“I made a mistake,” I throw back. “You, of all people, should understand that. You made a mistake too.”
“Yeah,” he barks. “And no fucker has forgiven me for it, so don’t you fuckin’ stand here wantin’ something that nobody was willin’ to give me when I needed it. You ain’t gettin’ my fuckin’ forgiveness, Ciara, because I don’t fuckin’ have yours.”
He pushes off the wall and turns, storming toward the open bottle of vodka. He grips it off the floor and brings it to his mouth, drinking in long, deep pulls until a good quarter of the bottle is gone.
“I do forgive you,” I say, my voice small and weak.
He spins around and meets my gaze, and my heart begins to thud.
“You forgive me for Cheyenne, but you don’t forgive me for puttin’ my cock inside you and takin’ your innocence.”
I flinch and he snorts. “Yeah, exactly.”
“You haven’t given me a chance to forgive you, because all you’ve done is push me away. Every time I’ve tried to get close, you shove me back.”
“He’s a useless, pathetic biker. He put her in that car. He put her in that position. He’s the reason she’s dead. He should pay, every day of his life for it.”
I jerk violently as he repeats the very words I said the day I stood up in court. Tears burn under my eyelids, and begin streaming down my face. My lip trembles, but I still manage to spit out my next words.
“I fucked up,” I rasp. “I can’t take those words back. I didn’t mean them; you know I didn’t mean them. I have fought to make that up to you, for years I have fought.”
“You nearly put me away. If it wasn’t for my fuckin’ connections, I’d be in jail.”
“I know that! I can’t keep telling you I’m sorry. I can’t live forever trying to make you see that I fucked up, that you were the best thing in my life and I let you walk away.”
His body stiffens, and he begins breathing heavily again. “I heard you, the night of that party all those years ago. I fuckin’ heard you tell Cheyenne she could have me.”
“I know you did,” I whisper.
“I was fuckin’ gutted. You know, as hot as your sister was, I never had any fuckin’ intention of bein’ with her. I wanted one thing, and that was you. I tried, I showed it to you all the fuckin’ time and you couldn’t see it. Then that night, you basically shoved me toward her, and I realized you didn’t want me. I was waiting for nothin’, so I went with her. I fell in love with her, I was happy with her, but she was never fuckin’ you, Ciara. Not even close.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? All those years, and you didn’t say anything.”
His eyes flare, and then soften. “Same goes, Ciara. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I swallow. He’s right. We were both idiots.
“We had a great friendship. I was scared if you didn’t feel the same that I would ruin it.”
He grunts, shaking his head slowly. “Yeah, well, same here.”
I rub my arms. They’re tingling, and my body feels like it might explode with emotion. “I made a mistake, Spike. The day I stood in that courtroom, I made a mistake. I’m sorry,” I pause to take a deep, steady breath. “I know you can’t forgive me, but I’m sorry all the same.”
His eyes soften completely, and for a long moment we just stare at each other. “I’m sorry too, for fuckin’ you the way I did. Never did it right, and I should have. I should have laid you down and made you feel as beautiful as I know you fuckin’ are. You deserved better than what I gave you.”
My lip trembles again, and his gaze softens even more. A glimpse of my Danny shows in his face, and I know we’ve finally cracked through the wall that has built up so thick between us.
“I don’t want to hate you anymore, I don’t want to fight anymore, I don’t want any of this between us anymore...” I whisper.
“Yeah,” he rasps. “Me either.”
“Can we move on?”
He moves forward until he reaches me. He grips my face and leans down, pressing his lips softly against mine. “Yeah, Tom Cat, we can.”
“What is it exactly we’re doing here?” I dare to ask as he moves his lips down my neck.
“We’re lettin’ life take us where life is gonna take us, and this time, we’re not gonna fuckin’ fight it.”
That sounds fine by me.
Just perfect.
CHAPTER 11
PAST - CIARA
“She’s gone, Ciara, and she’s never coming back. It doesn’t matter what you want right now!” my mother yells, her eyes puffy from crying.
My sister has been gone for six weeks, and we’ve been through hell and back, fighting to get Danny put away. My heart has been ripped out, stomped on, rolled in the dirt, and ground into a thousand pieces during the last few months, and now my parents are refusing to acknowledge my life. They’re grieving, I get that, but they aren’t even trying to let me move on and find my own life. I wanted help with college, but they are refusing to give me money, blaming me entirely for Cheyenne’s death. It’s my fault that she’s gone, because I was the one who befriended Danny. I ran away, instead of fighting to keep them apart like I should have.
“I can’t keep living like this, Mom. I need a life. I need to get into school and try to create something that resembles some kind of normality.”