“No, Bobby. Not this,” Landon said, putting his hand over the lens. “I’ll give you whatever the hell you want later, but get this thing out of my fucking face.”
“Landon, it’s part of the experience,” Bobby argued, his safari hat ridiculously out of place.
“It’s my life right now.”
Bobby groaned. “You agreed, and we have every right—”
“And I’ve been pretty damn cooperative up until this moment, but that can stop.”
The two waged a silent war for a minute, then two. Finally Bobby glanced over at me before letting out a dramatic sigh. “You owe me,” he told Landon.
“Whatever you want,” Landon agreed.
Bobby retreated with the camera guy, leaving me with a visibly angry Landon. His frame was tense, his jaw locked, and his eyes narrowed on me. “I never cheated on you. Even the time between, when you were dating Wilder, I never cheated on you. Can you say the same?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I was awful. I dated him and loved you because I was too young and stupid to understand at the time that it was all going to crumble anyway. Our fate was sealed that first time you kissed me.” In the rain. He’d kissed me so thoroughly, our mouths so intertwined, sealed so tight that not even a single drop of water had slipped past our lips.
“Not the first time,” he whispered. “You weren’t his yet then. But he doesn’t know that, does he? I never told him.”
I shook my head. “No. It didn’t seem relevant at the time.”
“It was. Everything was.”
I stepped back, needing space. “It wasn’t. It didn’t matter that we’d met months before, that I had no clue you’d show up at Wilder’s, that you were the same Landon he talked about. It didn’t matter, because what we did was wrong, and we paid for it, right? We all did.”
“I loved you. The entire time we were together, there was no one else. I didn’t want anyone else—just the possibility of you was enough for me.” His voice was clear with the kind of truth I couldn’t bear to hear.
“Stop,” I begged, clutching my camera to my chest.
“I don’t want to.”
But I needed him to. Every time he said something like that—every time he reminded me of what we’d had and how very much I’d stupidly loved him—it shook my resolve, and that wasn’t something I could afford.
Fire heating my blood, I looked up at him, at the eyes that were more blue than hazel today against his collared, rolled-sleeve button-down. “What do you want from me?”
He swallowed. “I want you not to hate me. I want you not to think that I’m some heartless bastard who didn’t love you. I want—”
I couldn’t take another word. What did he understand of love? Love didn’t walk away without a word. It didn’t leave the person who shared its very space writhing in agony and confusion.
“Stop. Look around you. Look at that grave, that crypt. He spent twenty-one years building a place that he thought would be good enough to bury her. Twenty-one years, Landon. You couldn’t even make it two months with me before you ran back to Wilder.”
“Rachel—”
“No. Enough. Look at the towers. Do you see them?”
He sighed, the sound rushed and angry. “What about them?”
“He had them angled away from the mausoleum, just in case there was an earthquake. He made sure that there was no chance they’d fall into her resting place, that they’d hurt her. Even after her death, he protected her. That is love, or at least the kind of love I want. The kind that takes every precaution to protect the person your heart belongs to. The kind that’s an equal partnership, and devotion, and passion, and trust. Sure, I can do without the seventeenth-century polygamy, but the rest…that’s golden. That is love. Love isn’t abandoning the woman you say you love without a word.”
“God…” His eyes squeezed shut tight, and something shifted in me. I didn’t want to hurt him. We’d done enough of that to each other for two lifetimes. I just needed him to understand—needed him to stop inadvertently hurting me.
Reaching for him, I laid my hand against his warm, solid forearm. “I don’t hate you. Sure, I did once, but I grew up and moved on. If that’s all you’re looking for, you have it. I don’t hate you. What happened between us sucked, but I think we can agree that we were both at fault at different points.”
His eyes opened, pleading with me for something he wouldn’t name, and I was grateful for the silence.
“I think we can be friends, but you have to stop pushing me.”
“I can’t. After everything, you’re here, and I can’t stop pushing. Believe me, I’ve tried. I can’t stay away. I go for a walk and end up at your door. I grab lunch, and I find a Cherry Coke in my hand when you know I can’t stand that stuff.”
“Landon—”
“I am incapable of not pushing, because you’re here. The simple fact that you’re near throws every logical thought out the window.”
The slight plea in his voice slid through me, sent chills up my arms. He left you and didn’t bother to even come looking to explain. If I wasn’t here, he’d be chasing his next conquest, because that’s what he was doing now. I just happened to be the one he was pursuing for the moment.
Leah waved to me across the courtyard, and I took the coward’s way out. “Just pretend I’m not here. You were doing fine before I showed up.”