“Oh, Micah,” I whispered, tears slipping loose. I had so much to apologize for.
It was shitty that it took someone doing the same thing to me for me to truly comprehend how much I’d screwed over my best friend.
Shit.
I pulled out my cell and texted Killian back.
You’re right.
* * *
KILLIAN DIDN’T TEXT BACK.
In fact, I didn’t hear anything from him the next day. Or the one after.
I felt alone again.
And like the apartment was closing in on me. I tried to distract myself with TV and books, but that didn’t work. I attempted to do the one thing that always distracted me: I picked up my damn guitar.
It was too soon.
My wrist throbbed like a motherfucker and I could do nothing but stare at the TV and let the pain settle down. But all that did was lead me to overthink everything. I couldn’t believe I’d compared what Killian was doing to what I’d done to Micah. There was no way I felt for Killian what Micah felt for me.
I wasn’t in love with Killian. I barely knew the guy.
There was some other weird reason why he could hurt my feelings like no other and why finding out he had an unmentioned girlfriend felt like betrayal.
I had a crush.
That was it.
I had a crush because he was an attractive, brooding bastard with a hot accent.
I could get over a crush.
Especially a misplaced crush on a man whose words cut to the quick. A man who pretty much used my issues against me to get me to sign a record deal.
C’mon, let’s face it: Killian O’Dea was the devil, and it was totally messed up to have developed feelings for the guy.
I’d get over it.
But I’d need some distraction to do that.
So I called his sister.
“Ooh, cast-free!” Autumn smiled at the sight of my wrist as she walked into the apartment an hour later. The difference between her and her brother always surprised me. Their childhood had made Killian closed-off and a cold, ambitious dipshit. Yet, Autumn was open and positive and full of light. She hadn’t let the world change her. In a way, she was one of the strongest people I’d ever met. I admired that about her.
That’s why I noticed the way her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Autumn’s smiles always reached her eyes.
I frowned, standing up from the couch as she strode into the kitchen to put the kettle on. “Everything okay?”
She didn’t look at me. “Yes, why?”
“Nothing. You just . . . you seem . . . off?”
Puttering around the kitchen, she chuckled, “I said three words. How can you tell if I’m off?”
“You’re right.” I shrugged. “I’m the one who’s off.”
Autumn whirled around from grabbing milk out of the fridge. “You’re not the only one. I was so glad you called. Killian had me running around doing errands and my God, is that man in a shitty mood.” She shook her head in exasperation as she poured milk into our tea. “I had to have a word with him. If other people want to let him talk to them like that, they can. But no way in hell does he talk to me like that.”
“Good for you.”
“Any idea what’s wrong with him?”
“Nope.”
“Brothers,” she muttered, holding out a mug toward me. As she did so, her sleeve rose up her forearm, revealing a ring of dark bruises that looked like finger marks.
Ugly suspicion took hold. I was a glass-half-empty kind of gal, you know. I took the mug and Autumn dropped her arm out of sight, ignoring my questioning gaze.
Not wanting to scare her off, but feeling my heart rate quicken as worry took root, I sat on the couch as she slid onto a stool at the island.
“So, how’s the boyfriend? What was his name again?”
Was that too obvious?
Autumn looked down into her mug, her expression withdrawn. Again, something highly unusual for her. “Darren. We broke up.”
Why? Because he was leaving bruises on her? Fury heated my blood at the mere thought of anyone hurting Autumn. How could anyone hurt Autumn? She was the sweetest, kindest person on the planet. “Oh.” I struggled to keep emotion out of my tone. “What happened?”
“It didn’t work out.”
“That’s too bad. Why not?”
“Just didn’t.” She slammed the mug down on the island. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Autumn didn’t want to talk about it? Okay. There was definitely something going on. Autumn wanted to talk about everything!
“How’s the album going?” She changed the subject.
“Hmm?”
She smirked. “The album? You know, that thing you and Killian have been working on night and day?”
“Oh. Right. Um . . . yeah, well, I can’t start recording until the wrist is healed enough to play guitar.” I waved it at her. “I tried yesterday and it brought on a world of pain.”
Her eyes brightened with sympathy. “If you were in pain, you should have called.”
“Thanks, but there’s nothing to do about it but take some painkillers and keep doing the wrist exercises the physio told me to do.”
“True.” She stood, kicked off her boots, and curled up on the chair across from me. “So, you went to the label. You met Uncle James.”
“Ah, you heard about that.”
“Eve told me.” Autumn grinned. “She also couldn’t stop talking about how she embarrassed herself by fangirling over you. But she was very proud that she curbed the urge to tell you that you have the most amazing eyes and were so nice. Girl-crush alert.”
I laughed at Autumn’s teasing. “She’s a sweet kid.”
My friend smiled at me quizzically. “Kid? Eve’s twenty-one. She’s only a few years younger than you.”
“She seemed really young. Or maybe I’m an old twenty-four-year-old. I didn’t mean to sound condescending. Eve’s nice.”
“I know. I hired her.” She grinned mischievously.
I burst out laughing. “I knew O’Dea couldn’t have hired her.”
“Well, the man needs to lighten up. I thought Eve would do the trick.”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
Autumn chuckled. “It’s so much fun to finally have someone who enjoys irritating my brother as much as I do.”
“You were never friendly with his girlfriends?” The question popped out before I could filter it.
If she was surprised by it, she didn’t let on. “Not really. Killian chooses to be in relationships with shallow, insipid women because he knows he’ll never get attached to someone like that. That’s why his relationships never last. He’s a workaholic. It always comes first.”
“Is that why he and Yasmin broke up?”
“He told you about Yasmin? Oh, good. I didn’t mention her because he hadn’t mentioned her and I didn’t think she was important. Which was true because it ended. He said she was getting clingy, so he broke it off.” She gazed at me with a knowing gleam in her eyes. “However, I’m pretty sure she wasn’t the reason he broke up with her.”
At Autumn’s insinuation that I was somehow the reason, I decided, just like I’d decided with her brother, that I was done beating around the bush. “He didn’t break up with her because of me. We’re putting out an album together. I’m his golden ticket. Nothing else.”
Her expression fell. “Okay, I’m not liking how bitter you sound.” Understanding dawned on her expression. “And Killian is walking around snapping at everyone like a wounded animal. What happened between you two?”
Just like that, my anger spewed out of me. “I let myself be vulnerable with him. Told him shit I haven’t told anyone. I made the mistake of thinking we were friends.” I twisted my lips in distaste. “He informed me otherwise, and he wasn’t nice about it.”
Fuck.
I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. Christ. You’re his sister. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Anger flushed Autumn’s cheeks. “What is wrong with him? I could slap him silly sometimes!”