Once she awoke, she would throw me out of her room and never want to see me again. Tears stung at my eyes as I rested my head on the bed beside her.
“Forgive me, Cassandra. Please. I never meant any of those things I said. I was upset and confused. I’m worthless without you. Please, sweetheart. You have to fight. You have to come back to me.” Tears streamed down my face, emotions taking over and leading the way for the first time in my life.
I continued with heavy sobs. “Please, Cassandra. Wake up, sweetheart. I'll do anything. I need you. You're all I've ever needed. All I've ever wanted.”
I pulled away and stroked my finger across her chin. She was everything, and for the first time in my life, I knew I would never want anyone else.
I caved and placed a small kiss on her forehead. My lips needed to feel her just once more. I didn’t deserve it but I wasn’t ready to be a gentleman now. Pulling back, I looked down at her, my heart swelling in my chest.
“I love you,” I murmured, my head resting next to her ear.
The words surprised me at first. I knew I cared for her, and that I was falling in love with her, but it was foreign on my tongue to speak it aloud. I once thought I loved Natasha, but it held nothing to what I felt Cassandra. There was a bond, something straight to my soul that I’d never felt with anyone before.
This was love. Unconditional, all-consuming, mind-blowing love.
The thought of the future terrified me, but I would never give up, no matter how much she fought against her feelings or how angry she was when she woke, I’d never give up on us.
I relaxed my head next to hers; our hands intertwined and closed my eyes. She would wake up, I repeated, finally peaceful beside her, I allowed sleep to claim me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
—Logan—
Wide Awake
I woke to the feeling of someone squeezing my hand. My head jerked up, quickly shooting awake remembering where I was. A part of me had hoped it had all been a bad dream.
“Cassandra?” I squeezed her hand, sitting up in my chair.
“Mmmm,” she moaned groggily, her eyes still closed but lids fluttering. She was coming back to me.
“Sweetheart. It's all right, I'm here.”
Cassandra's eyes slowly flickered open. My entire body flooded with relief.
“Cassandra.” I sighed. Without releasing her hand, my other reached for the buzzer.
“Logan?” Cassandra murmured. Her voice was low, and shaky.
“Shh, don't talk, sweetheart. The nurse will be here any second.” I smiled, thankful to see her bright-clear eyes and hear her beautiful, sweet voice.
Cassandra looked confused as her gaze shifted from me to her room and finally landed down on her own body. I watched painfully, as her eyes grew wider, color draining from her face. She tried to sit up but winced when she could barely move.
A loud yelp slipped out of her throat as she stared up at the ceiling, tears springing from her eyes. I ran my hands through her hair, wanting to soothe her.
“Relax, sweetheart. Everything is going to be all right. Try to stay still.”
Her head tipped toward me, her eyebrows lowering.
“Logan?” she murmured.
I smiled wider and nodded once. “Yes, I’m here.”
I waited for her to say something, but she just continued to stare at me as if she didn’t understand or recognize me.
“Why?” She breathed after a long pause.
“Why?” I repeated, not understanding.
“Why are you here?” Her voice was so low I could barely hear her, but the hurt behind it cut through me.
I stuttered unsure where to start, how to explain just how sorry I was.
“You didn’t want me then, you can’t expect me to…” She coughed, clearing her throat. Her tongue slipped out moistening her dry lips. “…to believe you want me now, like this.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” I sighed, my body slumping forward. I gently lifted her hand desperate for more contact, and brought it to my lips.
I felt her attempt to pull away, but she was so weak.
“Please, forgive me. I didn’t—” I began.
She let out a ragged breath, her head fell weakly to the other side, out of my view.
“I was wrong,” she whispered, voice broken. “I thought…I thought we were…” She sighed. “I can never be what you want. Just leave, please.”
The sniffle that came from her broke my heart. I released her hand and brushed my fingers down her cheeks, desperate to see her face.
“Cassandra, you’ve always been I wanted. I was angry when I saw Natasha was back. She has always made me doubt everything, everyone.”
Her hand slowly moved to her face, wiping across her cheek. I considered walking around the bed to see her, but I’d done enough. If she didn’t want me to see her right now, I’d give her that. I’d give her everything I have.
I leaned forward, placing a gently chaste kiss to the nape of her neck. “I’ll never forgive myself for the things I said to you. I was terrified. Afraid of falling for you and having you leave me like she did. But you’re nothing like her and I’m ashamed I ever thought it.”
Between the occasional hushed sniffled and her body quivering I knew she was crying. It broke my heart. I did this. I always fuck things up, but this was the one time I would never recover without painful scars—to both our hearts.
The nurse entered and I ran my hands down my face, wiping away tears I didn’t realize were there.
“Pl…please, just leave,” Cassandra was so quiet, so broken, I couldn’t deny her but I refused to leave her alone.
“You should go wait outside, sir,” the nurse said, staring between us, gauging the situation.
It took everything in me to agree. I nodded and then walked around the bed and bent down face-to-face with the woman I loved. Her eyes were swollen and red, tears streaming down her bruised face, but she was still as beautiful as ever.
“I’m not giving up on us, sweetheart.” I gently traced the back of my hand up her cheek, wiping away the tears. Her eyes were so soft, so scared. “I’ll never give up. You have my heart, my soul, my everything. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.” I leaned forward cupping her cheeks and placed a tender kiss to her forehead, then stood up and walked out the door.
The walk back to the waiting room was numbing. The doors closed behind me, leaving me in the small room all alone. My body rested against the window staring out at the first snowfall of the year. I found myself wondering if Oliver was outside playing in it. He loved the snow. My mind couldn’t shake the image of Cassandra and my son laughing as they stood outside surrounded by a blanket of flurries.
The hustle and bustle from the morning shift change passed around me, never once disturbing my forlorn state of despair. My forehead pressed against the cool glass, staring out into nothing.
“Logan?”
Exhausted, I lifted my heavy head and looked back, meeting Caleb’s concerned expression.
“Felicia and Hilary just went back to see her. The nurse called and said she woke up earlier,” Caleb explained.
“I know.”
“Felicia said you sat with her overnight. Were you there when she woke up?” Caleb asked, staring at me with pity. I despised it.