed for our trip here."
"Not much," I admit, making her snort.
"Yeah, like you need all that much anyway."
"Probably. We'll see about that tomorrow."
Silence falls again, only interrupted by the soft splashing sounds of the water as she shifts again. More ideas start forming in my mind, and I decide that now is probably a good time to discuss them with her.
"You said you want to step things up a little bit. Did you mean like me adding a few more rules for you, like the masturbating rule you already follow so diligently?"
She shrugs, then nods.
"Yeah, sure."
I have to admit, the idea of taking more of her personal freedom away is daunting, both in a good and bad way. I've always been more comfortable with upping the physical aspects of my relationships with my subs rather than the mental ones, but then again I've spent most of that time helplessly in love with a woman I thought was out of my reach, which culled most of my desire to be emotionally closer to my subs than necessary. With Bella a pleasant constant in my life I guess I can break that habit, too. And it's not like she won't laugh in my face if I come up with something too ridiculous.
My continuing silence is soon starting to make her restless, a fact I feel very amused about. It's as if now that the option is out in the open, she can't wait for me to complicate her life.
"You know why I'm a little hesitant about this, right?"
For a moment she is confused, but then her brow furrows in understanding.
"Tanya?"
I nod, pressing my lips together, but like I've been inwardly hoping, she latches on to that.
"You never really talk about her."
"Because there's not that much to tell. I mean she was a psychotic, abusive bitch. If anyone asks me who my first dominant has been the answer will always be Beth."
"Of course. But I don't see how anything she did would make you tuck in your tail and run from a chance to explore something new together."
A few things actually come to mind that I could say now that might change her mind about that, but in the end she's right.
"Beth only had one single rule for me, which was no wanking while I was her sub. It was easy not to break that rule, and whatever else she demanded of me in the playroom, it always made me feel wholly myself. I never want you to feel so caged in your own mind as I did with Tanya."
Bella is silent for a few seconds, then she shrugs.