“You’re supposed to be the prince, not the fairy godmother. But I bet you’d look stellar in a dress,” Penna joked. When she caught wind of how much I was not joking, she sighed. “It’s love, Pax. It’s what some people spend their whole life searching for. Do you know what a miracle it is to love someone and actually have them love you back? You have a chance at something epic.”
“Not when I’m going to lose her!” I shouted. I rocked forward, covering my eyes with my hands. “I never thought this would happen. I never thought she would be…her, but she is, Penna. She’s so fucking exquisite that I can barely believe that she lets me touch her, lets me share her time, her bed, her heart. What the hell am I going to do?”
I couldn’t tell her. That would only rip her apart more, rip us both apart when it didn’t work out, when she realized what I’d done, when she realized that I lived a life that was fun to hang around for nine months, not a lifetime. No, telling her opened doors I couldn’t close, left them ajar just enough to let in the fire that would ultimately burn my ass to the ground. Love never worked out. Not for my parents, not for Landon, or Brooke, and it definitely wouldn’t stick around for me. She’d already told me how important honesty was to her, and I’d already blown it.
Hell, I’d ruined us before I met her.
Penna gently tugged my arms down and then wrapped hers around me like we were five again. “Tell her. Kiss her. Pray to God you can make it through the storm you’re headed for, then marry her and make pretty little Wilder babies,” she repeated. “The answer to that question will always be the same no matter what stage you’re in. You are the strongest man I have ever known. So you dig in, you take the rain, and you fight like hell, because that’s what you’re about to go through.”
I nodded, but I knew the truth: out of everyone in my life, Leah was the angel…and they didn’t exactly hang around in hell.
…
I loved her. About a billion different swear words went through my head as I opened the door to the suite. Was she going to know when she looked at me? Maybe I should just tell her. Yeah, and then what the hell would I do when she walked out?
No. I was keeping this to myself.
Besides, we didn’t need words for what I had planned.
“Honey, I’m home,” I called out when I saw Landon lounged on the sofa, a copy of Les Miserables in his hand.
“She’s in your room,” he answered without looking up. “Did you finish reading?”
“Yes, Mom,” I said, already headed up the flight of stairs to our room. At least now I wouldn’t have to find an excuse to get her up there.
“Good, because I don’t think CliffsNotes is going to cut it on the final.”
“You, too? I already have one hard-ass riding me.” Or she would be soon.
He laughed. “Just reminding you that your grades affect us all, my man.”
“Yeah, I never forget that,” I tossed back as I opened the door to my room. I threw my equipment bag on the bed after locking our bedroom and walked out the sliding glass door, which was already open to the private balcony.
My chest swelled with that inconvenient love when I saw Leah in the lounge chair, Physics book in her face, her eyes squinting to read in the dying light. “Hey, Firecracker,” I said softly, and she dropped the book.
“Hey, you.” She stretched, her shirt riding up over her smooth stomach. “Man, it feels like I’ve been sitting here for hours. What happened to you?”
“Sorry, I went for a workout,” I said in lame excuse. I had, but it had been more for my tangled mind than my body.
“Okay, well, I brought you takeout from the cafeteria since you missed dinner.” She motioned back inside our room.
I crossed the distance in a few strides, my ass hitting the cushioned lounge chair at the same moment my lips found her belly.
“Hmm…” she hummed, her fingers tangling in my hair as I kissed my way up her rib cage. “I’m guessing you’re not hungry?”
“Not for dinner,” I answered. I raised her shirt over her red lace bra and, just like that, my body screamed for her, the need that had built since I’d realized that I was in love with her finally overtaking every other logical thought in my head.
She arched into my mouth when I ran my tongue over her lace-covered nipple, my name the sweetest whisper on her lips. Damn, I loved when she did that, like it was instinctual. Like to her, my name was synonymous with pleasure.
She raised her arms, and I tugged the shirt off, sending it to the deck. “Pax…we’re outside,” she said as I pulled her yoga pants off her long, beautiful legs.
“Surrounded waist-high by steel on three sides. No one can see us,” I promised. I’d never let anyone see her naked. All of this was mine, and mine alone. Including—fuck me—those matching red lace panties. “Red,” I whispered, nearly swallowing my tongue.
“The closest I could get to a flag,” she said with a sexy smile.
I ripped off my shirt and slid up her body so I could feel her against my skin. She was perfect under me, her knees coming up to cradle my hips. “Noted,” I said with an answering grin, thankful I’d snagged a quick shower at the gym.
Then I kissed her, and she met me full-on, until we were a flurry of roaming hands, tongues, teeth, and soft moans. Everything about her intoxicated me, demanded every ounce of my focus. When I had her in my hands, everything disappeared, and it may as well have only been us on the ship—on the earth.