And after what had happened between them in the past, how could she trust him? Back then he’d had her completely convinced that he really cared about her. She’d opened up to him like she had never done with anyone else, and it had all been bullshit. Just Jace fulfilling a duty. A guy trying to make a messed-up girl feel better about herself.
Too bad she hadn’t figured that out before she’d talked her way into his bed one night and taken things too far.
She’d imagined many times that year what losing her virginity to Jace would be like, but being a mercy fuck had never been part of the fantasy.
Neither had getting pregnant.
Though Jace didn’t exactly know about that last part.
So why in the hell was he standing here, asking her if she wanted him? He couldn’t be serious about sleeping with her, dominating her. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips with a nervous flick. Despite the warning sirens shrieking in her head, the thought had her hot in all the right places.
No, this had to be about his ridiculous protective streak. He probably just wanted her to select him so he could haul her over his shoulder, stuff her back in the limo, and send her home.
She straightened her spine. “I’m serious about trying this, Jace. Don’t do this so you can keep me from participating or give me some edited, half-assed experience. I know you still see me as someone who needs a keeper.”
He frowned. “What I see is a girl jumping into a game she knows nothing about just because her fiancé isn’t doing it for her in bed. But if you’re really here to find out what it’s like, I’m one of the best doms here. I can help you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Thanks, but I don’t need another sympathy screw. You already covered that with me a long time ago.”
He winced.
“Come on, Austin. You’re wasting all of our time,” Colby said.
Jace lowered his voice. “Look, I realize what a dick I was to you back then, and I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. But I’ll make you a deal, Sasha. I can leave everything outside these doors as long as you can. I want you. And based on that kiss, you want me, too. So let’s keep it that simple. This is sex. The past doesn’t exist here. And I promise whatever I do with you, sympathy or pity definitely will not be a factor.”
She blew out a breath. Could she really block out everything while she was here? Be someone else for a while? She came here for one reason: to feed her physical side in a no-strings-attached environment. Could she do that with Jace? She wasn’t a desperate, love-struck teenager this time. Jace didn’t mean anything to her anymore. And if they didn’t dredge up the past, her secret was safe.
Could she just focus on the fact that he was a sexy man who happened to get her hormones firing faster than any other guy ever had? He certainly stirred up a tempest with a kiss whereas Colby had only left her cold.
Hell, she was a master of compartmentalization. When she’d run away all those years ago, she’d learned very quickly how to lock away painful memories and emotions. It was the only way she’d survived it. And she’d certainly been able to tuck away her libido for the last few years without much incident. So why wouldn’t she be able to do this?
There was no reason. She was strong enough, and she’d earned this chance for indulgence. If Jace stuck to those “no past” rules, then so could she.
She glanced at Colby, who nodded at her as if he already knew what she was going to do and understood. She took a deep breath and turned her gaze back to Jace. “I’m all yours . . . sir.”
The green in Jace’s eyes darkened, clouding the normal humor that resided there. He stepped closer, his intimidating height looming over her as he grasped her elbow and led her away from Colby. Her arms had been bent into L-shapes behind her, so keeping her balance was a challenge, but Jace made sure she didn’t tip over. He took the collar he’d been holding and wound it around her neck.
“This will let everyone know you’re mine while you’re here,” he said into her ear. “Don’t take it off.”
“Yes, sir.”
He fastened the lock and ran his fingertip along the hollow of her throat. “And don’t worry about half-assed, baby. I’ll make sure you get exactly what you need.”
She shivered, goose bumps tracking over her exposed skin. This wasn’t a side of Jace she’d ever seen. He’d always kept it lighthearted around her when they were younger—quick with a joke or harmless teasing. The guy who hadn’t taken anything seriously, including her. Master J seemed to be a whole different animal all together. If she focused on that, this different persona, maybe blocking out the past would be easier than she thought.
He urged her forward, and she tried to find her voice. “Grant said I may have to do something in front of the group.”
Jace shook his head as he led her to the side of the room. “Only guests are required to submit publicly. You and I? We need to take care of some things in private first. Now move. Andre, get the door.”
She whipped her head around to see Jace’s friend from the conference a few steps behind them. Andre shot her a saucy smile, then moved in front of her to shove open the door. He swept an arm in front of her. “After you, bella.”
They entered a quiet hallway, her hammering heart and unsteady breath the only sound. She looked between the two of them. “Where are we going?”
“Our cabin,” Jace said. “And you’re not so good at this not speaking thing, Sasha.”
She huffed.
They reached the end of the corridor, and Jace grabbed a long silk robe from a hook and draped it over his shoulder. “It’s gotten chilly.”
Andre pushed open the exit door, and the cool night air rushed over her as they stepped outside. He crooked a thumb at one of the two golf carts lined up next to the wall of the main building. “I reserved one of the cabins next to the lake. It’s too far to walk with Evan—er, Sasha—barefoot. We can take one of these, or if you want to go scenic, I can call the stable and have them bring around two of the horses.”
