She tensed under my hand. “There are things about me that you don’t know.”
“There are tons of things about me that you don’t know,” I countered. “Are you ready to tell me yours?” I wanted to tell her as much as I wanted her a million miles away from it.
“Not yet, and I know that’s not fair.”
“Then don’t. Let’s do things backward, start with”—I swallowed—“trust. No miscommunications, just trust, and then we’ll fill in the blanks as we’re both ready.” Holy shit, I said it.
She relaxed, her body forming to mine. “Jagger?”
“Mmm-hmm?” I’d never spent this much time in bed with a woman with her clothes on, let alone one who wanted to talk, but I’d listen to Paisley read a phone book if she wanted.
“Does no sex mean no kissing?”
I didn’t need to be asked twice and slid her under me. I lingered above her for a few breaths, drinking in how exquisite she was. Her hair spread all over her pillow, and her lips were full, parted. The straps of her tank top caressed her collarbone, and the skin of her chest was flawless, rising with each breath she took. I refused to look lower, where her breasts rested. There was zero chance I was fucking this up the first night I had her.
“Want to know the biggest reason I’m okay waiting to make love to you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Anticipation is the best part. Wondering where every kiss will lead.”
She tangled her legs with mine. “Oh, yeah?”
“Definitely.” I stole a glance at the clock—12:04 a.m. Slowly, I lowered my lips to hers, brushing across them lightly. “Merry Christmas, Paisley.”
She smiled against my lips. “Merry Christmas, Jagger.”
She kissed me then, the softest, warmest caress I’d ever had. I wrapped her in my arms and stayed awake longer than she did, my mind racing.
I’d never felt anything as right as having her in my arms, her lips moving with mine. It was a sense of home that I hadn’t felt since…well, too long.
I drifted, jerking awake only to reassure myself I hadn’t been dreaming and Paisley was really here. I caressed the line of her hip, my hand sliding easily over her satin pajama pants, and finally gave in, breathing in the scent of apples.
The cell phone jolted me awake, and I rolled to the side, momentarily confused as to where my left arm was. Ah, under Paisley’s head. I blinked into consciousness, reaching for the phone. Unknown on caller ID. I swiped the phone on, gently disengaging my arm.
“Hello?”
“Jag?”
Holy shit. I sat at the edge of the bed, instantly aware. I leaned over, resting my elbows on my bare knees, trying to decide if I was about to cry with relief or puke up dinner. “Anna?” The whisper was all I could manage.
“Oh, Jag.” She sniffled. Was she drunk? High?
My stomach clenched. “Anna, where are you? Tell me. I can be there in twelve hours.” I reached for my pants, pulling them on in one smooth motion.
“I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.” The noise of a party infiltrated the background.
“Don’t have to worry? Anna, I worry about you every fucking day.” I kept my voice low so I wouldn’t wake Paisley, and tugged my shirt over my head. “Please, tell me where you are.”
“I miss you. I miss seeing you smile. Are you happy?” Her words started to slur.
“Anna, I won’t ever be happy unless I know where you are, that you’re safe.”
“Would you come see me if I told you? Would you stay with me?”
My eyes closed of their own volition. “Of course I would come. I’ll get on the first plane.” But I wouldn’t stay. I knew I’d get dragged down before I could pull her out. I forgot all sense of time and priorities when I was with her. “Just tell me where you are.”
I opened my bag and dug around for socks, calculating my distance to the airport.
“Oh, Jag. I love you, but I’m no good for you.” Her speech grew heavy.
“Anna, you’re as much a part of me as my own skin. There’s no good, no bad, just us. Please, for the love of God, tell me where you are. I’m so damned worried.” She had to tell me. I couldn’t not know if she was hurt, or broke. “At least let me send you money.”
“You’re better off without me.”
“No. I’m never better off. I need you. I will always need you! Tell me where to come, and I’ll be there.” That sense of foreboding crept along my skin. This was going to end like usual.
“Do you still love me?”
I paused, looking over to where Paisley slept, the first real chance at happiness I’d had. But she was safe. Anna wasn’t, and this wasn’t a choice between them. “I will always love you, no matter where you are or what you do. Can you understand that? You’re never too far gone.”
“You can’t save me.”
“I can if you’ll let me.” Her heavy breaths were nearly drowned out by the thumping bass in the background.
“Merry Christmas, Jag. I love you so fucking much.” Her voice broke on a sob, and the distinct beep told me the call had been ended.
“Merry Christmas,” I whispered to her, even though she couldn’t hear me.
I lifted my phone, needing to throw it, to destroy something, anything, but if she called again, I’d need it. Who the fuck was I kidding? She wasn’t going to call. I slid down the wall and collapsed, my head on my knees.