Oh, this was just getting better and better. Ulean had really set me up. "So we go walking into the shadow and we might not come back. And there could be nasty critters. Can we fight them while we're there? You said we couldn't fight from the astral."
"We can't--not anything on the physical plane. But yes, we can defend ourselves against anything that's out on the Dreamtime. That is, if we're stronger than they are. Chances of that aren't very good." He gave me a quasi-grin. "You still want to come with?"
"Maybe . . ." Only I didn't. But Ulean thought it was a good idea and she'd never steered me wrong yet. "You mentioned something about if the spell is negated . . . what happens then?"
"Then we run like hell. If we can. If the spell's disrupted--whether by accident or design--we appear in body wherever we're at. In other words, if we're hiding out near the ceiling over a group of hungry Shadow Hunters and someone negates the spell, our bodies will resolidify and we'll fall right into the middle of the group. And probably land very, very hard. This isn't easy. Dreamwalking is dangerous." He lowered himself to a nearby windfall and leaned his elbows on his knees, whistling softly.
I glanced at the Twin Oaks. If we went through in body and there were Vampiric Fae on the other side, we were doomed. We'd never get away from them. And nothing Grieve--or anybody--could do, would save our butts.
"Okay, I'm in! Let's do this!" I sucked in a deep breath. "Rhiannon, Leo, you guys need to hide--and I mean hide but good. Whatever happens, don't come after us. If we don't come back--"
"Don't say that!" Rhiannon bit her lip, on the verge of tears.
"If we don't come back," I said again, with emphasis, "then get your butts out of this wood, tell the vamps what happened to me, and don't look back. Get out of town before nightfall."
Leo slid his arm around Rhiannon's shoulders. "Please rethink this. We can't afford to lose either of you."
"With a little luck and some common sense, you won't have to," Kaylin said. "But Cicely's right. This is our best chance to find out what's going on in there. We won't stay long, just get the lay of the land so we know what we're facing, and then come back. We won't take any unnecessary risks, will we?" He looked at me, pointedly.
I shrugged. "I wasn't planning on it, no. I'm not a lunatic. But Ulean thinks I should go with you, and she's usually spot-on. I've come to trust her over the years--she's saved my butt more than once."
"Then let's do it," Kaylin said. "Get ready to walk into the shadows. It's a cold, dark journey, and there's nothing quite like it in the world."
Chapter 16
"You'll have to lie in my arms," Kaylin said. When I stared at him, a faint grin on my face, he shook his head, his dark hair swinging around his shoulders. "No, it's nothing like that. I need to be holding you in order to help you shift over with me."
"I kind of thought that's what you meant." I decided not to make him blush any more than he was. If we weren't in the situation we were in, it might be fun to make him blush but I reined in that thought for later.
Kaylin lay down on the ground, on his back. He held his arm out and I snuggled against him. It was an odd feeling, cuddling up against a strange man. But somehow, he felt comfortable and safe and I actually relaxed as he rolled over to face me and wrap his other arm around my shoulders, too.
"Don't be frightened," he said, his breath warm and minty against my face. "First, you'll feel a shimmering inside your body--I can't explain it, but like . . . like . . . when you see the lines fluttering on the TV--bad reception. Then you'll feel like you're starting to float. Keep calm. I'll have hold of you; I won't let anything happen."
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded, closing my eyes. I wasn't sure I was ready to see my body turn to vapor. Or shadow. Or anything resembling a nonsolid gas. I could deal with the concept, but to actually witness it might be more than I was up for.
"Keep breathing," Kaylin said. "Don't hold your breath. When we're dreamwalking we don't need to breathe so try not to panic if you notice you're not." He paused. "I still don't think this is such a great idea but here we go. Ready?"
I nodded, forcing myself to inhale-exhale as though I had just laid down to take a nap. Kaylin began to chant, something low and deep and almost out of the range of my hearing. Within seconds, he went from being a geeky cute goth guy to radiating a power that felt far, far older than me. I fought to keep my eyes closed, wanting to look at him.
