I let out the breath I hadn’t realized that I’d been holding. “Okay—”
“I’m not finished,” he interrupted, both of his hands now holding my face. “As for your last concern, who you’re competing with? Paisley, there’s no competition, no ghosts lurking in the corners of my heart, no standard I could hold you to, because you blow every single memory out of the water like it never existed. Kissing other girls was just a step in a very well-rehearsed little dance. Kissing you fucking consumes me. There’s no room for anyone else.”
“When was the last time?” My stomach clenched, and my heart thudded in my throat.
“None since Florida.”
I arched my eyebrow at him, wordlessly asking.
He shook his head with a wry grin. “It wasn’t meeting you, though I know that would be the awesome line you’d want to hear.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “It was saving you. Seeing how quickly life could just be…over. I’ve wanted nothing more in my life than to fly Apaches, and there I was at the beach, scoring another girl in a bikini. My priorities were wrong. Then you were thrown in, and when I saw you, my first thought was that I was too late. You were already gone, this vivacious girl who’d been reading just a few minutes before…”
“You noticed,” I murmured.
“Want to know the color of your bathing suit that day? Because I can tell you that, too.”
“You have a photographic memory, you cheat.”
A grin flickered across his face. “I’d made it into flight school, but I was wasting my time, my energy on girls who meant nothing. So I stopped. No women. No distractions. I decided to concentrate on what really mattered.”
“And me?”
“You matter.”
“I’m a distraction.”
His gaze dropped to my lips. “Only the best kind. And I like to think of you as more of a reason to succeed.”
I kissed the furrows on his forehead. “Thank you, for telling me about the others.”
“Has it changed anything?” His eyes were wary.
“No, I promise. Do I approve? Of course not. Does it scare me a little? Absolutely.” He turned away, and I gently brought his face to mine. “I’m not going to hold your past against you, as long as you don’t hold mine against me.”
“Deal.” He pressed his lips to mine. “I don’t know how to do this, how to be in a relationship. I don’t know if I’m calling you too much, or too little. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel this way, all borderline obsessed, or if I’m a total nut job. I think most guys figure this out in junior high.” He rested his forehead on mine, and I tried to match his slower breaths.
He looked at me, unguarded, and a sweet pressure settled in my chest that I was too scared to name. Not this soon. I was over my head and yet never more comfortable in my skin, my thoughts. “You have been perfect. Don’t think about what you should be doing. I want you, not some fake version of what you think I want.”
“And my track record for fucking things up?” He smirked, but his eyes didn’t hold a trace of the humor his mouth did.
“You have never let me down, Jagger.”
“Maybe…maybe you could be my exception.” His voice was low, laced with faint hope.
With the rules I’d broken, the feelings I had in that very moment, I felt like…me, and not just the watered-down version I’d become since diagnosis. Jagger made me want things I’d long since given up on for my future. There was no alarm on my wrist, no one telling me exactly what I had to be doing for my own good. He was living, breathing freedom. “Maybe you’re mine, too.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jagger
I know what you’re thinking. Eventually I’ll screw it up. I always do.
“You don’t have to do this.” Paisley squeezed my hand. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’ll be fine.” Now that was funny. Uncomfortable at a formal party? If she only knew. But she didn’t, because I hadn’t worked up the balls to tell her yet. I adjusted the knot on my tie, wishing it was just a little looser, or better yet…off. We stood outside her parents’ house, watching as couples parked their cars and moved toward the front door.
Paisley wore a simple black dress, a strapless number that ended just above her knee. Her hair was swept up in some style that showed off her neck and made it way too accessible. Luckily I wasn’t amateur enough to leave hickeys, because the soft skin at the base of her neck was easily becoming my favorite place to worship.
“Are you sure this is the best way for them to find out about us?” I asked.
She scrunched her nose, which was impossibly cute. “Well, no. But at least in public you’re not going to get shot or anything.”
“I’ve seen your dad pissed. Are the guns locked up?”
She laughed. “Want me to go in first and make sure?”
I ran my thumb over her knuckles and led her toward the lion’s den. “Nope. We do this together.”
“Do you want to wait for Josh and Ember?”
Every officer had been invited, and I’d basically blackmailed Josh into coming. “They’re running a little late due to the shower running out of hot water. It was something about getting stranded with soap in their hair.”
She raised her eyebrows. “They were both in the shower?”