“I’m not most girls,” I grumbled. I bent over to pick up my books that were strewn in a messy pile at my feet and Ryder held out my pen to me, waiting for me to stand up again.
I heard him mumble, “That is the truth,” under his breath and I whipped up into standing to launch a full-fledged attack on him when I found him grinning at me, completely disarming my intentions. “It’s supposed to be healthy…. like good for me. I was told that it would reduce my uh…. issues with my hair. I’m starting to think the girl who cuts it might actually hate me though.”
It took me until the word “hair” to realize we were talking about his shampoo again and not my issues. When I finally caught up to the conversation I couldn’t stop myself from laughing again. Real laughter, the kind that expanded in my lungs and bubbled out of my mouth like a fountain. The expansion in my chest felt foreign and underused and my lungs ached with the effort, but in a good way…. a really good way.
“Your hair is kind of awful, actually,” I admitted lightly. My fingers were tangled through his coarse locks before I knew what I was doing. My hand slid through his thick, unruly hair, brushing it back from his forehead and testing the rough, bristly texture between my fingertips.
“What?” He gasped with faux defensiveness, his eyes going wide with pretend horror. “You’re not turned on by the sexy bed head look?” He leaned forward and shook his head roughly so that my fingers fell from his hair, displaced and instantly missing the touch.
I only had a second to take in my feelings though when he lifted his head and was just inches from me, closer than we were before…. closer than we had ever been. “I had no idea you were so vain,” I whispered, trying to find the good natured humor that was with us seconds ago.
“I’m not vain,” he narrowed his eyes, but didn’t put any more distance between us. “I’m just…. afraid I will hurt someone if I don’t take proper care of it.”
“Good point,” I agreed, taking a big breath and speaking with more volume so our close proximity didn’t feel so intimate. “Why is it so scratchy?” I laughed at him. “It’s like horse hair!”
“It is not!” he defended himself animatedly and then punched me very gently in the shoulder, pushing my back against the locker, but not in an unkind way. He was gentle, but firm… detached but oh so sexy.
Holy hell.
My breathing was suddenly very shallow…. shaky, pathetically hitched. I ran my tongue along my bottom lip, so aware of every piece of his body and how close we were standing. His hair was lifted from where I ran my fingers through it, casting a shadow over his too pensive eyes. His gaze was smoky and penetrating and I was frozen beneath him in confusion and lust.
“It is,” I argued, but my voice was a shell of its former lightheartedness. “But I understand the coconut now.” I smiled, secretly praying he wouldn’t kiss me…. secretly pleading that he would. And then to force myself into distance, “Probably safer for Kenna that way. Plus, you kind of smell like cookies.”
“At least now you understand,” Ryder smirked, arrogant and cocky, and the spell was broken. He stood up to his full height, towering over me and resonating dispassion. “I suppose you want a pass for class now?”
I gasped as hope and the thrilling feeling of ease swelled in my chest. “You can write me a pass?” There was almost a desperate quality to my voice, I was kind of pitiful. But I had to get my act together here and now, I had to make it through this school year and the next. I couldn’t afford to mess up.
“Office aide, remember? Yesterday you spilled coffee all over me, yelled at me and then out of the very goodness of my heart I wrote you a pass? Any of this ringing a bell?” He was teasing me now, in the same way that made me feel like he planned on keeping a very wide measure of space between us.
Maybe that’s why my heart had relaxed. Ryder was complicated. Too complicated. It was like our powers were reversed. And I didn’t like that at all.
“Oh yes, now I remember!” I grinned at him, snapping my fingers as if in time with the memory. “You will save my life if you can write me a pass today though. I promise if I ask Mrs. Tanner to write one, she’ll expel me instead.”
“Expel you, huh?” Ryder asked from over his shoulder as we made our way down the hallway and to the office.
“Ok, probably not expel me. But definitely try to burn me at the stake,” I mumbled, trying to keep my tone light. Ryder shot me a confused look. “You know, like a witch trial?”
“Ah, but she could probably make a valid case.” Ryder turned his head again, shooting me a very amused grin, but something didn’t quite reach his eyes…. like he almost believed I could be a witch.
I shook my head. It wasn’t possible. Even if thinking I was a witch was completely off base and totally in the realm of crazy, there was no way Ryder could tell I was different. It just wasn’t possible.
I waited outside the office while Ryder ran in to drop off the stack of folders he was holding and retrieve the small yellow notepad that would excuse me from missing nearly all of my first hour class. I watched him, discreetly, or what I hoped was discreetly while he leaned over the tall counter and wrote some lame and untrue excuse down. This view of him was perfection with his back to me and his head bent furtively scrawling in sharpie across the notepad. His shoulders were broad and muscled, his hair just a little long at his collar and the heels of his feet hidden beneath long, tattered hems. A sigh escaped me before I could stop it and I slammed my back into the cold stone wall that lined the halls in between banks of lockers, completely wrecking my view of Ryder and the office.
Grrr.
What was going on with me?
I stared off into space, focusing my gaze on the windowed front doors so that I wouldn’t be tempted to check out Ryder or his delicious ass anymore. Ugh….
Voices and commotion drew my attention to the other end of the hallway when a classroom door banged open and students filed into the corridor. I squinted in an effort to recognize any of them as they walked excitedly in my direction. Chase was somewhere in the middle of the crowd, with Phoenix right at his side and my heart stuttered a little with anxiety. I shook away the feeling of being caught, and tried to convince myself that not only was there nothing going on between Ryder and me, but Chase didn’t really have any claim over me anyway.
If I was my mother or any of the other women in our circle, I would be practically bursting with pride and a reason to make both men jealous. But I was so not them and sickening guilt and shame flushed through my blood like a fast rush of self-loathing.
I put on my best smile and willed my eyes to look happy when Chase and Phoenix slowed down to talk to me. Chase cast a curious, worried glance in the office and I wondered if it was aimed at Ryder or the potential trouble I could be in.