“What a prick,” Nick muttered as he put his bottle to his lips and looked out over the barroom with a disturbed frown. Ty didnt comment. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the chair beside Nicks, crossing them at the ankles. One foot rocked slowly as they drank in silence.
“So are you the guy or the girl?” Digger asked abruptly.
Ty barked another laugh, almost snorting beer up his nose. “It doesnt really work that way,” he managed to answer.
“So how does it work?” Kelly asked in his typical soft, amused voice. Ty stared at them for a moment, surprised that not only had they accepted the news fairly easily but seemed to be showing genuine interest.
He shrugged. “Were still dealing with the dynamics,” he said vaguely. He had never been a kiss-and-tell type of guy, regardless of who hed been with. They knew that. They werent asking about sex. They were asking about the relationship itself in the only way they knew how, and Ty had no answers for them.
“He seems like the „get on your knees, bitch type of guy,” Digger grumbled under his breath. Ty nearly snorted beer up his nose again. He coughed and sputtered as Nick smacked his back repeatedly, laughing heartily. Ty closed his eyes and felt himself blushing as they continued on with the conversation. Did it bother him that they now knew he liked to get on his knees and be fucked until he screamed? A little. He had always been their go-to guy, the brawn on point, the guy they knew they could throw at anything and hed go in swinging. Why did his being gay have to mar that tough-guy personality?
Ty didnt know. But in his mind, it did, to an extent. He supposed that was his own problem, though. Or societys problem. He shook his head, concentrating instead on the flood of relief. Not only was it a relief that his closest friends had, for the most part, accepted the news with grace and ease, it was also a relief simply to have told them. To this point, the only people whod known he was bisexual and leaned toward favoring men were his brother and any man he happened to be fucking. It was an intense relief to just say the words. Come out, as it were.
Nicks hand stayed on Tys shoulder, as if silently offering support. Ty glanced at him, meeting his eyes briefly and nodding in thanks. How Nick knew it was difficult for him to do, Ty couldnt guess.
The conversation soon turned back to darts, beer, and the pretty little waitress they were intent on someone banging before the night was over. But despite the easy acceptance of three of his oldest buddies, Ty couldnt shake the ache of betrayal hed felt when Owen had stormed out the door. It had hurt, as Ty had known it would. That pain and the unreasonable embarrassment were two reasons hed kept it under wraps for so long even after being discharged from the Corps.
Digger and Kelly got up to go for one more round of darts, and Nick scooted his chair closer to Ty, leaning toward him to speak in low tones. “Tell me about Garrett,” he requested as he leaned his arms on the table.
Ty shrugged uncomfortably. “You met him,” he responded defensively.
“Yeah. And I gotta say, Ty, I thought you had better taste,” Nick whispered disapprovingly. “He better be a phenomenal lay.” Ty snorted and shook his head. Zane hadnt made much of an impression on these boys, mostly because hed been sedate and blind and having a spectacularly shitty week. But then, they hadnt been looking at him as a man, plain and simple. They had been judging him as someone who had to watch Tys back. They were judging him from the eyes of Recon. Man versus Recon—the two were entirely different categories. Just because Ty trusted Zane implicitly didnt mean they did or ever would.
“Hes a good guy,” Ty found himself saying. “Hes having a rough month.”
“Yeah, the blind thing,” Nick said dubiously. Ty looked at him and tried to tell himself not to get defensive. He was not responsible for Zanes behavior, nor was he responsible for how other people thought of him.
He found himself fiddling with the USMC signet ring on his finger. “So let me get this straight. You told the guy you loved him, and he didnt say anything in response?” Nick asked, offended, as he saw that Ty was growing twitchy. “He just… blew it off?”
“Pretty much,” Ty said under his breath. He took a gulp of his beer to cover his gut reaction to the memory. He couldnt help but blush and wince. Hed made such a damn fool of himself. Hed been sure Zane wasnt in love with him when he said it. Hed been sure he wouldnt get a response in kind. At the time hed have preferred Zane laugh in his face than just let it slide. It wasnt until weeks later that Ty had realized that Zane was still just processing and analyzing, his brain churning to catch up with his heart and what his actions were already saying loud and clear.
