His eyes darted to me for a moment before he looked aside. “What? Oh, uh . . . yeah.”
I felt my muscles go tense. Something was up.
“What’s going on? Are the kittens okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Nothing like that. Can we—” He stopped and tried again. “Can we talk?”
“Of course!” I answered, a little more cheerfully than I intended. He was acting weird and it was making me nervous.
“Let’s go to the guest room,” he said. He grabbed my hand and led me down the hall.
My pulse pounded in my ears. What did he want to tell me that he didn’t want anyone else overhearing?
After I stepped through, he locked the guest room door, his shoulders hunched over and tense. His face was grim and he didn’t say anything. I didn’t know why, but my eyes were starting to sting. The past few days with Hunter had been wonderful, but I knew it couldn’t last forever.
Did he need to go back to Studsen? He couldn’t just skip all of his classes, no matter how smart he was. Even so, I wasn’t quite ready for him to leave yet.
Hunter cleared his throat, breaking into my thoughts.
“Uh . . . so, I know we didn’t talk about this a lot, but . . . ”
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked, my chest tight with anxiety.
“My MS . . .”
My heart raced. “Oh my god. Is it getting worse? I thought—”
“No!” he yelled.
I flinched at his tone and took a step back. I hadn’t expected such a strong reaction from him.
He shook his head slowly. “No,” he said, more softly this time. “It’s not like that. I’m fine.”
“It’s not? You’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
First I felt relieved, but then I noticed the look on Hunter’s face. His eyes were downcast and he shook his head. “Listen, I can’t stand you thinking that I’m gonna die any second. That kills me.”
“I’m sorry. I just . . . ”
I knew Hunter was right. Even though it was too late, I wished I could take my words back. Why was he always able to be so strong for me but I kept messing it up? He was trying to tell me something important, and the only thing I could think about was my own irrational fear. I was treating him the same way everyone else did when they found about about his MS. I had hurt him.
“It’s okay,” he said, letting out a heavy sigh.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like I owed him an explanation.
“I know how important this is to you, but this is just all so new to me. I’m—I’m scared.”
His gray eyes searched my face with an intense focus. Then he nodded, his jaw working slowly. “I know you’re trying. Don’t be scared. Sometimes when you’re in a fight being afraid of getting hit is worse than the hit itself.”
I nodded, my lips trembling. He grabbed my shoulders and held me to him tightly. I rested my face on his shoulder, inhaling his scent. Just being close to him was making me calmer. Whatever Hunter wanted to tell me, I was ready for it. There was no reason to be afraid. After a few more moments of taking deep, shuddering breaths, I felt more composed again and pulled away.
“What did you want to tell me?” I asked, wiping the moisture from my eyes.
Hunter walked over to the small gym bag he had brought. He pulled out a small black pouch and sat down on the bed with a deep breath. His fists clenched and released. “Can we sit down?”
I followed him over to the bed, not taking my eyes off of the pouch. What was in it that would make him react this way? I put my arm around his shoulders and felt his muscles knotted and tight. His back rose and fell with his breathing. We sat there for a few moments. I waited for him to get ready for whatever he was about to tell me, my pulse pounding in my ears.
“I wanna show you something,” he said finally.
I nodded, trying to keep my mind clear.
Hunter unzipped the pouch and opened it on his leg. There was a syringe and a small vial of amber liquid. The curved glass and cruel metal of the syringe made it look dangerous. I held my breath. Thousands of questions popped through the haze of my mind and threatened to spill out of my mouth, but I was determined not to mess it up again.
Whatever this was about, Hunter had chosen to share it with me. The least I could do was be patient and let him take it at his own pace.
“Lorrie, this is my . . .” his voice cracked.
I took his hand in mine, squeezing his calloused fingers in encouragement. His eyes darted around my face.
He sucked in a deep breath before continuing. “This is my MS treatment. I gotta inject it every two weeks. Tonight’s the night.”
I stared at the syringe kit in his pouch for a while, trying to steady my breathing. I could tell that he was studying my reaction carefully so I tried to keep my face neutral, but my heart was in my throat.
Even after he had told me about his condition, it didn’t feel real to me. Hunter still seemed like he was mostly fine, except for the injuries he got from the fight. But now, with his treatment right in front of me, it was suddenly very, very real.
Hunter cleared his throat. “Usually, I get the shots at the health center on campus, but I gotta do them myself tonight.”
I couldn’t think of what to say. I knew that he was showing me this for a reason, but I didn’t want to say something stupid like I had earlier. Even though I could feel his body’s warmth, the silence between us expanded until it felt like we were miles apart.
“Is—”
“Lor—”
We both started talking at once, and then stopped. Neither of us said anything for a few seconds, lost in our own thoughts.
Hunter spoke first. “Sorry, you go first.”
I took a deep breath so it wouldn’t feel like I was suffocating. If I didn’t understand much about Hunter’s condition, maybe the best thing to do was to just ask him about it.
“Will it make you better?”
He shook his head. “It just prevents the episodes from getting worse.”
It was a stupid question and I kicked myself mentally for even asking it. He had said that there was no cure.
I pointed to the pouch. “Does it hurt? I mean, you know, the needle.”
His eyebrows furrowed as he considered it for a second.
“Not as much as being in a fight,” he said. Then his hand gripped tighter around mine. “But afterwards, I feel weak.”
I gave his hand a little squeeze back and looked down into my lap. I didn’t want him to see the tears starting to well up in my eyes. My heart was breaking for him. He had to take a shot that made him feel weaker to keep his condition from getting worse. A helpless fury rose in my chest. This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.
“It’s kinda one of the side effects,” he added after some time.
His gray eyes were big and soft, and I wanted to say so many things to him, but I didn’t know how to say it, so I just held his hand and leaned my head on his shoulder.
“I wanted to show you,” he mumbled, his voice low. “See if . . . I dunno. I guess to see if you wanted to help.”
“Of course,” I answered quickly. “Of course I’ll help you. Just teach me how.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the shakiness in my voice.