“It’s not you. I’m sorry” I whispered back in her ear. Emma had already resumed her dance. I pushed the blonde away from me slightly so I could slide out from behind her. She stormed off, rejected. I knew exactly how she felt. I made my way outside, letting the cool night air pull me away from the thudding beat of the music and the equally fast beat of my heart. I stumbled to my car, looking for refuge. I couldn’t leave her here, not knowing how she will get home and if she will be safe. If she will be alone.
I sat for a few minutes doing a little searching on my phone to find out more about Jeff while I waited. It only took a minute to locate him as a newly added friend on one of Emma’s social network pages. I read over his information, looked through his pictures. It is amazing how much personal information people willingly give out, without a second thought. I thought of how easy it would be for whoever threatened me to find out the same from Emma. Within minutes, you could find out where someone lived, where they liked to hang out and who with. A flood of light came from the front of the building, catching my attention. Emma stepped out of it like an angel exiting the gates of heaven. She was looking at her phone, oblivious to my presence. I waited, hoping no one would follow her out. No one did. The doors closed slowly behind her as she made her way out to the street and began walking towards her home, with no concern for the dangers that lurked in the darkness.
I felt the anger rise inside of me again. I pulled out behind her. She didn’t look at me as I pulled up beside her and it ripped me apart inside.
“Get the f**k in the car.” I didn’t care how it sounded. All I cared about was her safety. She stopped but still didn’t look my way. “Don’t make me repeat myself.” I warned, hoping she knew just how serious I was. She bit down on her lip and got in, not looking my way. I drove off into the night, wanting to put as much distance between us and the club as possible. She was killing me inside and she was oblivious to it, or she just didn’t care. The thought made my anger magnify. We drove in silence. The only sound was the clicking of her seatbelt as we sped down the dark road.
I pulled inside the garage bay of my building, not waiting for the door to close completely behind us before getting out and slamming the door hard. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t guarantee her safety with myself. I ran my hands through my hair and made my way up to the next floor, not waiting for her.
I waited at the top of the stairs as I counted every step she took, closing the gap of space between us. She looked down at the ground as she walked by and made her way inside. How fitting it was to watch her only moments before walking out of the light, and now she followed me into the darkness.
Chapter Twenty
I walked inside, locking the door behind me. I didn’t say a word, didn’t look her way. I walked to the far side of the room to the elevator and waited for the doors to open. I wanted to take her for granted. I listened, counting the steps she took across the hardwood floor before taking her place by my side.
The ride to the next level was excruciatingly long. She didn’t look my way, didn’t make any attempt to touch me. As the doors opened again I stepped out onto the dark floor.
“Come here” I said, looking back at her. She hesitated but stepped forward.
“What are you thinking?” She asked. She wanted to sound confident but her voice betrayed her, wavering under her words. I smiled as I thought of how many answers there were to that question.
“I was thinking… I don’t know if I can trust myself with you right now.” I glanced at her, gauging her reaction. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she fled. If she knew anything about me, she knew I was to be taken seriously. I wanted to hurt her. I always wanted to hurt her for the way she made me feel. I didn’t want to feel at all. I didn’t want to be hurt again, but here I was hurting. More than anything, I didn’t want her to have to feel any of that pain. It was torture and after her display tonight I couldn’t help but think she enjoyed inflicting me with it. She was biting her lip and staring at me. Not running, not looking at me with disgust. I reached over and used my thumb to free her lip from teeth.
“I trust you.” Her words came out stronger and her voice was steady. I knew she meant it. The thought made me sick. I was leading the wounded doe eyed deer to slaughter and she willingly came.
“You wouldn’t say that if you had any idea what I thought about doing to you tonight.” I was being brutally honest with her. She stepped towards me and every muscle in my body stiffened. She had no sense of self-preservation. I had no will power to stay away from her.