“So is he just fucking around with you?” Nick asked curiously. “In it cause youre a well-practiced screw?” Ty glanced at him and shook his head. Zane had never made any secret of the fact that he was in it at least partially for the sex. At first they both had been. “Quit being nosy, OFlaherty,” he chastised, hating that the questions made him uncomfortable. He muttered under his breath. “Irish bastard.”
“Thats a yes,” Nick huffed as he sat back. “Is it monogamous on his part?” Ty licked his lips and glanced at Nick again, wondering just how much his friend really wanted to know. “Yeah. At least I hope it is, because weve been going without condoms for months.”
“Oh God, Ty,” Nick groaned as he ran his hand through his hair. Ty closed his eyes and let his head fall back with a sigh, but he couldnt help but smile. “I know.” It really was a departure from anything hed ever done, trusting someone so much. It was a step to a new person, a step Ty didnt mind taking. But sitting here with Nick, it brought into stark contrast the differences in the person he had been and the person he was now. Sometimes he missed the man hed been ten years ago. That Ty had been an utter badass. But that was about the only good thing that could be said for the man hed been then.
“Youre just hanging around, hoping he falls for you?” Nick asked, a combination of pity and amazement in his voice. Ty nodded, unashamed, spinning his ring over and over around his finger. He didnt even have to think about his answer, although it wasnt exactly accurate. Zane had already fallen. Ty was just waiting until Zane was done running all the scenarios and crunching all the numbers.
Nick sat back with a small sigh. “Well, Im sort of happy for you,” he hedged. He reached out and petted Ty on the head for lack of anything better to do, and they both laughed and clinked their glasses together at the absurdity of it.
Ty was down to his last mouthful of beer when Nick finally spoke again. “Youre a big ol screaming bottom, arent you?” he asked Ty with certainty.
Ty choked on the beer hed been drinking. He lurched out of his seat to lean over the table and spit the mouthful of beer onto the floor before it went up his nose. Nick was laughing at him as he coughed and sputtered. He slapped Ty on the back and they both began laughing raucously.
“Ill get you another beer,” Nick told him, snickering as he headed toward the bar.“Christ,” Ty hissed as he ran his hand over his face. Nick knew him far too well. A couple of hours later, Nick was well into double digits, and Digger and Kelly had already stumbled off to find a cab and possibly kill Owen if they could find him. Ty was going slower, mostly because he wanted to be able to walk home tonight, but also because the more Nick talked, the angrier Nick got. And Ty was thinking he might have to drag him out and tie him down to keep him from violence before the night was over.
“Whyd it take you so long to tell me?” Nick asked him after a random ten-minute rant about the Red Sox that almost caused a fight with some guy in an Orioles T-shirt.
Ty glanced at him in surprise. He felt foolish now for keeping it a secret all these years, but no one could predict how a loved one would react to such a surprise. He tried to think of a way to put it in terms Nick could understand while blazed.
“Imagine if… I had told you I was a closet Yankees fan,” he told Nick with a smile. “How would you have reacted?” “That shits not funny, Ty. Youre not serious, right? I thought you grew up on Atlanta! How do you go over to the dark side just out of the blue!” Nick asked in true horror.
Ty laughed. “See? There was always the chance you might react that way,” he said as he finished the last beer he planned to drink tonight. “It was a scary prospect.”
Nick stared at him for a long moment. “But youre not really a Yankees fan, right?” he finally asked carefully.
Ty smiled and shook his head. “Shit, man,” Nick muttered. He threw back his bottle, emptying it and setting it down on the table between them with a loud clank. “Dont scare me like that.”
Ty grinned and rested his head on his hand.
“You havent told anyone else, have you?” Nick asked him suddenly.
Ty glanced at him, only to find Nick looking at him sadly. Ty shook his head. Nick slammed his hand down on the table, rattling the bottles and causing one to tip over and roll toward the edge. Ty grabbed for it but missed it as it fell to the floor. It bounced noisily but didnt shatter. Nick didnt even bother trying to be discreet as he stood up.
“Thats not fucking right, Ty,” he railed angrily. “You shouldnt have to be afraid to tell anyone who you are or who youre in love with.”
