My fingers dipped under her lace panties, and my dick started throbbing at how wet she was. “Fuck,” I muttered, sliding my fingers over her swollen clit. “You want me.”
“Always,” she gasped, resting her forehead against mine as I rubbed her just where she liked it. Her breath came in short spurts, and I teased her entrance, wishing I could slip into her right here. Hell, a simple zip and I’d— No, we do not fuck our future wife where people might see her. Besides, that sound, yes, that one, where her breath caught and stuttered? That was for my ears only. I needed to get her inside so I could get inside her.
Her nails raked lightly down my chest, and she raised my shirt to trace the lines of my abs, pausing in the places that had my breath catching this time. But when she reached for my zipper, I stopped her. “Not here,” I whispered against her lips.
“No one can see,” she urged, rocking her hips against my hand so that my fingers slipped into her with a shallow thrust. “God, Josh. Mmmm. I’ve been thinking about this all night.”
I pressed lightly on her clit with my thumb, unable to keep still while she was moving on my hand like a fucking sex goddess. “All night?” I asked, stroking her inner walls with another measured thrust.
“Mmmm,” she moaned, biting my lip softly. “Every night, really.”
I circled her with the same movement of my fingers, feeding off every single gasp, the slightest movement of her hips. “Always?”
“There’s never a minute that I don’t want you inside me, crave your hands on my body, Josh. That’s never going to change.” Her hand worked its way under my jeans, the angle making it awkward for her to get ahold of me, thank God. The minute this woman touched me, I had all the self-control of a damn high schooler.
Hell, even back then I’d known she was too good for me, but I was going to spend my life proving I was exactly what she needed now. And the timing…well, it sucked, but this could protect her if something happened to me. “Want to gamble on that always?”
Her eyes flew open, locking onto mine, and her hips froze. “What?”
Fuck, the box was still upstairs, and she deserved better than this, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer, and the alcohol wasn’t helping. “We could make it forever. You and me.”
Eyes wide, she leaned back, her hand slipping out of my pants. “What are you saying?”
Shit, just spit it out. “I’m leaving in ten days. I want you to be taken care of, to have the security of my last name, to know you have access to everything while I’m gone.”
“Josh?” Her eyes narrowed and not in a good way.
You are fucking this all up—get to the point!
“We could get married!” It flew out of my mouth. Gone was the pretty speech I’d been practicing for the last month, waiting for the perfect, not-too-over-the-top moment. I’d somehow developed verbal stomach flu. “You know, elope, like Jagger and Paisley. Just you and me. Forever.”
“Because you’re deploying in ten days.”
“The timing is shit, I know that. God, I wish it was different and we had all the time in the world. But this would protect you, give you access to my benefits.”
“Unbelievable.” She pushed off my lap and tugged her skirt down her thighs. “Un-fucking-believable!”
Mayday. Mayday, you’re going down, buddy. I leaned forward, reaching for her, but she sidestepped. “December…” I shook my head, wishing I’d had about three fewer beers. “I thought you’d be happy.” This was not how I pictured this moment going.
“This…this is a proposal?” If it were anger I saw in her eyes, I could have held my shit together. I could have fired back. But the hurt? Fuck, I was defenseless.
My mouth opened and shut a few times. I couldn’t figure out what the hell to say that wasn’t going to dig me a deeper hole than the one I was already in. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Because I didn’t hear a question, Josh. I heard a business proposal.” A single tear slipped down her cheek, crushing my heart in a way her words never could have.
“December…” I stood, but she backed farther away.
“No. My answer is no.”
Fuck, I was wrong. One word decimated me.
Chapter Five
EMBER
I swatted the tear away angrily. How did this even qualify as a proposal? I’d fantasized about this exact moment since I was a freshman in high school drawing doodles with his name.
This was more like a nightmare.
“You don’t want to marry me?” he whispered.
“What? All I have ever wanted is to marry you, to be your always, to wake up knowing that I’m yours and you’re mine.” How could he even think that?
He tucked his thumbs in his pockets and rolled his shoulders. “That’s what I thought this was about. You and me, forever.”
“Really? Because you just proposed like I’m some tag-chaser you picked up in a random bar, and you’re offering me free health care so you can make more money on a deployment, and we’d better hurry up and sign those papers before you ship out.”
His head snapped back like I’d slapped him. “I guess I didn’t think you wanted some over-the-top proposal. Isn’t that what you always alluded to? I have the ring upstairs, I can get it—”
“I don’t want a fucking ring!” My voice broke. “I just want your heart.”