“Punish me” Her voice barely above a whisper. My eyes shot to hers as I searched them. “Punish me” She repeated. She slowly reached towards me, her fingertips slowly trailing down my chest and over my stomach. I glanced down at her fingers and back to her.
“Do you remember the safe word?” I asked, wanting her to understand what kind of events I had planned for her. She swallowed hard.
“Flower” She whispered. I grabbed her wrists tightly, not able to stay away any longer. I pulled her across the room. My eyes scanned the room, trying to decide exactly how I wanted to punish her. I came to a stop in front of one of my favorites. It had a large incline on one side and two smaller on the other.
“Bend over” I couldn’t look her in the eye. Not with the thoughts I had running through my head. She stared at me helplessly, unsure of what she should do. I spun her around and pushed her down over the device, her body folding over the top of it. I sunk to my knees and secured her ankles in the leather straps on each incline. I wasn’t wasting my time making it sensual. I came around to the other side of her and pulled her arms towards the floor, securing them as well. She looked up at me helplessly, but I didn’t meet her gaze.
“William, I’m sorry” She was on the verge of tears. That only made me angrier.
“Not nearly as sorry as you are going to be.” I moved back behind her, not wanting her eyes on me any longer. She could see past my walls I had built up. It scared me. I pulled me belt from my pants and wasted no time making her feel the pain I had all night. I came down across her back side and she pulled against the restraints. I waited but no safe word came. I stuck again. She didn’t scream, barely letting a whimper escape. I stuck again, not bothering to soothe her or comfort her. Again. Again. My adrenaline was coursing through my body and I was on a different plane of existence. Again. Again.
“Stop” She cried out. I struck again. Again. “Please” She cried out, louder this time. She did not safe word and I did not slow.
“Do you have any idea what I wanted to do to you at that club? Any idea what I wanted to do to that guy who had his hands all over you?” I struck again, carefully hitting a different spot than the last.
“I’m sorry” Her words where choked. “Please” I could hear the crying in her words. I let the belt slip between my fingers, it banged loudly on the hard wood floor, echoing around us. I had hurt her. I quickly undid her leg restraints and made my way to the front of her to undo her wrists. Her head hung in defeat in front of me. I tipped her chin up, angling her face towards mine. I wiped her swollen tear stained cheeks with my finger and quickly lifted her in my arms. I carried her to the elevator, wanting to get her as far away from this place as possible. She buried her face in my neck and began to sob quietly.
“Why didn’t you use the safe word?” I asked as her eyes met mine. I felt my gut wrench at the sight of her in so much pain.
“I didn’t want to upset you.” She nuzzled back against me. I was sickened by her confession. Until this moment I thought she didn’t care. How could she care? Now she was putting herself in danger to please me. Animal.
I carried her to my bathroom. I sat her down, making sure she was steady on her feet before running the water.
“What are you doing?” I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted her to wash away any lingering of me. I wanted to make her whole again. Pure.
“I thought a bath might make you feel better.” She looked at me dazed for a moment before stumbling forward and placing her hand on my chest. I didn’t pull away. I deserved any discomfort or pain she could inflict upon me.
“Please don’t go” Her voice was full of sadness. A lone tear slid down her pink cheek. I wiped it away, wishing it were that easy to get rid of all of her pain. She pushed forward, her mouth finding mine, hungrily. I couldn’t resist her. For a moment, I gave in. Her lips grew hungry and she slipped her tongue past mine. I pulled back, wishing I hadn’t ever acted on my feelings for her.
“Get washed up. You will feel better.” I turned off my emotions, not wanting to feel anything anymore. I left, closing the door behind me, hearing her muffled sobs in the back of my mind.
I had ruined her life in the short time I had known her. I lied to myself, telling myself I was helping her, protecting her. The only person she needed protected from was me. I couldn’t control myself when I was around her. My every waking thought was clouded and consumed by her.
I made my way into my bedroom. Sinking down on the edge of my bed I ran my hands through my hair. I needed to protect her from me. I needed to right all of the wrongs I have done. I grabbed my phone and called an old friend. One of the very few people I considered that.
