I sat on her lounge chair and fingered the hemline of my black shorts. I used to be scared to put my legs into the sun because the scarring would only stand out more with a tan, but now it simply was what it was—another part of me like the freckles on my nose or the color of my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “And I don’t know how to talk to you about it. You’re my best friend, but you’re his ex, and that’s really freaking weird. I can’t think about you two without wanting to vomit.”
She slid her sunglasses up into her black hair. “Leah, I love you like a sister. What Wilder and I had was so long ago, two and a half years, and if I had to rate that relationship in importance in my life, it’s probably somewhere around a four, and that’s only because it led me to Landon.” She winced, like even his name was painful. “Landon, I loved…and I thought he loved me, especially after he walked away from the Renegades for me. But that was the month of the X Games, and it was just too much, and when Wilder dropped the ultimatum, Landon chose them. I didn’t think I’d be able to breathe for the longest time. He was my ten, and then he was my zero. What is Wilder to you?”
“He’s an eleven,” I admitted. “He probably shouldn’t be. The guy isn’t exactly known for monogamy.”
“Has he looked at anyone since you’ve been together?”
“No. He’s always made me feel like I’m the only one he notices.” My eyes slid shut. “But I don’t know how much of that was real and how much was just keeping me happy to make sure I wouldn’t leave before you got here. When I think of everything he did, how deep the plan went to get you on board, and then I think that maybe to him, I’m only a cog in that plan…I can’t breathe.”
“I saw him with you, you’re not just a cog. Maybe you were at first, but the way he begged you? If you were just a part of his plan, he wouldn’t still be after you. Wilder never gets attached, he never begs, and he never apologizes—all of which he did for you. His plan worked. I’m here, and I’m going to stay.”
“You’re willing to stay? You’re sure?” My voice pitched in excitement. She’d offered already, but I had to be certain.
“Yeah. If you’re in, I’m in. Once upon a time I let Landon ruin me. I’m not letting him ruin this, too. If that means I have to duck him in the hallways, then fine.”
I hugged her, careless of her suntan oil seeping into my shirt. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Her arms closed around me. “Same here. I was kind of lost without you, and you were halfway across the world, getting lost.” She laughed.
“Yeah, but as crazy as this sounds, I feel kind of found, too. And I know it was Paxton, pushing me, accepting me, loving me. Rach, what am I going to do?”
“I can’t answer that. You’ve done pretty damn well on your own, and honestly, if I’d been here to start with, I would have done everything in my power to keep you away from Wilder, and look what a huge mistake that would have been. You know him in a way I never did, and you”—she gestured to my bare legs—“the changes he’s brought in you are amazing. I hated you being here without me, but I’m so glad it happened this way.”
“Me, too,” I said. “I just don’t know how to trust him.”
“That’s going to be something you have to decide. No one else—not even Wilder—can make that choice for you. But you and I both know how rare love is, and if you two have it, then fight for it. Figure out the rest as you go along.”
“And don’t look where it’s taking us? What happens after this trip is over?”
She smiled. “I kinda feel like it should take you to your bedroom, and then to the expo site. After that it’s all up to you.”
“Bedroom?”
She smiled and shrugged, then went back to sunbathing.
I walked to my room and found a red package on the bed with red tissue paper and a red card. Subtle, Pax.
My hands shook as I opened the card, ripping through the paper. It was from one of the tourist sites on Mykonos, with a glossy picture of the shoreline. When I opened it, my eyes prickled.
“This is my endgame. You said you wanted to touch love, and you did. You do with every breath. I know I messed up. I know you don’t think you can trust me. But you wondered if you’d ever be able to let go and let someone love you… Let go, Leah, because I already do.”
I closed the card and gently put it down on the bed before I unwrapped the frame inside the bag. It was the picture from Mykonos. When had he had it developed?
My fingers traced our lines, my breath caught at not only the look on my face but on Paxton’s—the complete devotion I saw in his eyes as he held me above his head. A guy couldn’t fake that kind of look.
Could he?
I wanted to say no. Everything in my body cried out that he was real, that our love was genuine. But what if it wasn’t? What if I was making a fool out of myself, when I should be bailing, getting out of this relationship when I needed to?
What if I hadn’t learned my lesson from Brian’s death, and I was still hanging on to something that I needed to run from—destined to break more and more the longer I stayed?
But what if my fear was what I was clinging to, and Pax was the one I should be running toward?
…
I closed the door behind me and checked my watch. Practice was still going—I could make it. I would have been even faster, but I’d changed into pants and a breezy shirt so I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb here in Abu Dhabi.