“I’m no good for you, Emma.” She looked at me, holding my gaze briefly. I hoped she could see the regret in my eyes.
“Yeah, I get it. You don’t want me.” She was on the verge of tears. Her words hurt. It was like being slapped in the face. Something I deserved.
“I don’t want you?” I couldn’t help but laugh, darkly. “Emma, I just had you.” She had no idea how badly I wanted her. More from her than I would ever allow myself to take. “Is that what you wanted for your first time? Some person tying you up? Fucking you and humiliating you?” I was disgusted with myself.
“That’s obviously not what I pictured but I… enjoyed myself.” She replied shyly. Her words travelled through me, stirring something primal inside of me.
“I know you did.” She bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. What the f**k am I doing?
“It’s not like we couldn’t try it again.” Her face flushed red. I swallowed hard. I couldn’t let her make this mistake again. I shook my head. She grabbed for the door, ready to run.
“Emma!” my voice came out panicked, I grabbed her arm, desperate to keep her from leaving. “I didn’t mean I don’t want to do it again, I just can’t give you what you want. I can’t give you what you deserve. What happened back there is all I know. There will never be anything more than that with me. I do not get close to people. I don’t care for people.” I lied. I was a f**king liar and a coward.
“Then why are you here? Why not just let me walk home?” She could see right through me.
“I don’t know.” I replied, letting her arm slip from my fingers. I knew what she wanted to hear. A f**king coward.
“Good night, Mr. Honor.” She slipped out into the darkness.
“William” I called after her, wanting to show her she was right about me, that deep down somewhere she had broken through. There was something different about her. Something special.
“What?” She asked, turning back towards me.
“My name is William. Please get back in the car. It’s not safe out here for you.” I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. She stood there, deciding which fate would be worse. “Please” My pulse quickened as she took a step closer to the car.
We rode silently through the city as I took her to her aunt’s house. I relished in the last few minutes of smelling the flower scent that lingered around her. Her house was empty and dark, but Emma didn’t seemed phased by it. I’m guessing she was left to her own accord more often than not.
“Thanks” She whispered as she exited. I couldn’t look at her. I probably would be the cause of years of therapy for her.
I pulled back onto the road, turning the radio up to drown out my own conscience.
“I really miss you hair in my face, and the way your innocence tastes”
I lumped formed in my throat and I switched off the radio and rode home in silence. I couldn’t give her anything but heartache.
Chapter Fourteen
I awoke on the couch, reaching out for someone who wasn’t there. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in my bed alone. I ran my fingers through my hair and stumbled into the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee. I looked around for my phone and realized I had left it in my car last night. As I opened the door, a tiny scrap of paper fluttered to the ground. I picked it up and flipped it over in my fingers. I read it over. As the words sank in, I let it flutter to the ground. I sprinted to my car and immediately began calling Emma. Her phone rang endlessly. I ran back up the steps, grabbing the note as I pulled on clothing. I needed to make sure she was okay. If anything happened to her because of me, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I made it across town in record time. Emma’s driveway sat empty. I called to be sure but she didn’t answer. I banged on the door, hoping that she was okay. The door flew open and there she stood, looking slightly shocked and absolutely delicious. She was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt. I had to take a moment to regain my composure.
“William?” My name sounded sweet across her lips.
“Are you okay?” I searched her face for any sign of distress.
“I’m fine.” She said as she walked into the kitchen. I reluctantly stepped inside, not wanting anyone to see me. “What’s wrong?” She asked as she prepared her breakfast.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls?” I was growing frustrated with her calm demeanor. Was she ignoring me on purpose?
“I was going to as soon as I ate something.” She held the spatula up to show me she was in fact busy. “Why are you here? If my Aunt was home she would call the police!” I watched her pull out an extra plate, so I knew I was right that no one else was home. Her shirt lifted as she reached in the cupboard, revealing her small cotton panties. I felt myself grow hard. I cleared my throat.
“I parked down the street. Has anyone come by here? Anyone who seemed strange?” She didn’t seem to take my urgency seriously.
“Only you” She joked. I rolled my eyes at her and took the extra plate of food from her hand. “Why? Is someone looking for me?” She asked. I tried not to look too worried. I ran my hands through my hair and let out a deep sigh.
“I can’t stop thinking of you.” Her eyes met mine and I could think of nothing else. She flushed red and looked away. “Look at me.” She had no idea how absolutely beautiful she was. When her eyes met mine I couldn’t keep myself from touching her. I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. She didn’t recoil. She bit her lip and it was my undoing. I found her lips with mine. My fingers laced throughout her hair.
“We can’t” She moaned as I kissed a trail down the hollow of her throat. I turned her around, bending her body over the table. The cotton panties peeking out from under her shirt.
“You better show me your room before I f**k you right here.” I traced the line of her underwear with my fingertip.
“Okay” She panted.
“Good girl” I whispered into her ear before pulling back and allowing her to stand. I followed her down the narrow hallway, anxious to touch her again. I was drunk off her beauty. I could no longer resist the pull she had on me.
As we reached the doorway, I could no longer hold back. I lifted her and carried her inside, kicking the door closed behind us. She wrapped her arms around me and for once, I didn’t recoil at the touch. I laid her down on her bed and began to undress. She watched me with large doe eyes, biting her lip as she waited for me to touch her again. I took in the length of her legs as I undid my belt. She was perfection.
