“I don’t know if there can ever be an us,” I say, dropping my head.
He sighs. “Neither do I.”
“Marcus?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
Another sigh. “Me too, baby.”
Fuck.
My heart cracks open.
“Marcus?”
He chuckles softly. “Yeah?”
“Can you hold me?”
Silence. Deafening silence.
“Yeah,” he whispers.
I crawl out of the chair and walk over to his bed. I climb in between his legs, tucking my body flush against his. I put my arms around his waist and press my cheek to his chest. It doesn’t take him long to wrap his arms around me, pulling me tight to his body. I breathe him in. I let his body consume mine, and suddenly I don’t feel like life is so bad.
For a second, it feels just how it’s meant to.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
KATIA
He smells like Marcus—masculine, intense, slightly musky. I close my eyes, breathing him in. His fingers glide down my back and it feels so damned good, so damned right. I want to stay here forever, going back to before, back when I was oblivious to the kind of man I’d fallen in love with. Back then things were so much easier. Time was always going to ruin that for me, though.
“Katia?”
I lift my head off his chest with a sigh, and look up. I can feel his breath on my face and suddenly the world seems to go still. I’m moving closer to him, he’s moving closer to me, and everything is quickly spinning out of control. He’s going to kiss me. I’m going to kiss him. This time, it’ll be different. Want to know why? Because this time we both want it, and it’s real.
It’s probably the most real kiss we’ll ever have.
As we inch closer, our breathing becomes ragged and short. I have my hand against his chest and I can feel his heart pounding against my palm. His breaths are still puffing out, warming my cheek. My heart is pounding, my skin is tingling and I’m so damned nervous my stomach is twisting. My eyes flutter closed and he’s so close it feels almost like his lips are touching mine.
“Ma’am?”
We both jerk back as if we’ve been stung. I turn my face away, shame rising in my cheeks. Marcus makes a throaty, disgusted sound. I’m not sure if it’s at me, or the nurse. Either way, my heart drops. I turn to see Penny is still asleep. The nurse comes in. Her face is pinched, her hair up in a tight bun. I know what she’s thinking—she’d be wrong.
“Yes?” I say in a scratchy voice, not bothering to attempt an explanation as to why I was in Marcus’s bed with my lips so close to his we might as well have been kissing.
“It’s time for me to check Penny.”
“Right,” I say, getting up. I sway to the side, exhaustion getting the better of me.
“Hey,” Marcus says, arm snaking around my waist. “Take it easy.”
“Sorry,” I whisper. “Just tired.”
“Then go home. I’ll stay with her.”
I stiffen. He sighs.
“She’s my daughter, Katia. I might be a whole lot of ugly, but that little girl is my beautiful. I’m not going to hurt her in any way; you need to trust that.”
I close my eyes. I know he’s right. He’d never hurt her. Still, leaving her just doesn’t feel natural.
“I don’t feel right leaving her,” I admit.
“Then come back. At least go and shower, have something to eat.”
I can probably do that.
“Okay.”
He lets me go and walks over to the bed, taking the seat beside Penny. She stirs as the nurse starts checking her over. She’s been coughing quite a bit, and upon stirring, it starts again. My heart aches for her. Marcus’s face scrunches up and I can tell he hates it as much as I do. He looks to me and I force a weak smile. “She’ll be okay.”
“She’s responding well,” the nurse says. “Her fever has gone, and it seems like the mucus is moving from her chest.”
“Thank God,” I breathe.
“Go home, have some sleep. She’s doing well, and as long as one of you is here, she’ll be fine.”
I look to Marcus and he’s pleading with his eyes for me to just let him do this. With an exhausted sigh, I say, “I’ll go home, sleep for a few hours. Then I’ll be back.”
“I’ll be right here.”
I walk over to Penny and lean down, brushing my lips across her head. “Mommy will be back soon, baby. I promise.”
I close my eyes, lingering close to her face. I breathe her in, stroke her curls and then stand. Marcus is watching me intensely, but he’s got a softness in his eyes I’ve never seen there before. I give him a weak smile and then leave the hospital, praying I’ve made a good choice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MARCUS
She’s so fucking small.
Her tiny body is curled up in that big bed, a bed that just makes her look so . . . fragile. I didn’t think this through. I didn’t think that maybe she’d wake up and want her momma, and not me. What if she screams? What if she hates me? Something clenches deep in my chest and I find myself pacing the room, waiting for her to wake and crush me.
I can hear her shuffling; she’s been doing that for the last hour. She’s waking, and I know it’s only a matter of time. Her coughing has eased slightly, and I’m grateful for that. The croaky sound had my heart pounding every time it escaped her lips. It fucking burned. I run my fingers through my hair, trying not to think of Katia. Trying to think of here and now.