Horses? The place had freaking horses? Damn, how much had Daniel paid for her to get in here?
“Let’s just take the easy route for now.” Jace moved behind her, running his palms along her arms. “As lovely as you look all trussed up like this, I’m going to need to undo these. You have to be able to hold on to the cart.”
She warmed under his touch and the compliment, but kept her mouth shut. She would prove that she could stay quiet even though it was killing her not to ask a hundred questions. Jace unfastened her cuffs and slid them off. She stretched her arms above her head and rolled her wrists.
When she glanced up, she found Andre watching her, his gaze hot enough to set the cedar-planked building behind them on fire. He put his hands in his pockets, and her focus was drawn downward where the crotch of his black slacks bulged.
“Your woman’s eyes are wandering, Jace,” Andre teased.
She quickly looked away, her cheeks heating. “Sorry.”
Jace chuckled behind her. “Don’t apologize. You have permission to look at Andre all you want. And you’re going to have to get used to guys getting hard at the sight of you. You look like a walking wet dream in this getup.”
Her breath caught.
“You’re surprised I’d say that to you,” he said, his voice close to her ear, his body heat warming her back. “Tell me why.”
“I’ve just never seen this side of you. You were always so—”
“Careful? That’s because you were my foster sister and didn’t need to see this side of me. Didn’t need to see how non-brotherly my feelings had become for you.”
She stilled.
His hands gripped her shoulders from behind, causing her to flinch. “That’s right, Evan. If you don’t hear anything else that I say, hear this. I didn’t sleep with you because I felt sorry for you. I did it because I’d wanted you so bad and for so long that when you offered, I wasn’t strong enough to do the right thing and say no.”
She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, the revelation rocking her to her foundation. She wanted to ask why—why had he said all those things afterward, turned her away? But she wasn’t sure she needed to hear those answers right now. This was supposed to be free of the past. It wasn’t the time for forgiveness or healing hurt feelings. Venturing into that territory was dangerous. “Jace—”
“Shh, don’t say anything. I’m going to keep to my promise of no past. I just wanted you to know that before we go any further. Needed you to know that whatever I do with you this weekend isn’t to right some wrong or because I owe you for fucking up back then. It’s because you’re a beautiful woman who’s asking to be dominated. I’ll give you one guess as to what that does to me.”
Her heart began to thump harder. He grasped her wrist and drew it low behind her back. Denim rasped against her fingers as he cupped her hand over his rock-hard erection. Her knees wobbled as liquid heat rushed through her.
“Lack of attraction is definitely not a problem. Never has been,” he whispered. “Only now, I don’t have to hide it.”
Andre cleared his throat. “Unless you two plan to get it on right here in the doorway, we should probably get a move on.”
Jace’s lips grazed the curve of her neck before slipping the robe over her shoulders. He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “Come on, babe. Andre’s right. No need to rush. We have a few things to discuss first.”
Rushing was exactly what she wanted to do right now because she feared that if she thought this through too much, she’d be hightailing it out the front gates. But he was right. They probably needed to talk before jumping in, even if it was as two “other people.” This whole lifestyle was a mystery to her, and she had no idea what kind of dominant Jace was, what he would expect from her, and if she could, in fact, handle whatever that was.
She followed Jace on shaky legs to the cart. Andre sat in the driver’s spot, and Jace joined her on the seat that faced backward. His arm banded around her waist. “Hold on, short stuff.”
She stiffened at the old nickname he used to call her when they were teenagers, the little zing of ancient affection stirring within her. It was affection she didn’t need to reignite. “Please don’t call me that.”
He glanced down her, his eyes flashing with regret. “Sorry. It just slipped out.”
She turned her head and looked out at the expanse of vineyards flanking the east side of the property, her chest clenching with cold fingers of fear that she was making a big mistake. That she couldn’t trust her heart to stay out of it with Jace. “It’s okay. Just call me whatever a dom calls a sub. No past, right?”
He nodded resolutely as the cart started moving. “Right, pet.”
TEN
Jace set his jaw in determination as Andre parked the cart in front of their sprawling cabin. This was a fucking disaster. If he had wanted to venture back into the world of one-on-one, doing it with someone he used to care about was the absolute worst way to go about it. The fact that he was even feeling such a drive to have Evan should’ve been testament enough that this was a bad move.
But the minute Colby had taken control of her, all of Jace’s solid logic had disintegrated into a cloud of testosterone-laced dust. He’d wanted to break Colby’s fingers one by one for having the nerve to touch her at all. Then Jace had done the stupidest thing of all. Kissed Evan.
After that, there was no going back. The primitive part of him had staked his claim. She was his. Even if it was only for the weekend. And now he was going to have to deal with the fallout of that decision. The only hope he had left was that maybe she’d become open to the idea of ménage, and Andre could come into the picture and ease some of the intensity of the situation. But right now, Jace was done analyzing it.