“Talk to me,” I said.
“It’s all my fault, Scar,” he said brokenly. “I left my own brother vulnerable.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“It is!” He said it with such force that his breath blew my hair off my face. “I knew they’d rummaged through my brain, and I didn’t even think about the consequences for everyone else in my life! If I hadn’t had my head stuck up my ass, maybe I could have protected him!”
“Jesse . . .”
He seemed so defeated, and I couldn’t think of a thing to say, because the déjà vu was overwhelming. He sounded exactly like how I had felt so many times, with so many people: My parents. My friend Caroline. Wyatt. My brother and his wife. And, of course, Jameson.
Jesse stood there looking at me with his desperate eyes, and I thought of all the times the people in my life had been made victims because of me. Suddenly the weight of their collective suffering anchored me to the floor. There was an actual roaring in my ears as I considered the sum total of the enemies I’d made and the pain they’d caused—
I shook my head hard. “Enough,” I said out loud.
Jesse just looked at me. I gazed into his warm brown eyes, and I felt the fiercest sense of love and protection I’d ever felt in my life. I was having a moment of perfect clarity. It was kind of heady.
“Enough,” I said again. “We’ve had enough. This has to stop.”
“What?”
I turned and walked a few paces away from him. I simultaneously felt perfectly calm and like I really needed to calm down. I shook out my arms for a moment and went back over to Jesse. “Why do the Luparii feel like they can come to LA and fuck with us?”
He was puzzled. “I . . . I don’t know.”
“Because they think peace is weak,” I said. My voice was perfectly level. “All of them, all the assholes who’ve come to LA in the past five years and tried to tear us apart, they all think the way we share power is weak, and therefore we’re fair game. And I’ve had enough.”
“I have too,” he said, still studying me. “But what do we do about it?”
“We make them afraid,” I said matter-of-factly. “Starting with the Luparii. I don’t know what this Wild Hunt is tonight, but I’m going to stop it. And then I’m going to make sure everyone in the entire Old World knows who I am, and that I am not a null with whom to fuck. And the next time someone thinks they can take your brother”—I touched my stomach—“or this baby or anyone else, they will think twice. I swear to you.”
His gaze was intense, although I couldn’t read it. I didn’t remember moving, but somehow we had drawn toward each other. “You can’t promise that, Scarlett,” he said softly.
“Watch me.”
And I went up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
Chapter 31
In that moment, I felt immortal and strong, and I wasn’t afraid of anything . . . so I forgot to be afraid of the thing between us. Kissing Jesse wasn’t just the right thing to do; it was the only thing to do.
That said, it wasn’t much of a kiss, just a quick brush of my lips on his, but it sent currents of heat down my skin and into my abdomen. I pulled back, knowing the look of surprise on his face mirrored my own. I took a step back, suddenly remembering myself. We are in the goddamned hospital, Scarlett. “Jesse . . . I . . .”
But his hands gripped my hips and whirled me around, pressing my back against the wall next to the door. He paused then, resting his forehead on mine, his eyes asking a question. I lifted my chin, and all the feelings I’d ever had for him broke through a dam.
“Yes,” I whispered. His mouth met mine, and his fingers tore at the flimsy tie in my hair, threading his fingers through it as it spilled down over my shoulders. He made a noise of pleasure, and suddenly I needed him closer. Which was impossible, but I needed it anyway. I pressed my body to his, and when that wasn’t close enough I peeled his jacket back, but no, that wasn’t close enough either. My mouth never left his as my fingers fumbled at the buttons on his shirt, starting at the bottom so I could slide my hands under his shirt and around his back. He moaned into my mouth, and I felt almost light-headed. Weightless. The tremendous pressure I’d felt only minutes before was replaced by the light warmth of his touch.
Something in the air shifted, and an understanding passed between us, from my lips to his and vice versa. This wasn’t a fluke or a mistake. It was solid. And it was inevitable.
People talk about getting lost in a kiss, and for the first time I understood, because my mind lost its grip on anything that wasn’t the taste of him. Then he bent to kiss my neck, his fingers on the button of my jeans, and my eyes opened and saw the stained-glass window.
I remembered where we were.
“Jesse, stop,” I gasped, pushing him away from me. Hurt instantly filled his eyes, and I felt like I’d been punched in the ribs. “No! I just mean . . . not like this.” I gestured around at the little chapel. I was having a hard time catching my breath. “Not here. This . . . us . . . we deserve better.” I wasn’t sure how to say it, but he seemed to understand. He nodded and stepped toward me again, resting his hands chastely on my hips.
“You’re right,” he murmured, kissing my forehead. “Of course you’re right.”
I hated to do it, but I had to bring us back to reality. “There’s something else,” I said, and he frowned when he saw the look on my face. I took a deep breath. “When I thought you might die, while you were in the twisted slumber, I had Will hang out at the cottage on standby.” It took a moment for comprehension to hit his face, and I rushed to add, “I didn’t know if it would even be possible while you were under the spell, and the odds of a successful change haven’t been great lately, but . . .”
“Noah,” he said softly.
I nodded. “I called Sashi, the healing witch I told you about, but I have no idea if she’ll even get the message in time. But we could try changing him. If—if it works, then I could turn him human again. Cure him.”
He touched my stomach. “You shouldn’t be doing that to your body right now.”
I shrugged. “Either way . . . he would find out about the Old World. He’d be sucked in for good.” Dashiell was historically not a fan of humans knowing about us, unless they had deep connections, like being the spouse of a werewolf, or a vampire’s human servant. He had been seriously against Jesse finding out about us back when he was a cop, and considered having Jesse killed just to silence him. Jesse knowing had worked out okay in the long run, but it didn’t mean I should run around town changing and then curing people.
To make matters even more complicated, Will was the only werewolf who could do it—if I was planning to change Noah back. He already knew about my ability to cure supernatural creatures. The rest of the pack couldn’t find out or there would be anarchy. Some of them would camp out at my door begging to be cured, and some of the hard-core werewolves would likely try to kill me to protect the pack. Only Will could know, and Will was really, really busy today. He couldn’t exactly hang around the hospital just in case.
Jesse knew all this as well as I did, and I could see him running calculations in his head. “Let me see what the doctor says when he gets out of surgery,” he said at last.
He was taking a risk, one that could hurt him even more. I went on my tiptoes so I could wrap my arms around his neck, breathing in his scent. He hugged me back just as hard, and started pulling the phone out of his pocket. “What happened with Killian and Sabine?” he asked. “I mean, I’m assuming they didn’t get away. Did you send them to Dashiell’s house?”
I reddened. “No. I messed up.” I told him about Killian shooting Sabine. I was expecting his face to fall, but he just nodded.
“You don’t want to yell at me?” I asked.
“Of course not. I wasn’t there, Scar. I’m not going to second-guess you now.” Then a mischievous smile spread across his face. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Dashiell will yell at you enough for everyone.”