My breath vanished as if he’d stolen every inch from my lungs. I took a step back as he kept moving forward. Was he asking me to go out with him? Was that what this was? Was he expecting me to agree to a relationship with dates and anniversaries and...holy God, potential marriage? Or did he just want a screw-buddy to roll around in the sand until we were found or finally succumbed to death?
It hurt that my heart leapt at the former option.
I wanted commitment and someone to call my own. But not here where he would become everything and more to me. We would smother each other. We would fear our existence worse and worse the more we had to lose.
“I can’t give you what you want.” I shook my head. “Besides, it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“What way?”
“Demands and ultimatums.”
“Yes, it does. Don’t you get it? I can’t keep hoping that one night you’ll slip into my bed and kiss me again. I can’t stop dreaming about your lips on mine or my fingers in your body. I want you, Estelle. No, I need you. And until I know where I stand, I can’t turn the hope off.”
He looked at me with such anger but also such a plea. He yelled but I held all the power because, unless I agreed, he couldn’t have what he wanted.
He was pissed off that he had to give me the choice. I was surprised he didn’t ignore my protests and claim me anyway.
I’d let him.
I shuddered at the truth. I’d not only let him—in a way, I wanted him to. He’d take the responsibility from me, and I’d have no choice but to fall and fall and hand over my life forever.
“I—I—”
Do it. Stop fighting. You like him. You want him every second of every day. What the hell are you waiting for?
Life was too short for nonsense. The fear of the children seeing us was inconsequential—they were old enough to understand. The terror that I’d give him my heart, only for him to die and leave me was unsustainable because that possibility existed in the biggest metropolis or on the tiniest island. And the idea that one day we’d be found, only to be broken-hearted if Galloway decided I was nothing more than a castaway fling wasn’t enough to refuse temporary happiness.
We could be together.
We could bring each other pleasure.
We could have so much more in each other’s arms than we did apart.
I took a step closer, my eyes locking onto his.
His back straightened, feeding off me as my decision formed stronger and stronger.
Yes, I wanted this.
Yes, I wanted him.
I wanted his kisses. His touch. His whispers. His caresses.
I wanted his body inside me. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms. I wanted to scream with pleasure as I came. And I wanted to bask in lust knowing I could do the same for him. “Galloway...”
He froze. “Yes or no, Estelle. If it’s yes, you’d better be ready to have me because I can’t stand another second.”
We deleted another metre between us.
Two more left.
Barely anything at all.
My tummy flipped in anticipation.
“I—I want you.”
His eyes snapped closed. “Thank hell for that.”
He took another step. A single metre barricaded us.
My skin came alive, begging for his touch.
He would be happy with me. I’d give him safe harbour to relax and stop judging himself. He would find value in his worth by the way I held him, thanked him, and looked into his eyes as he slipped inside me.
Our bodies would join.
He’d thrust into me.
And every time he orgasmed—
I slammed to a stop.
No.
No, no, no.
Galloway tensed. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop. You’d made up your mind. It was yes, Estelle. I saw it in your eyes. You were going to say yes.”
I backed up. The one metre returned to two. “We can’t.”
“Can’t?” He glowered. “Can’t or won’t?”
“We can’t.” I hung my head. “You’ve been honest with me, so I’ll be honest with you. I want you. You know that. The thought of giving you everything that I am terrifies me, but I’d happily trade my stories for yours. I want your hands on my skin, your tongue in my mouth, and your body—”
He groaned, “Then do it. You have me.” His hand stretched out, his fingers imploring me to take them. “Please...come here.”
Looking at the sand, my voice slipped into sadness. “But none of that matters. I dream about having you, but that’s all it can ever be. A dream.”
“What?” His face contorted with rage. “Why the hell can’t it be a reality if you want me as much as I want you?”
Raising my eyes, I couldn’t believe how much I missed the modern world. How much I would’ve given to have a pharmacy close by or a doctor for prescriptions. But he didn’t get it.
Orgasms meant combined pleasure.
Cum meant combined DNA.
Sex meant combined genetics.
I could get pregnant.
I might give birth on an island with no help.
I could die delivering, or worse, whatever infant we created could perish.
There were no safeguards. No fail safes. Eventually, no matter how careful we were...we’d slip and suffer the consequences.
I wanted children...eventually.
But not here. Not like this.
Not when we’re so unprepared.
Sex had gone from the most tantalizing promise to the most abhorrent curse.