I was free to float away—to leave my body and slip into the darkness of anonymity.
“Do everything I say and you’ll get through this.” His lips skated over my jaw. His touch was so different to Jethro’s—dominating and soft—but lacking sparkle, connection…love.
I arched my chin away from his mouth. “You’re asking me to obey you while you rape me?” A morbid laugh escaped.
Kes’s breath whispered over my exposed breasts. “Yes. It’s the only way.”
“Only way for what?”
My heartbeat boomed in my ears as he took my hand, guiding me from the pool of woollen trousers around the edge of the bed.
“Only way to make this work.”
I scowled behind my blindfold. Make what work?
The debts?
His twisted fantasy?
I hated moving around naked. I hated him seeing me.
My skin pinpricked with nervous sweat; I was lightheaded with panic. And that was just with Kestrel. He didn’t scare me nearly as much as Daniel or Cut.
If I couldn’t survive this, how would I survive the other two?
Another moan echoed in my chest. This couldn’t happen. It was the worst nightmare imaginable. Three men. Three rapes.
And Jethro. Where the hell was he? Why wasn’t he here to oversee what his family would do? What would he claim once everything had been taken from me?
My heart?
He lost that the moment he made me consent to this god-awful condemnation.
Kes kissed my cheek, pushing me so I fell onto the bed. The mattress sprung beneath me, cushioned and fresh. I winced as I bounced against my tied wrists.
“I’m going to place you in the centre.” His strong arms caught me, manhandling me until I was where he wanted. His every touch caused my skin to crawl. My stomach rolled as I kept my legs pinned together.
I lay in the middle of the mattress like a corpse riddled with rigor mortis.
Kissing my shoulder, Kes climbed beside me. The heat of his naked thigh brushed mine; something heavy and hard nudged my hip.
Oh, God!
“I’m going to place you on your stomach.” His voice was soothing; his words were definitely not.
I bucked as he tried to flip me over. “No! I can’t—not that!”
He stroked my side, his fingers way too close to my breast. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Just roll over for me.” He pressed me harder.
“No!”
He wants to steal your anal virginity.
Horror possessed me. I kicked and wriggled. I was no longer an atrophied skeleton but a furious unwilling victim. My hands remained tethered behind my back, but it didn’t stop me from doing my damnedest to hurt him. “Don’t! Don’t touch me!”
“Shush.” He placed a harsh kiss on my shoulder blade. “Obey me. Do what I say, Nila. I’ll make it feel good, I promise.”
“I’ll never obey you. Never!” I fumbled with the sheets, wishing I could see. I wanted to bite him, knee him in the balls.
“Goddammit.” Grabbing my hip, he flipped me over with a burst of power.
I cried out as he jerked the pillow away from my mouth, pressing my cheek against the mattress. My breasts flattened and tears spurted from my eyes. “How can you do this to me?” My mind filled with his kindness teaching me how to tend to Moth. How could he be two totally different people?
“No more questions. Alright?” His voice was short with frustration. “Just—for once—let a man fucking control you.”
That was the last straw.
“What did you just say?” I arched off the bed. “Let a man control me?” Hysteria took hold. “I’ve been controlled all my life by every man I’ve ever met! How dare you say that? How dare you!” I couldn’t stop tears cascading down my face, drenching the bed below.
Kes grunted as I squirmed harder.
I couldn’t move beneath his weight. His heat warmed me like an unwanted sun. I hated him.
Fisting my hair, he pressed my face into the bed. “Listen to me and pay attention. Behave. Don’t fight me. Don’t make Cut believe I can’t control you or it’ll encourage him to fucking participate. Don’t make this worse for yourself.” Letting me breathe, he hissed, “Don’t believe in the evil of everyone you meet. You'd be surprised just how wrong you’d be.”
I froze.
Silence reigned while we both breathed hard.
Slowly, his grip on my hair loosened. “Now…will you be more reasonable?”