“I need you to do me a favor.” I didn’t waste my time with pleasantries. If I was calling he knew it was serious.
“Jesus Christ, William. What did you get yourself into now?” Stephen asked, laughing to himself. Stephen and I were old college buddies. I helped him out of a few situations and he still owed me.
“I need you to do a little digging for me.” I explained the situation with the note and Emma and all of the shit I had gotten her into. He sighed and the line hung silent for a few minutes.
“I’ll see what I can find out about this Jeff and get back to you. William, are you sure…” His voice quieted and he didn’t have to finish his sentence for me to know exactly who he was talking about.
“I’m sure” I said, not wanting to even wanting to entertain the thought of her with someone else. The door let out a loud creak behind me. I spun around to see Emma, wearing nothing. “Call me back if you hear anything. I have to go.” I couldn’t help but stare at her. She was absolute perfection.
“Emma” I sighed, hoping she would turn and run from me. I walked slowly towards her, stopping a few steps away.
“Are you mad at me?” She asked and a sadistic laugh escaped me.
“How could I ever be mad at you?” I knew I should have made myself stop. I should have blown her off for her own good, but I was drawn to her. I stepped forward, kissing her lightly on the forehead. “I’m mad at myself.” I deserved the pain I was putting myself though. “Get dressed. I’ll take you home.” I forced myself to step back from her. I turned to my dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of my jeans for her to wear.
“But…you said it wasn’t safe for me there.” She took the clothing and held it over her body. I wasn’t strong enough to push her away.
“It’s not safe for you with me.” It hurt to say it but she needed to understand. She took a step towards me and I had to put up a hand to stop her. If she came any closer, I would lose myself. I wanted to have her in every way possible, to possess her. She didn’t move and I couldn’t help the disappointment that crept over me. I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated.
“You can have the bed, I’ll take the couch.” I walked out of the room, forcing myself to leave her there alone. I pushed the thought of slamming her against the wall and f**king her the way she wanted me to. My c**k throbbed at the idea. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. On the way back to the couch, I had to force myself not to go to her.
I lay awake for hours, thinking of her. Thinking of her naked body wrapped in my sheets. Thinking of my hands roaming over her soft skin. Then I thought about Jeff’s hands on her body at the club. Rage boiled inside of me.
I could hear her tossing and turning. I told myself I needed to make sure she was okay. I walked over to the door that sat ajar and peered inside. She tossed and turned, tangling herself in the sheets. Her face looked in pain but her body writhed like she was in the midst of passion. I grew hard. Her eyes flew open and locked onto mine as she bit down on her lip.
“It was just a nightmare.” She said, struggling to steady her breathing. If it was a nightmare, I knew it involved me. I walked out of the room without saying a word.
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I sent Stephen a quick text to see if he found anything out. I poured a drink while I waited, staring at my bedroom door. There was no sound I was certain she had drifted back off to sleep. My phone lit up.
Nothing serious. He did have a complaint filed against him last year.
Seems he got a little aggressive with a female but nothing ever came of it.
I swallowed hard trying to stop the bile that rose in my throat. I took another long drink and grabbed my keys. I did warn her that I would kill him if he touched her again.
As I made my way to the club I scanned the parking lot to see who was still around. I recognized Jeff’s car from his online pictures. Amazing how much information we give away online. I checked my watch. The club was less than an hour from closing. I parked a few spaces away and made my way over to his vehicle. I wanted to wait for him. I wanted to look him in the eye when I hurt him for touching her. I couldn’t risk it. If anyone knew about us, she would never be able to escape it. To escape me.
I tried the driver side door. Locked. I moved back, looking around to make sure no one was around. I was alone. I pulled the handle and the door swung open. I smiled at how easy he made it. I reached up and unlocked the front door, sliding inside. I popped the hood and walked to the front of the car. One last look around before reaching in and loosening the brake line.