Estelle’s gaze dropped to my soggy splint. “How was it swimming?”
“Useless. I think it’s time to come off.”
She pursed her lips. “You might be right.”
I stiffened. First thing I’d be right about, according to her.
I wanted it off. I could’ve done it myself many times over, but I didn’t because of some stupid reason.
A reason that would never come true.
I want her to do it.
I wanted her fingers on my thigh. I wanted to make her touch me because God knew she wouldn’t touch me otherwise. She hadn’t even changed the leaf-padding in the weeks it’d been on...deliberately withholding care from her patient. A patient who’d reached the end of his patience. A patient who wouldn’t be able to stop if she ever did touch him.
In two months, I hadn’t been touched. It wasn’t something that’d ever crossed my mind that I needed...but hell...I did.
The kids weren’t cuddly. Pippa got her needed affection from Estelle, and Conner was happy with a fist-bump rather than an embrace. And Estelle got her hugs from Pippa and the occasional one from Conner.
What did I get? Nothing.
Bloody nothing.
I’d never been a massive hugger—only hugging those I truly cared for. My dad earned his fair share, and my mother was smothered in them toward the end.
But apart from that, I kept my physical contact to a minimum—even when I’d had no choice with what happened after my mum’s death, I didn’t seek out any more than I had to.
But Estelle?
Living with her. Sleeping by her. Watching her. Being the best goddamn friend I could be to her.
It was killing me.
Every damn day, I died a little more. I craved a little harder. I dreamed a little deeper.
I’m pathetic.
I’d given my heart to this woman, against my wishes and common sense, and slid further down the slippery slope into love-lust. And she didn’t love-lust me back. Not the way I needed her to.
Hey, that was life. We crashed landed. Why did I ever think I would find a silver lining?
When I didn’t respond, she returned to massaging her lower back.
“Want me to get that for you?” I smirked, hiding everything I would never say.
She smiled softly. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
She didn’t even want a platonic massage from a friend.
Why do I even bother?
I moved away. “Conner.” My bark came out firmer than I’d intended. “Give me that damn animal and give Pippi a break. Let’s make dinner.”
Dinner.
Thank hell for something other than clams.
Pippa charged to my side and curled her arm around my hips. “Don’t let him touch me with that.”
Having her little body snug against mine hurt my blackened heart. Ducking to her level, I crushed her to me. I didn’t care if I came across as a psycho. I just wanted a hug.
She froze, not used to such embraces from me. Tentatively, she squeezed me back. Her lips smashed on my bearded cheek. “Love you, G.”
I ruffled her hair. “Love you, too.”
Estelle watched the entire thing.
Let her watch.
Standing, I didn’t give on that it hurt just as much when Pippa left as it had when she’d hugged me. I was in a weird headspace and needed some time to sort my mess out.
Grabbing the octopus from Conner, I hobbled to the fire and unsheathed the Swiss Army knife.
Estelle followed me. “How on earth did you catch that thing?”
“Teamwork.”
“Is it safe to eat?”
“Safe as any squid you’ve ever had.” I struggled to sit down. I couldn’t wait until I could bend and not have to put my leg straight out in front of me with the damn splint.
“We’re going to eat that?” Pippa’s eyes widened. “But it has tento—tenta—tenttoplicles.”
“They’re called tentacles and yes. It’s delicious.” I laughed as she scrunched up her face.
Conner poked the dead animal on my lap. “It’s going straight in my stomach. Don’t care what it tastes like. I’m starving.”
I grinned. “Proud of you, Co. We’ll have a feast tonight thanks to your hunting skills.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but I shushed him. The logistics didn’t matter. He’d worked hard, and this was his triumph, not mine.
Infectious anticipation spread through the camp, turning everyday drudgery into excitement. Everyone crowded around me as I used the knife to cut off the head. Next, I cut the eight tentacles into sections and handed them over to the children to take to the sea to wash.
It needed to be tenderised, but I couldn’t be assed. And I was sure there were many ways to cook such a delicacy, but all I could come up with was kebabs.
Once cleaned, I skewed the rubbery meat onto four sticks and passed them to my stranded family. “Dinner.”
Estelle smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank Conner.”
She redirected her smile. “Thanks, Co.”
He glanced at me before grinning. “No sweat.”
Instead of taking a place by the fire, Estelle’s eyes clouded, looking behind her at the undergrowth.
What’s her problem?
“You know what?” She passed her octopus stick to Pippa. “You cook for me. I’ll be back in a moment.”
“What? Why?” I stood awkwardly, brushing sand from my ass. “Where are you going?”