With a small sniffle, I wiped my nose, not wanting the moment to end and reality to crash back down over us. I felt his body stiffen when I began to sit up, holding me in place.
Did he feel it, too? Did it torture him to let me go as much as it did me?
If I allowed myself a moment of honesty, I’d admit I never wanted to be apart from him, my Logan, the man I thought I knew. But the truth was there was more to Logan than I’d realized. He was more than just the guy I fell for, and I couldn’t trust him anymore.
I braced myself against his chest, sneaking another greedy touch as I sat up. Before I let go fully, his hands went to the sides of my face, cupping my cheeks, the pads of his thumbs wiping away final stray tears.
“I’m sorry. Out of everyone, I never wanted to hurt you. I’m…I’m thoughtless and careless. I’d never allowed anyone in after Natasha left, yet I couldn’t keep you away. I’m drawn to you, Cassandra—I have been ever since that morning I jogged behind you, admiring your body, wanting to reach out and snatch you up to have my way with you. I’ll never forget the image of you in those little shorts you were wearing.” He smiled at the memory he must’ve been recollecting while my cheeks flushed.
“I have never been more aroused at the break of dawn running down a back country road, but then you went and leapt over that damn puddle, so carefree and full of life. Something inside me cracked opened, and I knew you could be so much more than another frivolous night tryst. It terrified me how quickly I wanted to know more about you.”
My eyes fell to my lap as he released my face, moving his thumb and forefinger to take my chin gently, lifting my head up to meet his eyes. They were glossy with unshed tears.
“I tried to fight it, Cassandra. I thought if I could charm you, convince you to give me one night, that it would make you no different than any other woman. But you are so headstrong. I loved that about you.”
There was that word again—a word I couldn’t hear from his perfect lips. He loved that about me.
Wait, loved? As in past tense? Did it even matter anymore?
It must have, because I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and touching my lips to his very gently. His hold fell from my chin, and with calculated ease, as though he were afraid he’d scare me away, his hand slid to my cheek.
His lips never moved, his fingertips stroking my flushed cheek as my mouth pressed to his. There was nothing else; I just stayed there, inhaling the moment, wishing I could forget all the reasons why I couldn’t let him back in.
With a soft peck, I rested my forehead against his and swallowed the lump swelling in my throat.
“I can’t,” I murmured, breathless. “I’m so…scared. Please…”
He cupped my face and pulled me back to see it clearly. “I know, and I’m well aware that I don’t deserve you. But I need you to know I never meant what I said that night. I wanted to give you everything, and I still do. You’re the only woman I’ve ever felt this way about.”
His thumb ran over my chin, eyes flickering to my lips that longed to connect with his once more. Yet I knew I wasn’t ready, and didn’t believe I ever would be. For forgiveness, perhaps, but I’d never be able to forget all the red flags that had been in my face, now scolding me for thinking he’d change—for me.
“I can’t walk away. Not from you. It nearly killed me waiting for any information from the doctors in the hospital. I wouldn’t have survived had I lost you, and now you’re here, in my arms, and I’ll never let you go again.”
“Logan, I—”
“It’s okay to be frightened; hell, I’ve never been more terrified in my life. I know how I made you feel, and you have every right to hate me right now.”
“I don’t hate you. I hate myself for still wanting you.”
His voice deepened, taking on a firm authority. “I’ll prove to you that I can be everything you need—everything you always wanted. My heart and soul belong to you, and I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
His hands released my face and ran teasingly down my arms, then clasped my own hands. He lifted them to his lips, placed a soft lingering kiss on my knuckles, then looked up at me.
“I’ll wait till my dying breath to hold you again—to see you look at me and want me the way you did that night. Till then, I’ll be here. Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you.”
With my broken heart bulging in my chest, I reached out to wipe away the tear that fell from his watery blue eyes.
His lips pulled into the faintest smile before he stood from the bed, looking down at me. I wanted to jump into his arms while begging the universe to take away our pain; it drove me near insanity. Yet I continued to sit there, tears stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. With all the willpower I had, they never slid free.
I finally managed to find a sliver of my normal voice. “You should go.”
He nodded again, leaning down to place the tiniest kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes, never wanting the moment to end, knowing that my guard would go back up once he walked out the door. My resolve to remain still nearly faltered in that instant, but his sweet, sensual touch was quick; before I knew it, he was walking to the bedroom door.
He grabbed his coat from the chair and put it on, shoved his hands deep into his loose pajama-pant pockets, and looked back.
“If you need anything—anything at all—call me. I’m always here. Don’t ever be stubborn with me, Cassandra.” His voice was stern with an underlying tenderness, warming me from the inside out.
“Thank you,” I replied softly.
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
I watched as he turned and left me alone in the house to deal with the aftermath of the emotions roiling inside me.
Chapter Eleven
Neighbors
With one knock, the door opened to a beaming Oliver. I was early, but he didn’t seem to notice. That was the beauty with kids.
Oliver had called earlier that week to invite me over for lunch, and I couldn’t refuse him. Whatever was or wasn’t happening between Logan and me, it changed nothing about my friendship with Oliver. He always made me smile, and lately I needed that more than anything.
“Cassie!” His grin faltered a beat as he appraised me with a nervous eye, but upon realizing I was nearly good as new, his expression perked back up.
“How you been, buddy?” I asked, hating that he looked sad for even the briefest moment.
I was knocked back slightly when he threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around my waist, hugging me. A bark sounded from behind him, and he pulled away to lift Scout in his arms.
“See, I told you she was okay,” Oliver whispered to the pup.
I smiled. How could I not? I was okay, and things were finally getting back to normal—or as normal as they could.
Oliver held the door for me and scolded Scout for standing in my way as I entered. I followed him to the living room and relaxed down into the sleek brown leather armchair. The memories of my last time here, at Christmas, fell over me.
The house was no longer decorated with wreaths and garland. The Christmas tree was gone—nothing but a faded memory that, after everything, I still cherished. My hand flew to my wrist that no longer bore the charm bracelet Logan had given me. It was gone—thrown on the pavement in that alley, hurled viciously to the ground with the condom he’d chucked at me moments before.