‘It’s all right!’ said Issy quickly. Helena’s ability to talk freely and enthusiastically about poo might, she supposed, be considered absolutely cool and normal in her parenting group, but Issy still found it a bit alarming.
Helena swerved round the corner and shook her head.
‘I can’t understand why you aren’t excited,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine waking up one day normally then suddenly getting whisked off for free to New York. I mean, I have to look after Chadani every day … FOR EVER.’
‘But you love doing that,’ said Issy.
‘You love eating cupcakes, but you don’t eat them every day … Hmm, bad example,’ said Helena.
Issy sighed. ‘Actually,’ she said, ‘I hoped you’d understand. Everyone else thinks I should be over the moon to be going away, and I feel like the most ungrateful, selfish person on earth.’
Helena grinned, before fiercely flicking a V at a lorry driver. Issy didn’t think he’d done anything wrong; it was just habit.
‘What’s the matter, it’s not a posh enough hotel?’
Issy grinned back. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s just … you know, the Cupcake Café is my baby.’
‘Smells better than mine,’ said Helena.
Issy looked at her curiously. It was very unlike Helena to talk in anything other than glowing terms about motherhood.
‘What’s up?’ she said.
Helena let out a big sigh. ‘Do you know how many hours junior doctors work?’
‘Lots?’ asked Issy.
‘All of them!’ said Helena. ‘So it’s just me and Chadani cooped up in that crappy little flat all day …’
Issy bit her tongue.
‘Then he comes home and he’s knackered and has to study and we have to be quiet and all he wants to do is sleep and he thinks my life is very easy but all I get to do is change the baby and take her out for walks which is oh my God so boring, I just push a pram about all the time and no one will talk to me because apparently a pram makes you invisible and all the other mothers go on about their kids all the time and it’s so boring and I miss my life.’
Helena stopped suddenly and took a deep breath as if she’d surprised herself by what she’d said.
‘I love Ashok and I love Chadani Imelda,’ she said fiercely. ‘Don’t get me wrong. I love them more than anything.’
Issy felt horribly guilty. She should have listened more, been around more for Helena. She hadn’t thought motherhood made you lonely – how could it when there was someone new in your life? – but maybe it did.
‘Why didn’t you say?’ she said. ‘You always seemed so happy.’
‘I am happy!’ said Helena in anguish. ‘I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. My stupid brain is just taking a bit of time to realise it. And whenever I try and see you, you’re so busy and professional and successful and doing nine things at once and it’s taken me three hours to leave the house and wipe banana off the walls, so I just think what could I possibly have to talk to you about, when you’re jetting off on the spur of the moment to New York like a model or something.’
‘You can talk to me about anything!’ said Issy. ‘Except Chadani’s poo, I don’t like that.’
There was a pause, then Helena burst out laughing.
‘I’ve missed you,’ she said. ‘I really have. I just didn’t know how to talk to you any more.’
‘Well I’ve missed you too, so much,’ said Issy. ‘I have plenty of people I work with, and I have Austin, when he’s not on the other side of the world, but I really really need my friend.’
‘Me too,’ said Helena.
‘So aren’t you going back to work?’ ventured Issy. ‘You love your job so much.’
Helena sighed. ‘Well, Ashok and I felt it was so important for Chadani Imelda’s first years …’
Issy shot her a look.
‘Am I going on about “what’s best for baby” again?’
Issy nodded vigorously.
‘Sorry. I got into the habit at my mothers’ group. So much for the sisterhood. It’s like The Apprentice in there, but with breast pumps.’
She reflected.
‘I mean, obviously I’m winning, but it takes a lot of effort. There’s masses of puréeing and stuff.’
‘So?’
‘Oh fuck, yes, as soon as I possibly can. I am totally bored off my fucking tits. Also I need gin.’
Issy nodded. ‘We do. We need to go out and get some gin.’
‘We should,’ said Helena. ‘But you’re leaving the country.’
‘Yes,’ said Issy. ‘I shall return with duty-free gin.’
‘Well, I am envious,’ said Helena. ‘But I do understand. And I would say, enjoy it as much as you can. December in New York – amazing! Forget all the other stuff. You and Austin will sort it. You’re both reasonable people. Love will find a way.’
‘Hmm,’ said Issy. ‘I will just have to try and remember the difference between compromise and giving up everything for a chap. My mother would be horrified.’
Helena smiled. ‘And she spent a year in a nudist colony.’
‘Please don’t remind me about that again. Please please please please.’
‘The photo Christmas card was my favourite.’
‘Stop it! Stop it!’
When they arrived at Heathrow, Helena got out and even ignored – for five seconds – Chadani’s cross mewling noises to give Issy a huge hug, which Issy returned with gusto.
‘Now don’t start buying too many presents for Chadani,’ she said sternly.
‘Sssh!’ said Helena. ‘She still believes in Santa Claus.’
Darny slouched out of the car.
‘Have you got a hug goodbye for your auntie Helena?’
Darny regarded her. ‘I wouldn’t feel comfortable embracing you at this point,’ he said.
Helena shot Issy a look. ‘Good luck,’ she said.
‘Thank you!’ trilled Issy. ‘Come on, Darny, shall we go see Austin?’
Darny shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’d have been all right in the house by myself.’
‘Of course you would,’ said Issy. ‘Right up to the catastrophic fire at five past four. Come on!’