“O, calm down,” Ty urged quietly as he stood and put one hand on Nicks shoulder. “You know what? You fought and almost died for your country,” Nick continued, undaunted. “What they did to us out there? What happened to us when that helo went down was—”
“Okay, were leaving,” Ty said firmly. He took the beer from Nicks hand and dug around for his wallet. “You put away killers every day for a living,” Nick continued with a point of his finger in Tys face. Ty resisted the urge to reach up and grab his hand so he wouldnt get poked in the eye. “If you have to hide who you are from your closest friends, then fuck the world, man. Its not fair,” Nick spat with a wave of his hand that almost turned into a backhand as Ty quickly leaned away.
“You are a hot mess, man. How many have you had?” Ty asked with a snort as he reached out and grabbed Nicks elbow to steady him. He slapped a few bills on the table and waved at the waitress to let her know they were leaving.
“And you know what else?” Nick went on without answering. Ty began to lead him toward the door, his arm around him to guide him. “This Garrett character? Hes lucky to have a guy like you for a partner, much less have you in love with him. He cant find it in himself to return the feeling? Cant even fucking fake it for you? Well, fuck him too!”
Ty cleared his throat and tightened his grip on Nicks shoulders, pulling him closer in case he decided to continue ranting and get louder. They didnt want any trouble from the irate Orioles fans. “I think we need to take a little walk home,” he muttered as they stepped out the door into a brisk wind off the harbor. They turned toward Fleet Street, cursing at the cold. But it was only a four-block walk, and Ty wasnt exactly worried about the two of them being mugged.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried hard not to think about anything as he and Nick started off. He wasnt sure what bothered him more, that Owen was so utterly disgusted and pissed off because he was in love with a guy, or that his talk with Nick had left his best friend with all this anger and worry over his relationship with Zane. Nick wasnt the first person to question it. Deuce had repeatedly expressed his concerns: what would happen when one or both of them got tired of the other, what would happen when someone got their heart broken? Except Deuce had been worried about Zanes heartbreak. Nick seemed to think it would be Tys, in the end.
As they were passing the darkened side of the Broadway Market building, Nick suddenly reached out and took Tys shoulder. “Ty,” he said urgently. Ty turned to look at him in bemusement, expecting more drunken rambling. Or, God forbid, another near-breach of national security. But despite the ranting, Nicks green eyes were clear and his voice sounded steady. Ty realized he wasnt sloppy drunk, after all. Not impossibly so, anyway. But Ty couldnt quite decipher the look in his friends eyes. There was sadness there, and anger. And something else he didnt think hed ever seen. Longing.
“I wish youd trusted me with this earlier,” Nick muttered to him. “If Id known, all those years….” He opened his mouth to say more, then closed it again with a frustrated sigh. Before Ty really registered what was happening, Nick had taken his shoulders in both hands and was kissing him soundly, right there on the street in the middle of Fells Point.
Ty flailed, gripping Nicks elbows for lack of a better place to put his hands. His natural instinct was to pull him closer and deepen the kiss, but this was Nick! This was perhaps his oldest and dearest friend, kissing him without a hint of warning. The most disconcerting thing of all, though, was that it wasnt Zane pressed against him. Ty found himself returning the kiss tentatively, regardless, as Nick held him tightly and pushed him against the brick wall behind him. Guilt and shock warred for priority over the pleasure of a really amazing kiss in the brief seconds it took for it to end.
Nick abruptly stepped away from him, inhaling sharply. Ty found himself gaping at the man, unsteady as he leaned against the wall and unable to speak or even breathe.
“You ever get tired of waiting for him to come to his senses, you know where to find me,” Nick told him breathlessly.
“Nick,” Ty whispered in supreme confusion.
“Im sorry. That was a shitty thing to do,” Nick muttered. He put his head down and started walking.
Ty stared after him for a moment before lurching forward to go after him. “I should probably go back to the hotel instead of… you know, home with you,” Nick said as soon as Ty caught up to him. He was holding out a hand at the row of taxis waiting to take people home when the bars closed down. One of them turned on its lights and began rolling forward.