With my next step, my foot caught a crack in the sidewalk.
I tumbled over, unable to catch myself before I came crashing down onto my hands and knees. The impact hurt worse than I expected it to. I stayed there in shock for several seconds before rolling into a seated position.
My hands were scraped up, and my knees were going to be bruised. I sat and let the rain fall on me, gathering up the strength to stand.
A voice came dimly over the smack of the rain on the pavement.
“Lorrie!”
Barely lifting my head up, I wiped the water from my face and squinted. A wheelchair-bound figure approached through the rain. Hunter.
I looked away, my lips trembling. Why had he come? I was ashamed for him to see me like this. Hunter had warned me not to do this and I ignored him. He was the person who was dealing with a real burden and yet here he was, coming to save me after I’d hurt myself like a child.
Hunter practically skidded to a stop, he had been wheeling himself so fast. He was soaked. His black t-shirt already clung tight to the skin of his torso, making his abs visible through the fabric as he breathed in and out.
“Lorrie,” he gasped, breathing hard. “Are you okay? What happened?”
I sat there, mute, and a sob swelled up in my chest. Everything came crashing down on me as I tried to put into words what had happened. My body convulsed as the sob broke free.
“Do you want to go back to the car? Your uncle drove. He’s waiting in the parking lot. Come on, we gotta get out of the rain.”
Hunter was almost shouting so that I could hear him over the roaring of the rain, but his words barely registered.
I continued to cry. Every time I got my breath, I tried to tell him what had happened, but the words caught in my throat and were swallowed by another sob before I got the chance. Drops of rain splashed against my face as I tried to speak.
Hunter bent down and took my hand carefully in his, seemingly waiting for me to calm down. It took a few minutes. We were both soaked, but he didn’t even seem to notice the rain. Finally I was able to choke something out.
“Killed himself,” I said, before another sob took hold of me.
“Marco?”
I nodded.
He put his other hand over mine, his face grim. We stayed there for a few moments in silence. It felt like an eternity and yet like no time at all. The world around us passed by in a blur.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
I bit my lip, trying to steady myself and finally having a little success. “No, I’m sorry,” I sobbed.
“What? What do you mean?”
The rain pounded down against my hair, matting it to my head. I wiped a thick strand away from my face and tried to tell him what I meant, but a fresh sob swelled in my throat and choked the words away.
“Lorrie, come on. Stand up. Let’s get out of the rain and dry off. I’m here to support you.”
Hunter pulled my arm up, trying to get me to stand but I couldn’t get up. The world felt less than real. He finally managed to get me to lean on his legs, and I rested on them.
“It’s never going to be over,” I finally choked out.
He shook his head. “We’ll get through it. Come on, let’s get out of the rain.”
But I couldn’t move. The full weight of everything that Marco had done was falling in place and I was buried under.
“He did it on purpose,” I murmured. “Why? He knew I’d come and he knew this would hurt me the worst way he could.”
Hunter squeezed my hand tighter. “I don’t know Lorrie. I wish I did.”
“Now he’s won. He killed my mom, that killed my dad, and now . . . ” I trailed off. Tears streamed endlessly down my face and sobs shuddered through me. When I’d sucked in a few breaths, I tried again. “It’s not like this was some accident. He had it out for my family. For me. Why?”
“I don’t know, but we gotta move on. We can’t stay here.”
Didn’t he understand? I’d already tried to move on and ignore it. That hadn’t worked. Now I’d tried to confront it head-on, and that hadn’t worked either. What was left? Nothing. I was stuck with being haunted and there was no way out.
The rain picked up, coming down in sheets against the pavement and on the cars nearby. It made a deafening amount of noise.
“Lorrie, are you hearing me? Stand up and let’s go. We’ve got the rest of our lives to live.”
I began to cry more, the tears forming salty rivers down my face. His words were making it to my ears but I couldn’t absorb them. I buried my face in Hunter’s lap. He treated me far better than I deserved, even when he was going through so much.
His jeans were soaked and only made my face more wet. I bawled into his legs, wishing everything would go away.
He let me cry and didn’t say anything for a while. After I’d cried myself out, I wiped away my tears until there was only rain water left on my face. I was numb and empty. There was nothing left inside me.
Then his voice got low and took on an edge I’d never heard in it before. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the answers you wanted today,” he said. “Sometimes, things happen to us that we never understand and we worry we’ll never get back to normal. But there is no normal, Lorrie. All we can do is move past the pain and hope that we have someone to stand next to us.”
He stared into the distance, and then shook his head.
“I’m never gonna understand why I have this disease and I’m never gonna know what the future holds for me. For a long time I was scared of that. But I’m not scared anymore. You know why?”
I sniffled, but didn’t say anything.
“Because of you.”
I turned away, trembling. Why did he think it was because of me? I could barely keep myself together.
“Look at me Lorrie,” he said, putting his hand on my cheek. His gray eyes glimmered. “Yes. It’s because I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. We're going to be together for . . . for as long as we can. I won't say forever, because none of us have forever. But I want to be with you right now. And right now. And right now.”
He brushed some of my hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear.
“The only thing I want is to live in every moment I have with you standing by my side. Wherever you go, I wanna be there with you.”
I half-heartedly tried to pull myself up by grabbing the arms of his wheelchair, but slipped back down and fell hard on my butt. I shook my head. Marco had won. I would never know why my mom had been killed. I would keep being haunted. Nothing was going to change.
“I don’t know—” I mumbled, shaking. “I don’t know if I have anywhere to go from here.”
His face locked into intense focus as he stared into my eyes, his own gray irises aflame. He leaned his forehead against mine, his breaths coming in short bursts.
“Yes you do,” he said, his voice rising with every word. “Yes you do, because you have me, okay? YOU HAVE ME!”
With a growl, he leaned forward and put his hands under my armpits. He pulled me up toward him until I was on my knees and my head was on his chest. Then he brought his hands down to the armrests of his wheelchair. His legs flexed to stand up and I gasped, draping my hands reflexively around his back.
He grit his teeth, shaking with effort, and began to rise. His face locked into an intense grimace as he slowly straightened his legs.