“In a minute. Thanks.” I tried to smile but couldn’t. Melissa nodded in understanding and closed my door behind her to give me some privacy.
I scrolled through my contacts searching for Jack’s name and pressed Send. I listened as it rang twice before going straight to voice mail. He was ignoring me. I swallowed my pride and waited patiently for the beep that acknowledged his voice mail recording, but hung up instead. I had no idea what I wanted to say to him that wouldn’t sound pathetic or stupid.
How had things twisted into tangled-up knots so easily? I walked into Melissa’s room and found her reading a book on her bed. I cuddled up next to her and worked through the emotions churning inside of me.
“You were right about Jack,” I started.
She dropped the book to her side and turned to me. “About what?”
“He said the girl wasn’t there for him.”
“Who was she there for then?”
“Jack roomed with Brett and apparently Brett met her and invited her up.” I let out a long sigh.
“Do you believe him?” She leaned her curly brown head against mine.
“I do.”
“So then why’d he leave?”
“He got pissed that I didn’t trust him.” I shook my head at the absurdity of the situation. “I feel like a crazy person right now. I mean, one second I’m overwhelmed with relief that the girl wasn’t there for him. I’m looking at Jack, realizing how much I care about him. And in the next, I’m feeling horrible and guilty for not trusting him. Now he’s gone and I’m scared to death that I just screwed it all up.”
I forced my eyes closed as I inhaled through my nose. “What if I lose him?” My face twisted in pain.
“You won’t.” Melissa’s voice was stern with certainty.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked, unable to hide the fear in my voice.
“Because Jack’s just as stubborn as you are! He’s not going to quit on you that easily. But he is right, you know. You don’t trust him. And that’s not fair.” She stroked my hair as she spoke.
I breathed in deeply again. “I know, but it’s hard. I mean, I saw those pictures and was so embarrassed. I felt like such an idiot. Like those girls knew something I didn’t about my own relationship.”
“Trust me, I know how you felt. But you never once questioned that maybe he didn’t do it, right?”
“Not really,” I confessed.
“I’d be pissed off too.”
The sound of the front door swinging open stopped our conversation. Footsteps beat against the floor toward my bedroom before stopping. “Cassie!” Jack’s voice echoed throughout the apartment.
“I’m in Melissa’s room,” I nervously squeaked out.
Jack appeared and leaned against the doorway, his dressy attire now replaced with black shorts and a tight-fitting baseball t-shirt. He buried his hands in his pockets before demanding, “Get up. I want to talk to you.”
Fear shot through me as I struggled to move from Melissa’s bed. She helped push me to my feet and I eyed her nervously.
“It’ll be fine. Go. Apologize,” she whispered before giving my backside a light shove.
I stumbled over my flimsy flip-flops before regaining my balance, my eyes searching Jack’s for any sign of happiness, but failing. I followed his lead into my bedroom where he slammed the door shut behind me.
“Sit.” He pointed at my bed and I did as he requested.
He didn’t join me. Instead, he stood in front of me, eyeing me before speaking. “Let me finish before you say anything. Okay?”
I couldn’t seem to find my voice, so I simply nodded.
“I want to be really pissed off at you right now. No, forget that, I am really pissed off at you.” He stopped talking, took a deep breath, and ran his tanned fingers through loose strands of his black hair. “Listen, I know we’re both fucked up. We both have trust issues and this thing happening between us is scary as hell.” He wagged his finger, his eyes avoiding mine.
“But when I told you I loved you, I meant it. I didn’t mean that I’d love you only if it was easy, or only if it was drama-free. I think we both know life isn’t like that.” I watched his face twisting with emotion as my eyes began to fill with tears.
“I know it’s not easy to be with me. Dating me means that you have to deal with some pretty crazy shit that other people don’t and I’m sorry for that. All the things you’re just now being exposed to, I’ve had years to deal with. I’m used to it…the crazy pictures, the girls, the fan pages, the blogs, the reporters, the scouts, all the social media stuff.”
He shrugged his shoulders as his eyes met mine. “And I know that the past version of me is someone you would never trust. But who I am when I’m with you” he paused, “isn’t who I used to be. I don’t think I’ve been that guy since the night of our first date, so it’s not fair that you judge me like I’m still him.”
He settled his body next to mine on the edge of the bed. “If we’re going to do this, then you have to trust me. And you can’t shut me out or ignore me when things get uncomfortable.”
It felt like hours of silence passed before I asked, “Can I talk now?”
He laughed. “Yeah.”
“I’m really sorry, Jack. I know you haven’t done anything to deserve my mistrust, but it’s just that I saw those pictures and I felt so stupid. I’d just told you not to make me look dumb or embarrass me, and I felt like that’s exactly what you did. I went into self-preservation mode where nothing else mattered but me.” I tried to explain my craziness in a way I hoped he’d understand. That basically, he was dating someone with serious trust issues.
His arm swept around my back and pulled me toward him. I allowed a few teardrops to fall before wiping them away. “You make me fucking crazy, but I love you.” He pressed his warm lips against my temple.
“So you’re not breaking up with me?” I asked with a pout.
“You’re not that lucky.”