And then, my body started to melt.
It began at someplace in my third chakra--just above my solar plexus. A wave of water ran through me, emanating from that one spot, undulating through muscle and bone, blood and vein, like concentric ripples on a pond. My body was melting like liquid silver, like the Wicked Witch of the West, like the second Terminator dissembling.
Keep calm, focus on the feeling of Kaylin's arms around you.
But Kaylin's arms were melting, too, mingling with the quivering pool that was my body. We were separate and yet linked, blending and yet two distinct beings. And then, the rippling spread out to my hands and feet, fingers and toes, and my flesh swelled and fell away as I felt myself diffuse and spread out. That was all it took for panic to set in.
What's happening? I'm breaking up!
Calm yourself. Kaylin's whispering thoughts found their way into mine. As long as I brought you across, I can communicate with you. You're fine. This is just the process of becoming shadow. Only another minute or two and we'll be fully on the astral.
A gentle breeze blew over my melting form. And I am here.
Instead of hearing Ulean's voice on the wind, it rang through my . . . head? Mind, I suppose. Instinct taking over, I tried to breathe but there was no breath, no air to comfort me. Reeling, I turned head over heels, lost in the pull of the astral current that rose up to surround us.
I can't breathe!
You don't need to. Don't think about it. Focus on my voice. Focus on your senses--can you see anything?
See anything? I didn't have eyes--wait. There was a light. Maybe just the sensation of light, but somehow I was aware of it. And then, I felt something shift and realized I'd just blinked. I glanced down and saw myself in silhouette, a shadow against the astral world in which we were standing. It was me, but in smoke and vapor, without distinct features. I held up my hands in wonder.
"I look like . . . wow . . . I'm not sure what." A cutout of a paper doll? My shadow, run off by its lonesome?
"You look fine--you're exactly as you should be."
Kaylin's words were more distinct. I wasn't hearing them--not with my ears--but they felt less intermingled with my own thoughts now. I looked around and there in the shadows next to me, I saw Kaylin--or rather, Kaylin's shadow.
A thought struck me. If I could see him, maybe that meant . . . I slowly turned to my right. There, in a cloud of mist and sparkles--faint cerulean with diamond dust sparkling in the midst--swirled Ulean. She was not female per se, but a vague bipedal form caught in the middle of an ever-spinning vortex.
My gods, you're beautiful! I couldn't stop staring at her.
Thank you, my friend. I'm so happy you can finally see me.
"We'd better get going," Kaylin said, and I realized he'd missed my exchange with the Elemental. So even here, he couldn't hear her. But . . .
"Can you see Ulean?" I motioned toward the mist and vapor that was my wind Elemental.
He stared for a moment, then slowly inclined his head. "Faintly, but there's static. Perhaps it's because I'm not attuned to the wind."
He's not bonded with me. Only you can see me clearly here. And only you--or those I choose to--can hear me.
"Got it." I figured the answer worked for both of them. "What now?"
Kaylin pointed ahead. I followed his gesture and there saw a pair of what looked like beacons, lit up brighter than the Space Needle on New Year's. As I gazed at them, the shapes began to sink through and I realized what they were.
"The Twin Oaks!"
"Yes. If they were just ordinary trees, you wouldn't be seeing them nearly so well. They'd be lit up, yes, as with the auras of all living things, but not like this. Look around. Really try to focus because so much out here depends on learning to open your mind in order to see more than one dimension at once."
Once again I tried to breathe and panicked briefly as no air flowed into or out of my lungs. I caught myself and let my fear settle.
"What am I looking for?"
"Think of Rhiannon and Leo. Then look for them."
I brought Rhiannon's face to mind. Her smile, her red braid, the sparkle in her eyes . . . then I thought of Leo and--
"Whoa . . . there they are!"
