Taryn knew that her method of grieving wasn’t normal, that shutting off from the world around you while your body went on autopilot and you disappeared in your thoughts and memories was not good. It was the same state she had slipped into when her mom and Joey were in the accident. Although she had eventually dug her way out of it, she always tended to retreat whenever it was the anniversary of their death or either of their birthdays. It was just how she coped. The only way she could cope without screaming.
But having Trey around her – someone who frustrated and annoyed the hell out of her and had her wolf all messed up – was threatening the stability of her seemingly indifferent state. All that frustration and annoyance that she had been shoving aside was at risk of bursting out of her. If that happened, she would break. She couldn’t afford to do that.
“Come on, leave those and come sit with me.”
Ignoring him in the hope that he would go away, Taryn continued scrubbing the dishes.
“Taryn, you can’t tell me you’re not upset about something.”
Realising he was closer now, she warned in a low voice, “Back off, Trey.”
“Back off?”
“Yes.”
“You want me to back off?” It was one thing when Trey assumed she just didn’t want to talk about whatever it was that was bugging her, but it was another thing altogether for her to want to freeze him out.
“Yes, I want you to leave me alone. It shouldn’t be too hard. You do it easily enough any other time.”
“Is that what this is about? You’re mad at me for not spending time with you?”
A short humorless laugh escaped her. “Yes because the world revolves around you.”
“Then what is it?”
“Like I said, just back off.”
“I won’t back off. Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
Deep breaths, she told herself. And those deep breaths actually worked. The tension didn’t leave her body, but it eased a little. Until hands wrapped around her middle as a large body pressed against her back and, making it even worse, he whispered into her ear ‘What’s wrong, baby?’
There was that word again! Something inside her snapped. Abruptly she spun, splashing water everywhere. Shocked, Trey jumped back out of the way. “Didn’t I tell you to back off? I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.”
He held his hands up in a calming gesture. “Taryn -”
“Just stay away from me. That’s all I’m asking you to do. It’s something you do every single f**king day so why on this one day that I really need a little alone time am I suddenly of interest to you?!”
“I just want to know what’s wrong.”
“Well that’s tough shit, psycho boy, because I don’t want to talk to you!” Seeing that people were starting to gather was only making her worse. She suddenly felt like a cornered animal, like everyone was taking up her breathing space. Growling, she wiped her hands on the hand towel and then stalked toward the door. The crowd quickly parted, apparently not daring to intervene.
“Where’re you going?”
“Away from you!”
Trey jogged down the tunnel after her. “Oh no, you don’t get to shut me out like this. You’re my mate.”
She pivoted on the spot. “No, I’m not.”
“What did you just say?” he asked softly but in a very dangerous tone.
“We don’t count as mates if you only act like it when it suits you. But, hey, don’t get me wrong – if putting on act for other people is as far as it goes for you, then that’s fine. But don’t you dare throw that ‘you’re my mate’ shit at me when I won’t do what you want!”
He knew she was right, but the denial was automatic. “You are my mate, Taryn.”
“Is it fun in La La Land? It must be, because you go there a lot.” Out of patience, she spun and began stalking away.
“For God’s sake, Taryn, will you stop walking away from me.” Trey honestly wasn’t sure what happened…He’d reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder and then next thing he knew he was flat on his back on the ground and Taryn was snarling down at him. Damn the woman knew some good moves.
“Back. Off,” she growled. She looked up at the others who were slowly edging toward them, their expressions unsure. “All of you back off! I want to be alone!” Then she was striding out the main door, down the mountain, across the small open field and into the forest.
Many times she had gone on a leisurely walk or a run through here with Tao, but never had she gone as far as she intended to go today. Plenty of times she had heard the sound of the river in the distance, had known it was there and known that one day she would really need to go there for some alone time.
The River Kids – that was what her mom and Joey’s mom had called them. Some kids liked beaches, some kids liked swing parks, and she and Joey had liked rivers. No, they’d loved rivers. Loved the sounds, loved the surrounding wildlife, loved paddling in the shallow water and balancing on old tree branches that crossed the expanse of the river. There was something calming about them, she thought. Right now, she needed to calm the hell down.
On eventually reaching the river she found a bolder to perch herself on and took a deep, cleansing, calming breath. Again and again she filled her lungs with the fresh crispy forest air, letting it relax her. The familiar smells of wet earth and pine made her wolf ease a little within her. It was amazing how a place could relax you even as a barrage of sad memories hit you, mused Taryn.
A familiar guttural ‘tock’ sound snagged her attention and made her look to the tree beside her. “Hey LJ,” she said around the frog in her throat. Why the bird followed her around sometimes she had no idea, but that had been another thing that she and Joey used to marvel at together – the way birds were so at ease with her, almost attracted to her.
Hey Joe. I know that I shouldn’t always come to you whenever I need to talk to someone, that I should actually try confiding in people who are alive…but they’d be able to tell me to shut up. And in truth, you’re all I have.
As much as I really like these people here – with the exception of a few, including the evil and very senile version of Yoda – I still don’t feel like I can really talk to them. Not even to say ‘hey I miss my mom’. Actually, no, it’s not that I don’t feel like I can talk to them, it’s that I don’t want to start opening up to them and getting too comfortable here. Snort. Not that there’s really much chance of me getting comfortable with psycho boy around.