I laughed coldly, sucking in cotton from the sheets. “Reasonable? You’re asking the trussed-up girl if she’ll be more reasonable? You’re as insane as your damn brother.”
Turned out madness ran in the entire family tree. They all had to die.
“I’ll let that slide.” His fingers dug into my side. “But I need you to listen to me. Okay?”
Every instinct boycotted the idea but what he said before echoed in my ears. Don’t believe in the evil of everyone.
Could the man who taught me to ride still save me? Could I trust him enough to wait and see? Did I have the strength to hope?
Do I have a choice?
Haltingly, I relaxed.
The instant he felt me give in, he let me go. “Good girl.”
I hated that phrase.
All I could do was take whatever he gave and hope I survived.
I have no other option.
This wasn’t a physical debt—although parts of it would hurt and no doubt destroy me for life—it was more mental. The stripping of everything that made me female—of any right over my own body.
Rustling sounded as Kestrel grabbed the bedding and placed it over me. The warm comfort of cotton covered my nakedness.
He’s drawn the covers.
Why?
Kes’s naked body moulded along my side, his hand resting on the swell of my arse. My skin smarted with revolting dislike. “I’ve covered us. No one will see what we do. It will be our little secret.”
I frowned. Secret? Why would it be a secret? He was doing what he’d been told. The bed dipped a bit as he wrapped his arm around my waist, rolling me from my stomach to side.
I flinched as his warmth nestled behind mine in a loving embrace. His hand stayed on my belly. I was achingly aware of how close his fingers were to my pubic bone.
Questions formed: What will you do to me? How long am I yours before you hand me over? But I couldn’t voice them. I couldn’t ask, because I couldn’t stomach the replies.
Kes kissed my cheek, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “You’re so beautiful, Nila. So goddamn beautiful.” Dragging his fingers along my collar and down my spine, he whispered, “I’ve wanted you since the moment you arrived. I’d never wished to be firstborn before. I’m happy with my allotment within this family, but seeing you that night and knowing Jethro had full rights to you—well, it was the first time I was jealous of my brother.”
I gasped as his touch landed on my arse again. Every muscle clenched. My eyes squeezed and I panted faster, terrified of him invading my body—especially in a place I’d never been touched before.
“Just because you have me now, doesn’t mean this is right.” I kept my eyes closed behind my blindfold—a double layer of blackness.
“I know.” His fingers suddenly latched around my jaw, angling my neck.
His lips landed on mine.
All sensation ceased to exist.
The switch inside me flipped. I shut down completely. I didn’t feel the heat of his lips or taste the flavour of his mouth.
Everything was chalk and beige and nothingness.
His lips coaxed mine, but I clamped them closed—remaining forbidding and not softening in any way.
Pulling back, he ran gentle fingertips over my chin. “I’m not going to make this worse for you by dragging it on.” Kes shifted his weight, rolling me closer. Gathering me against his naked form, I tried to ignore the heat of his erection against the crack of my arse.
“Kes, please…” I begged as his hand disappeared down my front and found my clit. His fingers didn’t venture lower—just stayed on the outside of my pussy. I flinched but had nowhere to run.
His hips rocked, pressing himself into me. “My father expects me to hurt you. That sex isn’t sex unless you’re screaming and bruised.” He imprisoned my face again, sealing his lips over mine.
I tried to angle away, but his mouth locked against me with swift finality.
He didn’t force me to kiss him back, just kept his mouth on mine and his fingers rubbing my clit. His hips rocked harder and a moan swelled despite my horror.
Tearing himself from my mouth, he nibbled on my earlobe. “I’m supposed to rape you, Nila. Take from you what you don’t want to give and break apart your mind piece by piece.”
My unwilling moan turned into a sob. “You don’t have to. You could just let me go.”
He chuckled. “No, I can’t. That’s the thing. No one can leave. Not you, Jet, myself. We’re all locked in this game until the very end.” He trailed kisses along my cheek. “There can be no victors if there are no players.”