Sensing how bad he was hurting, Shaya wished she wasn’t so messed up. “I’m sorry.”
He held her even tighter to him, giving her a pointed look. “Hey, don’t you dare apologize for what you can’t give me. It’s my own fault anyway.”
“No, it’s not. Even if you had claimed me that very first night we met, this trust issue would still have been there. As if that isn’t bad enough, there’s the fact that dominant/submissive pairs find completing the mating link hard.”
“Only those who believe that a difference in status is a problem and feel that they can’t complement each other. I know you worry I’ll grow to resent that you’re not dominant, but that’s just dumb. I want you exactly as you are. I’ve never seen you as weak. You don’t hold me back in any sense; you make me stronger because you balance me out. And I balance you out.”
“You do?” she said with a smile, amused by the utter confidence in the latter words.
He nodded, nipping her lip. “You’ve always made me think of a butterfly. Vibrant, graceful, colorful. But there’s another reason why you make me think of a butterfly—you’re damn hard to pin down.” She chuckled. “It’s true. I used to watch you, see the way you flitted from place to place and person to person, never still…because you’re trying to live your life for both you and your sister.” He could tell she hadn’t thought of it that way before. He stroked the curls away from her face, cupping her cheek as he softly continued. “You can’t do that, baby. You can use her as motivation, but you can’t live for two people.”
Stunned, Shaya struggled to find words. “I didn’t realize that was what I was trying to do. But you’re right; I was.”
“And if I hadn’t pointed it out, you would probably always have done it. This is what I mean when I say I balance you out. I keep you settled in one place—with me. I anchor you, ground you, make sure you don’t neglect your own needs, stop you from feeling alone, and give you and your wolf the security you need…but I don’t smother you in any way or try to take away your independence in doing that.”
And all of that was exactly what she needed, Shaya knew. “I still can’t believe I hadn’t seen this with Mika before now. It’s not like it’s a little thing.”
“She wouldn’t want you to be doing this, because it would mean you weren’t living a full life.”
It would also mean she and Nick weren’t living a full life together, and that wasn’t acceptable. “I guess, in some ways, I did it because I always felt guilty for being alive when she wasn’t.”
“Your mother made you feel that way, Shay.” He’d happily cut that toxic woman from Shaya’s life if he didn’t think it would hurt her not to give her mother a second chance. “It was wrong of her to do that. But you can’t carry on trying to live for both of you.” Jokingly, he added, “After all, I can’t deal with two mates. One’s enough.”
Narrowing her eyes, Shaya slapped his shoulder and reflexively snapped, “I don’t share.” Realizing how dumb she’d sounded, she groaned inwardly.
“I’m glad to hear it, because neither do I. You’re all I want. And you’re not something I’m prepared to lose. Ever. I already know how it feels to try to live a life without you in it. I don’t want to feel that ever again.”
“You tried to leave me the day you had the memory lapse,” she pointed out.
“Not leave you.” He kissed her lightly. “Protect you, put you first. I’ll always do that.”
“But not by trying to leave me again.” It was half question, half statement.
He shook his head. “No, baby, not that. It might have worked before we’d claimed each other, but it wouldn’t work now. We’re linked, for better or worse.”
“You’re healed,” she insisted, knowing what he meant by “worse.”
He hoped so, because the alternative was that Shaya would spend her life with a mate who didn’t even know who she was. “Come here.” Sliding a hand into her hair, he angled her head and brought his mouth down on hers. The kiss was slow, leisurely, and soft enough to be teasing and make her push for more. It wasn’t long before her claws pricked into his back—a demand for more. As if she quickly understood the demand would only make him prolong the featherlight kiss, she retracted her claws and released a sigh of frustration into his mouth.
“Shh,” soothed Nick. “It’s okay. I have no intention of making you wait.” Not when an attack was looming—it brought with it an acute awareness of the fleeting nature of time. Tucking Shaya’s leg over his hip, he thrust deep inside her. His eyes didn’t leave hers even once as he slowly claimed her all over again with each and every stroke. She clung to him with an almost desperate hold, and he sensed just how worried she was that by holding back from him, she’d drive him away.
He rested his forehead against hers. “Let me ask you something. When you turned psycho on me that first night and bloodied me, did it drive me away? No. When you rejected me over and over, did I leave? No. When you went on a date with that goofy human, did that drive me away? No. I’ve told you from the very beginning that you’ll never make me give you up. Start believing that.”
He kissed her again, hardening his thrusts as if it might just help him get through to her. When she finally came, triggering his own climax, she sank her teeth into his neck in a move that was as possessive as it was a reaffirmation to herself that he was hers. But the possessive bite wasn’t what had his wolf growling in satisfaction a few minutes later. Frowning, Nick fought the sated fog and smiled in both smugness and contentedness as he understood. “Our scents have mixed.” The head leaning on his shoulder suddenly shot up; her expression was pure wonder.
Shaya had been so deep in her dreamy post-orgasmic state that she hadn’t even sensed it. Well that certainly explained why her wolf was so relaxed and tranquil.
Nick tucked a curl behind her ear. “It means the bond is advancing, Shay.”
Maybe it was because they had talked some things through, or maybe it was because she had made the decision to stop clinging to Mika, to let her go, and, as such, it had given Nick the space to burrow deeper inside Shaya than he already was. She wasn’t sure, but she knew one thing. “I find I’m possessive enough to be smug that now everyone will know by just your scent that you’re taken and mine.”