Not two yards from where we stood, I could see them, vague and indistinct but their auras shone like the neon of a bar sign. Leo's was green, steady and brilliant. But Rhiannon's aura crackled, her energy looking tight--as if she had clamped restraints on it. Flaring like sunspots, it tried to break free time and again and was yanked back to meld again into her body. The tension was palpable, as if she were wrestling with a nest of writhing snakes.
"Shit . . . she's going to explode someday and it's not going to be long. Look at that--she's got so much repressed energy that it will eat her alive if she doesn't do something soon."
Kaylin nodded. "We have to take her in hand, help her overcome her fear of the fire. She could burn up with that much repressed force."
Spontaneous combustion. The thought ran through my head with alarming clarity and I could so easily see her setting herself up for it. Surely she could feel the power shifting, though? Or had she blocked any natural connection out of fear she'd misuse it again? One way or another, we had to help her find balance.
"How are you doing? Think you're ready to go check on the Barrow, or do you need another moment to adjust?" Kaylin--or the inky black shape that passed for him--leaned against a splotch that I finally realized was a boulder back in the physical plane.
I gauged my comfort level. I still felt misty and oddly at loose ends, but I had gotten over my fear of not breathing, and the shapes on the astral were becoming clearer and more defined to my new eyes.
"I think I'm ready. What do we do? And how will we know if they see us?" I tested out my footing on the ground. Dreamwalking felt kind of what I always imagined bouncing around on the surface of the moon might feel like.
"If we fall into a field that negates the magic, we'll know all too well. The question is: Will they have any seers capable of ferreting out astral entities? Essentially, psychic spies? That's our biggest worry, providing the magic holds. Just keep your eyes and ears open. Focus on the person you want to hear and tune in that way."
He motioned to me and we headed toward the Twin Oaks. A nervousness settled in my solar plexus. It was odd not to feel my body. Was this what it felt like to be an Elemental? Never solid, but instead made of shadow-stuff?
We neared the oaks and the energy between them crackled, lightning bolts in miniature flaring between the trunks. The trees were ancient, with swirling rings in their aura. They were old past counting and their roots ran deep into the world, their veins glowing beneath the surface. They burrowed down--foot after foot the sparkling anchors delved through the soil. They had been alive and growing long before my ancestors set foot on this land.
The energy flowing between the trunks set up a grid of sparkling lines through which we had to pass. I sucked in my breath and wondered if the portal would knock us off the astral, or if it was simply a gateway.
Kaylin paused. "Let me go first. If something happens, then you run like hell and ask your Elemental to escort you to the nearest dreamwalker to see if they will take you back over to the physical side."
"Won't this just wear off?" I blinked. "I thought there was a time limit on the spell?"
"Theoretically. In practice, I don't know." He shrugged. "Here goes nothing. I'll cross over, then return for you if everything's okay." Before I could say a word, he passed through the portal--and in the glare of smoke and mirrors was gone from sight.
I waited, watching the portal. If I'd been able to breathe, I would have been holding my breath but barring that, I counted seconds. Of course, on the astral--as in the realm of Fae--time ran differently. We could be out here for days and only minutes would pass in the physical world, or vice versa. Still no sign of Kaylin. Where the fuck was he, and what was I going to do if he didn't come back?
I was about ready to follow him--he didn't really think I was going to run off and leave him there if something happened, did he?--when there was a shimmer between the oaks and he reappeared, motioning to me.
I hurried over to his side, Ulean following me in her cloud of starstuff.
"Is it safe?"
Kaylin nodded. "For now, at least. But we were right to worry. There's a group of the Indigo Court Fae near the mound. I don't think they can see us. Let's get our butts over there before that changes."
He grabbed my hand and the smoke of his hand mingled together with mine to form an odd merging of our bodies. It was as if we were conjoined twins, bound by our fingers.
"Hold on to me when we go through the portal. It's a little freaky."
Without any further warning, he dragged me between the Twin Oaks, and I went flying along behind him as he leapt through. The crackle of energy rattled me, disrupting my entire system.
"Crap! Is this what it feels like to be a live wire?" The words jolted out of my mouth as we exited the other side.