Coach frowned. “I’m sorry, Jack, what did you say?”
“Four of your guys left her there alone. Brett took care of Dean, but everyone else bailed on her.”
“Who does that?” His voice trailed off.
“I’ll tell you who. My teammates. My so-called family. My brothers. I can’t even look at them, let alone pretend like I respect them.” I threw my hands up in the air, my voice disgusted. “Coach, it takes all of my willpower every single day to not beat the shit out of them. I’m sorry.” I looked down.
“I didn’t know the details, Jack. I’ll take care of it on my end, but you have to promise me you’ll work it out on yours. I can’t have my team falling apart at the end of the season. And you need to keep your focus.” He leaned toward me, his concern genuine.
“I’m focused. I’ll be fine.” I attempted to reassure him, but I could see he wasn’t buying it.
“Don’t quit on me, Carter. Don’t quit on this team. Don’t quit on yourself.” His frown deepened.
“It’s not in my nature, Coach. I don’t quit.” And I meant it.
“Alright, get on out there then. Tell Coach Smith I want to talk to the boys before practice starts.”
“Yes, sir,” I answered before scooting the chair back.
The entire team sat in the dugout waiting for Coach. Since this wasn’t our standard protocol, the guys were nervously trying to figure out what was up. I remained on one end of the long bench, while Brett, Cole, Matt, and Ryan sat on the other.
“Alright, gentlemen, listen up.” Coach appeared on the field and was immediately greeted with silence. “I know there was an incident that happened off school property with a few of our players. I didn’t realize how bad the situation was. I didn’t know what happened. But I know now.” His stern gaze landed briefly on each player sitting on the bench as he continued. “And let me tell you, I’m not just molding you gentlemen into great baseball players here…I’m trying to mold you into great men. And great men don’t run away from a fight. Great men don’t leave a girl alone to fend for herself.”
He looked at Coach Smith before letting out a long huff of air. “There will come a time in your life when you lose something that matters to you. You’ll fight for it and you won’t win. But what really matters isn’t the war you’re waging, it’s that you don’t lose the person you are in the midst of the battle. You boys lost yourselves that night.
“And I know that some of you are real pissed off about what happened. Some of you are angry, hurt, embarrassed, shocked, and whatever other girly emotion your mommies tell you to get in touch with,” he mimicked with a slight snarl. “I want you to take those feelings and use them on the field. Put it all out there and then leave it there. Don’t take those emotions home with you at night where they can eat you up inside and rot your soul. This time we have together goes by in a blink of an eye. It’s a special thing. Don’t let anyone take it from you.”
Without another word, Coach turned around and walked out of the dugout and down the field toward the locker room entrance. The silence was deafening as no one moved a muscle or made a sound. I hated being mad at my teammates, but the events of that night twisted me up so fiercely inside, it was hard to ignore. Forgiving them for what happened to Kitten felt almost impossible, even though they asked for it on a daily basis. I didn’t know how to move past the anger. The truth was, I wasn’t sure how to forgive them.
“You heard the Coach. Work it out, gentlemen. Let’s finish off our season as not only teammates, but friends. Pitchers and catchers in the bullpen. Everyone else on the field.”
“Coach Smith?” I said loud enough that it stopped the rest of the team from leaving.
“What is it, Carter?”
“Can I have a minute with Brett, Cole, Matt, and Ryan?” I asked, meeting the gaze of each of them as I said their names.
“Five minutes, then get your asses on the field.” He turned. “Everyone else out. Now!” he shouted and the dugout cleared.
The guys sat there, unease written all across their faces. I could tell they weren’t sure what I was about to do or say. And I’ll admit I liked that they didn’t know what I was capable of. Matt had called me a loose cannon once before and I happily wore the nickname with honor, even though he insisted it wasn’t a compliment.
“Coach is right. We can’t end the season like this.” I shook my head. “I can’t leave here hating you guys. This anger I have, it eats me up inside,” I admitted. “I just need to know what happened.”
“I’m really sorry, Jack. Personally, I panicked,” Matt confessed, his eyebrows drawing together. “All I thought about was getting Jamie out of there. I didn’t even think about Cassie. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.”
I tried to fight the resentment that welled inside my gut. I clenched my fists before unclenching them. “I appreciate your honesty, Matt.” My teeth ground together as I forced my tone to stay even.
“I’m sorry too, man. He said he had a gun and I took off. All I could think about was how I couldn’t outrun a bullet. I left Cassie there and watched from a safe distance as she got the crap beat out of her,” Ryan said as he looked at the ground.
My heart raced with his words as heat began rising in my cheeks. Ryan noticed the anger spreading across my face and quickly continued. “But I’m the one who has to live with that, Jack. I have to live with the fact that when the shit hit the fan, I went running. I let a girl get beat up and I did nothing about it. You might know how it feels to be you, but you have no idea how it feels to be me right now. I let you down. I let Cassie down. I let myself down. And I think about it every single day.”
My breathing steadied as his words sank in. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. Just know that I’m sorry,” Ryan added.
I nodded before looking at Cole and Brett. “When Dean fell, you should have seen it. He was just lying there on the ground and my gut instinct was to get him out of there. Cassie was still standing and I figured that one of the other guys would get her. But Dean wasn’t even moving.” Brett shuddered with the memory.
“Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it.” I half smiled at Brett. “Can I ask you guys a favor?” It wasn’t really a question and they all answered yes in unison.
“If you see the guy who did it, you call me immediately.”
“I’ve looked for him every day,” Cole admitted. “I drive around looking for him ’cause I saw his face. I’d recognize him for sure.”