“You have no idea the things I want to do to you.” The words burned as they left my lips. She really had no idea the things that ran through my mind. I struggled internally not to become that person with her, but there is nothing I want more. She reached for me, letting her fingers glide down my stomach. Clearly she knew she was breaking one of my rules. I captured her wrists in my hand and forced her back onto the bed, coming to rest on top of her. “I like it when you fight.” My words coming out in a growl. She bucked her hips against me. I gripped her tighter, forcing her hands above her head. Submissive perfection. I quickly secured the belt around her wrists and took a moment to admire her. “That’s better” I smiled at her as an amused grin played across her face. I ran my fingertips down the length of her body. When I reached her hips I gripped them tightly and pulled her towards the edge of the bed. She gasped at the sudden movement. I only wish I could have seen her expression when I flipped her over onto her stomach. Her body folded at the hip as her legs hung over the edge of the bed. I quickly lowered my pants and took my time slowly peeling her panties off her backside, letting them fall to the floor around her knees.
I brought my hand down across her backside. She gripped the blankets in her fists and whimpered. I stuck again, this time entering her before she could catch her breath. She moaned. I didn’t stop her. I snaked my hand up to her mouth and let her cries be muffled by my fingers. I thrust into her rapidly, without compassion. Her body went stiff beneath me. I made sure she heard how pleased I was by her. Her tongue ran across the length of my fingers. I bit gently on her earlobe as my fingers slipped into her mouth and she sucked them gently. I moved in rhythm with her mouth, pushing her farther as my other hand gripped her hair. I felt her begin to tighten around me and I was dangerously close to coming.
“Emma!” A voice called out from the other end of the house. I clamped my hand tightly over her mouth as her body shook below me. I slid painfully slow inside of her and held still, listening.
“Shhh..” I breathed in her ear as her body finally stilled beneath me. “We will finish this later. You really need to get your own place.” I quickly undid her hands and began to get dressed. She lay motionless before me. I pulled her panties back up her thighs, followed by kisses.
“Go see what she wants before she comes back here.” She reluctantly got off the bed. Her eyes fixed on my chest. “We will finish this later.” I promised her as I watched her turn and leave. I pulled on my shirt and walked over to her bedroom window. It was already unlocked. I’d have to remember that. I glanced at a picture of her that looked to be a year or two old. She was smiling and sitting in the sun, her long dark hair hung perfectly around her face. I slipped it into my pocket before I climbed outside and made my way down the road to my car.
I sat with my hands on the steering wheel, clenching it tightly, trying to convince myself to leave. My phone vibrated in my pocket.
This is a bad idea.
My heart sank in my chest as I read the words. I was too far gone to be denied her any longer.
It is too late for that. Are you alone?
I hoped she wouldn’t turn me away. I could still feel her against my skin. I couldn’t imagine not feeling that again.
I am in my car
She didn’t say no. I needed to see her.
Where are you?
The grocery store near my house.
I will be right there.
I couldn’t drive fast enough to be closer to her. My obsession with her was making me sick. There was no way around it now, she was going to get hurt and it would be by my hands. If I had any feelings at all I would have drove the other way.
I pulled into the grocery store parking lot and searched for her car. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.
Chapter Fifteen
As soon as I saw her, I could not take my eyes off her. She stared at me expectantly. I knew the damage was already done. I didn’t deserve her.
“Are you okay?” I asked, walking slowly, hoping she didn’t turn me away.
“I’m fine” I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding and took her face in my hands. I kissed her softly on the forehead. I could tell something was bothering her, but I was fairly certain it was not me.
“I’ll get your things. Wait in my car.” I clenched my jaw as I thought of what must have transpired between Emma and her aunt. I grabbed her purse and headed back to my car, willing myself not to care. I knew she was having doubts about us now. Her texts messages replayed in my mind.
“Find everything?” She asked as I slid her purse into the back seat. I nodded, not wanting her to see the anger that boiled under the surface. It made me sick that anyone would hurt her. I tucked her hair behind her ear. The irony of my thoughts was not lost on me. I hoped one day she would confide in me. I wanted to know why she was so self-destructive. I had always been pretty reckless with my own life, but I couldn’t bear to see her destroy hers. Perhaps that is all I was to her, a way to destroy herself.
We rode in silence. She stared out the window at all the people in the streets. Emma’s face looked sad and like she was a million miles away. I placed my hand on her leg to comfort her. I could have said something to make her feel better, but words failed me. I was too lost in wondering why it bothered me so badly. I don’t like to see any woman hurting. Not outside of the bedroom at least. This was different and it f**king scared me. I was struggling to convince myself that the attraction I had was purely physically, but watching her sad and withdrawn had stirred up emotions in me that I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.
My mind quickly moved to the note. If someone wanted to hurt me, I was sure I had given them ample reason. If they wanted to hurt Emma… I let the thought fade away.
When we made it to my home the air hung thick with her sadness. I placed my hand on the small of her back as I guided her up the dark stairwell. She didn’t speak and I didn’t push her. I had no right to ask her what was going on. I excuse myself to my room to grab something for her to wear. I needed a moment to think. I raked my hands through my hair trying to figure out what I could do to help her take her mind off what she must be feeling. I could take away her pain. I could make her forget. But who was going to take my pain away? I left my room with a new resolve. I wanted her to feel anything but how she felt at this moment. I wanted her to know I was hurting too. Her slight rejection earlier still stung.
I left my room and made my way towards her.
“I want to show you something.” She did not respond. Her eyes searched the cavernous room. “Come on” I coaxed her. Her eyes fell back to me, but not really looking at me. I walked slowly to the other side of the living room. The soft sound of her feet padding behind me on the wood floor was the only sound I could hear over my heartbeat that thudded in my ears.
We reached the elevator doors and I took a deep breath before opening it. If she ran from me now it would be my undoing. I stepped inside. She hesitated for a brief moment then joined me. We rode silently, side by side to the floor above.
The doors opened to the large dark room. I wrapped my arms around her waist and guided her forward, begging her silently not to run. I felt her body tense under my fingertips. I wanted to make her feel at ease. I wanted her to submit herself to me fully so she could forget about the sadness and just feel taken care of.