“Hunter,” I pleaded, clasping his hand. “Please wake up.”
I held my breath, every dreadful second dragging on. What if he didn’t wake up? Could I leave Studsen if I wasn’t sure Hunter would be okay?
His eyes shot open and relief coursed through my veins. He grabbed toward my hand clumsily, making contact with my fingers but not holding on. “I should have told you, Lorrie . . . You wouldn’t change. You could still see me.”
I shook my head, frantically trying to decipher the meaning of his words. “Hunter, I’m right here with you.”
He made another grab at my hand. “I’m sorry,” he said, trailing off. “You don’t have to go.”
His eyes shut once more. Gary, who had been silent, looked up at me, forehead wrinkled with worry. Hunter was breathing hard again with his nostrils flared. Gary’s face twisted in panic. “You’re stressing him out,” he answered. “You need to get out of here before he gets worse.”
My face burned with frustration. “Why do you keep blaming me for everything?”
“Because I’ve watched you turn him into a f**king trainwreck!”
I balled up my fists, barely able to control my rage. My jaw was clenched tight. “What does that mean?’
Rather than respond with something nasty, Gary watched as Nick’s partner came back.
“We’ve got a clear path here,” the medic said. He and Nick hefted Hunter’s stretcher up and began walking it to the ambulance.
“Where are you taking him?” I asked anxiously, walking alongside them. Gary followed close behind.
“Arrowhart College Hospital,” Nick replied.
I nodded, my heart racing. “Is he going to be okay?”
“Should be,” Nick said as we neared the ambulance. “It will be important that he recover over the next twenty-four hours, but once he’s in the hospital he’ll be in good hands. I would be very surprised if he had any permanent injuries from this. Nose might be messed up, but nothing worse.”
Gary sighed behind me. “God I hope not,” he said.
We stopped when we got to the ambulance. Nick and his partner paused in front of the vehicle’s back door.
“One of you can ride with us to the hospital,” Nick said.
“I will,” Gary and I said simultaneously.
Nick grimaced. “I’m sorry, but we can only fit one.”
“You’re not coming,” Gary said to me sternly. He towered over me, his stare rooting me to my spot.
Blood rushed to my face, making it feel extra hot against the cold wind. “Why not?”
“Haven’t you done enough damage?” Gary yelled. “Look at him! Look at what you’ve done!”
Stunned, I opened my mouth to speak. This was all too much.
“Lorrie,” Hunter mumbled.
Both our gazes flew down to Hunter. His eyes were open but he wasn’t all there. He looked between me and Gary, mumbling incoherently under his breath.
“We need to get out of here,” Nick said. He and his partner hefted Hunter up into the ambulance before he turned back to us. “Both of you are welcome to visit him in the hospital during visiting hours. Is one of you riding with us or not?”
“I’m coming,” Gary said. Nick looked at me briefly then nodded and climbed into the back of the vehicle. Gary turned to me. “I’ve known Hunter for a few years now. He has plenty of his own issues, but at least he was working on them. You came along and he got totally obsessed with you. At first it seemed like you made him better, but then he just got worse. A lot worse. He missed training, flipped out at that party, skipped classes, all kinds of stuff. Then you pulled the rug out from under him, and I haven’t seen anyone fall that hard. Ever. Listen, Lorrie, I know you didn’t mean for all this to happen, but you’re no good for each other.”
Gary’s words hit me hard. I felt like I was the one who had just been punched in the face. I had suspicions that even when Hunter and I were holed up in his apartment, lost in our own little world, that our relationship wasn’t entirely healthy, but hearing it from Gary felt like a stake through my heart.
Gary hopped into the back of the ambulance as I stood there stunned and still processing what he’d said to me. He turned back to me with his lips pursed and sighed. “I’ll tell him you came to talk to him,” he said. “If he wants to talk, he’ll come find you. If he doesn’t, please stay away. I don’t want to do this again.”
I nodded limply and he shut the door. The ambulance drove off, sirens fading into the distance, leaving me feeling like an empty husk.
Gary was right. We weren’t good for each other.
Chapter Thirty
WRECKED
I sat on the bus back to Indiana and watched the streetlights fly by. They were the only breaks in darkness for miles as we rolled through Illinois farm country. My head pressed up against the glass, I thought about the last few days, trying to hold all my emotions in.
How had it all happened? It was the nightmare I’d been trying to avoid: a messy breakup. Yet again, I’d proven I couldn’t trust myself to ride out the twists and turns my life presented. Letting myself get so attached to someone had been a huge mistake. I’d dragged us both down, and now one of us was in the hospital. Sorrow clenched in my chest.
I curled up in my seat and hoped for the hundredth time since the bus left the station that Nick the medic was right and Hunter would be okay. He had seemed pretty confident and I believed him in the heat of the moment, but now I was having second thoughts. I’d never seen someone look so beat up. What was going to happen to him? What had led to a breakdown like that?
A dull ache throbbed in my heart. Whatever Hunter had been dealing with over the past week, he hadn’t wanted my help. I looked around the bus at my fellow passengers. Many were sleeping. The man and woman across the aisle from me were nestled together lovingly. The peaceful expression on the woman’s face as she lay her head on his chest painfully reminded me of the way I did that with Hunter. She looked like she was claiming that spot for life.
Sighing, I threw myself back in my seat and stared out the window some more, thankful I didn’t have someone sitting next to me. I needed space to myself right now. The hurt inside was too much to bear.
If Hunter didn’t end up being okay I would never forgive myself. I closed my eyes, letting a tear roll down my cheek. I was never going to see him again. There would be no tearful reunion, no working stuff out. The world wouldn’t be that kind to us. Our brief time of happiness together was over.
I began to cry harder, doing my best to stay quiet and not embarrass myself. The tears rolling down my cheeks became warm, salty streams. What was going to happen to Hunter? Did he hate me now? Would he think that I abandoned him? Even when I tried to live a normal life, something always came to drag me back. Dad had been wrong. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t rolling a giant boulder up a hill every day, I was caught under it.
And I couldn’t break free.
Chapter Thirty-one
WAKE
Hunter
My head felt like someone was jabbing a knife into my temple. The second thing I noticed was the unpleasant smell of the hospital and I knew where I was without even opening my eyes. How had I gotten back here? What had happened? I wasn’t sure what my last memory was; I couldn’t separate my fevered dreams from reality.