I shook my head, dislodging his hold. “I can’t.”
Disbelief quickly turned to frustration. “If it’s because of how I treated you, or about Nicolette, I promise you she and I aren’t together. And I won’t see her again. As for how I treated you, it fucking guts me to remember. I promise that will never happen again. Never. Please say you understand.”
“I do understand. It’s not about that or Nicolette.” I brushed my fingers along his cheek, feeling the familiar bristle. “This isn’t punishment, Aidan. I would never want to punish you. I just can’t be with you. I’m not her anymore. I’m not the girl you cared about. I have a good life now and things are the way they’re supposed to be.”
Before Aidan could speak, the driver announced impatiently, “Look, I can’t sit here all bloody night.”
It was then I realized we were at Fountainbridge and probably had been a while.
Aidan shot him a glower and then turned it on me. “You need time to think.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Then I need you to take time to think.”
“I don’t need time,” I insisted and said to the driver, “Sighthill.”
The driver nodded and looked at Aidan expectantly.
My disgruntled Scot whipped out his wallet and handed the driver enough money to cover the entire car journey. “Aidan—”
“This isn’t over, Pixie,” he said, exasperated, as he threw open the cab door and got out.
I tried and failed not to look back at him as the taxi pulled away into traffic. My whole body hummed with nervous energy and I knew I wouldn’t sleep tonight.
Because Aidan Lennox had said those words to me before and the determined, beautiful man meant them then—and I knew he meant them now.
“Well, I’m no’ sure I should let ye in wi’ a face like thunder.” Roddy braced his arm across the doorway of Seonaid’s flat.
“A face like thunder?” I pointed to my face. “This is not thunder. This is … irritated confusion.”
“Either way, yer claws are oot and I like ma woman’s face the way it is, thank ye very much.”
“Roddy, get out of my way.”
“Who is it?” Seonaid’s voice sounded distant, suggesting she was in the sitting room.
Roddy frowned at me. “Whit has she done now?”
“Meddled.”
Sighing heavily, he stood aside and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “I couldnae settle doon wi’ a quiet wee lass wi’ nae pals.”
Ignoring his teasing, I brushed past him and wandered down the hallway to the sitting room. I found Seonaid sitting at the dining table using her laptop. She twisted in her seat and smiled at my appearance. “Hey, babe, this is a nice surprise.”
Ugh, she made it so hard to be pissed at her.
I dumped my bag on the floor and flopped down in an armchair. “You meddled.”
Her eyes grew round. “Did he come see you?”
“Did who come see whit?” Roddy asked, coming into the room.
Seonaid waved her hand dismissively. “Too long to explain. Why don’t you make us all a cuppa?”
“I’m watching the fitbaw.” He pointed to the TV where he had a soccer game on pause.
“It’ll be here when you’re done.”
He looked between us and rather than leaving, he sat down on the couch and waited expectantly for me to speak.
Seonaid, uncaring that Roddy was being nosy, hurried over to me, settling down on the couch at the end nearest to me. “Well?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think I should be a little angry that you went behind my back and told Aidan the truth?”
My friend shook her head. “Absolutely not. You no longer have dead eyes so I’m going to be able to live with my decision.”
“Meddler.”
“Well?”
“Well what? Thanks to you, I’ve got a sexy-ass Scotsman determined to pick things up where we left them.”
“Yay!” She clapped her hands in delight, and then sobered so quickly it was comical. “He was pretty shell-shocked after I told him and he didn’t want to believe it. But I guess he confronted that bampot and she fessed up?”
“Laine fessed up. And like I said, now he’s all about ‘starting over.’ Thanks, Seonaid. This is just what I need.”
“This is just what you need,” she argued. “I got to spend half an hour with that man and bloody hell, Nora he’s lethal! Why would you want to resist that?”
I glared at her. “I told you why!”
“You’re happy with your life the way it is and blah, blah, blah.”
“Nice.”
“Look, your life is good. I couldn’t be happier that you finally got over yourself and started giving yourself the life you deserve.”
“Again … nice.”
She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, in my eyes, deliberately not making an attempt to start over with Mr. I’m So Fucking Hot Eyes Burn Just Looking at Me is doing the opposite of giving yourself the life you deserve.”
“It’s not. I’m protecting the life I’ve built. Aidan makes me messy and confused and emotional and wrecked. Absolutely wrecked. I’m not going back there.”
“So you told him no and he’s gone?”
I thought of the determined expression on his face before he got out of the taxi. “No. He said, ‘This isn’t over.’”
A huge smile spread across her pretty face but I glared at it sullenly. She didn’t get it.
“Mr. I’m So Fucking Hot Eyes Burn Just Looking at Me?” Roddy queried.
His girlfriend took in his look of disgruntlement. “Oh, don’t worry, gorgeous, he’s her man.”
“He’s not my man. He’s not my anything.”
“Totally her bloke.”
“Seonaid—”
“But ye found him hot?” Roddy persisted.
“I have eyes.”
Used to them winding each other up but too tired to play referee, I stood and grabbed my bag. “Okay, I’m out. Bye, guys.”
Roddy gave me a chin nod, but Seonaid followed me into the hall. She pulled the front door open and stopped me. “You’re not really mad at me, are you?”
“You make it really hard to be mad at you.”
She hugged me tight. “I want you to have everything good in the world.”
“Which is why I’m not mad at you.”
When she finally let me go, she said, “I still think letting Aidan back into your life isn’t going to be the catastrophe to your well-being that you think. Things are different now.”
“I hear you and so noted. But I’ve made my decision and I really need you to support me.”
“I’ll always support you. Only… don’t be a daft bampot, Nora. When that man found out it was all a misunderstanding, that you were an injured party in all of this too, I saw the pain it caused him. Whatever you do … try not to cause him anymore pain.”
“Right, people, from the top!” Quentin called.
I sat in the audience, no schoolwork with me, and watched as Jack and Terence took to the stage to rehearse act one, scene one.
“‘If music be the food of love, play on,’” Aidan’s scrumptious, deep voice rumbled in my ear, making me jolt. I shivered at his hot breath on my skin as he continued, “Is it, Pixie?”
“Is it what?” I whispered.
He leaned further forward in the seat behind me and I felt his fingers in my hair. “Is music the food of love?”
“No,” I decided.
“Damn. That would’ve made things easier for me.”
I turned to look at him and whispered, “I thought you were leaving me alone?”
For the past week, it had certainly seemed that way. After he’d gotten out of the cab, I hadn’t heard a word from him. Seonaid tentatively asked about him when we were out at lunch, but I honestly had nothing to report. It was a relief to not have to deal with him, to not have to explain to a man I cared about that I was planning on being selfish; that when I said I didn’t want to start anything new with him, it was because I was protecting my future happiness.